From 60 to zero

Sounds like a positive change. You don't need shitty people in your life, especially in a romantic relationship. I'm glad you were able to move on from a relationship that just wasn't working out. That's an important experience to have.

You've taken a few steps back, but not all is lost. You still have all the experience you've gained during your NoFap journey. You can always give yourself the gift of sobriety, even if you have to reset your counter hundreds of times.

Breaking up with someone is a really big deal, especially if you were with this girl for 5 years. It can be a life-changing experience. Porn was always there to comfort you, always there to make you feel less lonely, always there to give you immediate gratification. It makes sense that you would turn back to porn after a breakup. Obviously, I don't advise watching porn anymore, but I think if you understand why you're doing it in the first place it can help.

Seems to be a familiar story for a lot of people on this forum..

My advice is just to focus on bettering yourself as a person. You've lost this relationship you were in, but you didn't lose yourself in the process. You have a body: exercise and put it to good use. You have a mind: read good books, meditate, and solve interesting problems. You have skills: practice them and get even better at them. You have friends and family: call them, even if it's just to say "hi".

If you do those things, I think you'll soon start to realize that you don't need a relationship to be happy with your life. Moreover, if you don't accept and love yourself for who you really are, then what are you really capable of offering in a relationship?

It's going to take some time, but you will heal your wounds from your recent relationship eventually, and when you do there will be a whole world of possibilities waiting for you.

 

Great advice!

 

That's normal to feel that way. Just remember that everything happens for a reason. You were with her for a long time. I don't think you would have ended it if you were unsure about your decision. Remember, it's important to focus on yourself right now. You don't need anyone else to be a valid human being.

I'm a huge fan of that. Keep doing that sort of stuff. If you run out of people to call, not all is lost. There are lots of other things you can do to deal with the troubling thoughts. You can exercise, write in a journal, mediate (or pray, if you're religious), or practice a creative skill like music or drawing. Not only will those things help you process what you're going through, but they'll also make you a better person if you keep doing them.

Wrong. I think the statement from your friends in AA couldn't be more accurate, and I think it applies to porn equally. For an alcoholic, there's no such thing as "just one beer". You might not have another one that day, maybe not even the next day, but eventually, you will have another one. You'll have "just one beer" today, and you'll have "just another one" the next day, and before you know it, you're in a pattern of drinking one beer a day. The problem with that is that, eventually, that one beer won't be enough to satisfy your desire for alcohol anymore, and you'll need to drink some more to meet the demand. This is how a relapse happens.

I think the most dangerous thought for your sobriety is "I got this". What I mean by that is this: the addict inside you will do everything it can to get you back on porn. It will try to lure you in with thoughts like "I can handle just a peek at porn. There's no way I'll be as bad as I was before. Just a little peek to help me through this difficult time." The problem is that there's no such thing as "just a little peek", the same way that there's no such thing as "just one beer". There will always be another peek.

You're preaching to the choir here, man. We all just want to feel better. We want to feel better immediately. That's why we were so hooked on porn. Porn always makes you feel better immediately, but it doesn't last long, and the negative consequences just aren't worth it. Don't settle for feeling better immediately. Ride through the hard times. It sucks. You're going through some shit right now. Some utter fucking bullshit. But you can do it, and you'll be so much stronger when you come out on the other end. Every up has a down. You can't have black without white. You can't have happy without sad. The experiences where you're lonely and miserable are just as valuable as the ones where you're accepted and loved.