Why I Joined

Hello, I can't tell you my name, but I'm a 19-year-old male. I've never really made a habit out of pornography and masturbation but I have been doing it on and off since I was 14. I don't know if this has manifested itself in thoughts and behaviours, but I have looked on women with lust. I've been doing my best for a long time to avoid ogling girls, looking at pornography, and masturbating. I have quit for some periods but always relapsed. At the beginning of this month I realized that I was going to have to put in a real effort, and surprisingly it hasn't been that hard so far. Wet dreams have become frequent but the urge to look at porn or masturbate never lasts long. I hope that my membership of this site will give me a stronger impetus to quit for good. After all, I'm Christian; I shouldn't have such bad habits!

I know that was long, but hello everyone!

*EDIT*
I thought I should tell you the story of how my habit began. It's kind of a stupid and pathetic story, but here it goes:

I was in grade 8 and I had a huge crush on this gorgeous girl. It took me a while into my crush to realize it, but she had problems. She craved attention and I think she flirted with me just for that.
I was very shy and probably would've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder had I seen a psychologist. I could hardly even talk to people and being in school made my whole body shake. I ate alone many days and was pretty much an outcast. I went to that school to make friends but I ended the year with nothing but a couple acquaintances and at least one enemy. I was socially inept and perceived intended-to-be-harmless comments as bullying. People kept joking that I was "gay" (I'm not) and that wasn't just it. Some people picked on me for being the outcast, being weird, and not acting normal. I cried almost every day because no one was nice to me, not even my parents. I got hardly any sleep and was performing badly in school (though I just barely managed to pull of 70s because despite hardly studying, I was able to rely on my good memory. Impressive, eh?)
My mood jumped from moderate to in hell (feeling completely down in the dumps and almost hopeless, though I did have a bit of hope that life would get better later on). The day the girl flirted with me, my mood jumped, so to speak. My interaction with her was actually pretty bad, considering I hardly talked because of how awkward I was, That day and the next I felt on top of the world. I went to school smiling and actually felt happy for once. I know, it's cheesy. Spring break started two days after she flirted with me, so I couldn't see her for almost another week. The day after spring break, my feeling of great happiness quickly turned to anxiety. I was afraid that the opportunity to date her would slip away.I handled the whole thing very badly and she eventually told me that she was basically going to stop talking to me.
We started talking again, and this it where my habit began. She asked me "do you [jack off]," and I had to look up that term. I lied and said I did. I then began actually doing it.
Before then I had sought out pornography, especially sex games and hentai, but not much. The masturbation eventually led to more porn. So basically, I started masturbating five years ago, which eventually led to more porn, all because I thought some stupid girl wouldn't like me if I didn't. It's so pathetic when I think about it.

It's evident that I skipped a lot of the story, but that's the gist.

 

Thank you