relapsed again

Hey Yogesh,

It can be hard starting out. I think the first steps are different for everyone but some things that help are in the welcome email. First understand that porn use isn't about sex or sexual feelings, it's using PMO to cover and hide feelings we don't want to deal with. It's a coping mechanism for something uncomfortable or hurtful in life.

When we first stop, those feelings come back hard and can often be really uncomfortable. If we've been hiding long enough we may not even recognize them or even remember why or what those feelings are. I actually wrote down a list of feelings that I try to avoid and then found strategies to cope those those feelings outside of PMO. Learning to recognize those feelings can take time.

The other thing is be patient with yourself. The chaser can be hard. Don't beat yourself up. It's more important to get up, recognize that just starting can be really hard and try to remember why you are stopping PMO. Find an internal reason that resonates with you. The first few times will require a lot of willpower and that's something that requires building up if you're not used to using it. Be patient and be kind to yourself. It's like going to the gym for the first time. You can't do much weight or many reps.

Someday if you keep at this, do the hard inner work about what you're hiding from, figure out new ways to deal with your life, exercise and practice self-control it will get easier.

 

Well put orson. The biggest part of beating this is doing the hard work of self examination. We need to find the reasons why we turn to PMO. Not only that though. I found that trying to just stop PMO is tough, and relapse is almost certain. What one needs to look at is replacing it with some healthy. Something good. In time the new habit will replace the old.

 

relationships come with time, as you keep coming back you'll start to develop relationships with people that you will be able to message. also you could look for an accountability partner on this site, that would help you in both issues.

 

well put aziz..
Yogesh, the initial phase is always troublesome.
I have joined nofap some 8 months ago. It was a 6 year problem to me. I cant even go on a day without PMO. I too found it difficult initially. I would leave some suggestions. Its upto you to follow.

Self discipline is the key. You should be able to control your thoughts and actions which is easy to say than doing. My suggestions are

1) Everytime you start over, you have to plan to quit PMO for life. Not 7 days, Not 90 days but for life.
2) When it is so tempting do visit emergency.nofap.org
3) Even if you fail do not shy away from Nofap.org ( I did that initially because of my guilt)
4) Whenever you fail, open you mobile calender and make a note that you have failed. Also note down the trigger. It will help you monitor your progress. You can find some patterns. ( In my case i used to M alot during late nights and Sundays. My triggers are boredom and loneliness. I overcame that and am trying to keep myself occupied).
5)Once you have relapsed, the next three days will be difficult. Urges might be strong. Accept that and move away from the internet ( though i believe in self discipline is the way forward, you have to do this initially)
6) Join Gym ! working out is healthy, passes time and also gives you a boost in confidence.

I relapsed 12 times in my first month. It was difficult for me. But it was a 6 year old habit. i cannot break it at one go. Now i am lot better. Hopefully you will too.

You can message me anytime. I will reply you the next time i am online.
I repeat it again. Self discipline ! You have to control your thoughts and actions !
Sorry for my bad English.

 

So? Get back up again . If you relapse a thousand times , get back up and fight a thousand and one.
Don't think too much about noPMO or your relapse , just live your life and focus on that not Not relapsing.
You can PM me if you ever need anything , we're all here for you .