Day 90 of hard mode! 3 months ago I realized I had a problem and started this journey and I'm proud to say I haven't relapsed even once. I am wondering how to continue from here though... I will definitely never watch porn again (don't even have the desire to) and I'll try to be intimate with girls as often as possible as that's the best medicine. But, what about masturbation? I am slightly worried about previous bad masturbation practises (like improper, dry stimulation, death grip to some extent, etc) and I think it's probably good to try and repair that. When I say masturbation I mean nothing like the PMO cycle I did before. I mean the proper slow sensual masturbation without any artificial stimulus - the one that most resembles what your penis feels when you're with a girl. Do you think that's a good idea?
Is upto you of course, but my 2 cents is that I want no pmo for a lifestyle. My pmo addiction has screwed up my life pretty badly, i never want to go back to that. I think retaining the semen is way more healthy than draining it. Also i noticed, when i thought.. ahh just one time, just a little porn peek etc, it always escalated pretty quickly. Its like with these things you're building momentum into the wrong direction that way. Congratz of doing 90 days by the way dude, that's an amazing result. Have your life improved after 90 days? If so, I would definitely stay on the pmo-free path
Yes, I agree you should never think "just one porn peek" etc. I have zero intention to watch porn ever again. I'm just wondering if it makes sense to try to masturbate at some point to make sure your penis is reconditioning as well. If it still expects quick and intense stimulation with lots of dry friction on the most sensitive parts then that's a problem. I think if I try to masturbate in a super vanilla way, that will give me a good idea of where I'm at in terms of progress. If I can't even keep it up, then bad, if I get it up but can't finish then that still is progress but shows there's more work to be done. If I can finish then perfect, that should be a good confirmation that I'm ready to have sex with a partner. Thanks, btw, it feels good to reach it. I wouldn't say my life was in anyway bad before... it's only when I got to having sex that I realized something's not quite right. My initial goal was to teach myself to enjoy and appreciate sex with a real partner rather than PMO. It's also kind of hard to evaluate your progress when you're just sitting there abstaining from it. I think I'm improving, but also I started watching porn when I was 10 so for the better half of my life that's the only thing I knew. I understand that's affected me not only by changing what arouses me but also has negatively altered my view on women, intimacy, sex. I just recently figured out that I do not get turned on by real girls - anytime I've masturbated and thought of a friend of mine it's never worked. My brain is used to seeing only 'imaginary' girls on a screen that do not even have a personality as opposed to a girlfriend that you actually have feelings for and interact with not only in a sexual manner. So, there are still some tough changes to go through. But I think that what doesn't get fixed after 3 months will get fixed in 6. And if it doesn't in 6, I don't care if it's a whole year - the final goal is definitely worth it
Here's a follow up some weeks later. Sad to say things didn't work out as planned. I thought I can pull off controlled masturbation but I couldn't. I can go into detail, but to put it shortly - I liked it and didn't stop there. Gradually built up to me doing PMO, same shit I did months ago. Luckily not a binge, but just it happening once in that vile way that I don't even have to describe (you know what I'm talking about) was enough to make me stop. I'm starting fresh. My first relapse teaches me that your most dangerous enemy is yourself. Whatever you might be thinking, no matter how strong you think you are, he's just as good. So if at anytime you let your guard down it's game over.
