[365-CHALLENGE] THE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 106

 

So, today I relapsed. My wife has not been feeling well the past week and I had the thought come in to my head that all that sexual energy was building up inside of me and that it needed to come out. Of course if that were true I wouldn't need porn, but I used it anyway. Two times today it happened and the plans I had, errands and such, also fell by the wayside.

I contemplated not saying anything here or of guilt and shame, but then decided I should be honest. I was certain the path I was on would lead to permanent recovery, but now I'm less sure. I'm now reading through recoverynation.com per the recommendation of someone on here. I intend to jump back on the bandwagon, but am feeling pretty deflated.

Aside from the guilt and shame, the worst thing is I feel relaxed, where before I felt tense and frustrated, so I know the addictive behavior probably set in even further. I'm not really sure where to go from here but will start reaching out more to find experiences that have worked for others.

 

0/365

 

Day 1

 

Day 12

 

73 / 365
2 days in row wet dreams

 

Your welcome.

 

32 Days
"By Itself, Conscious Positive Thinking Cannot Overcome Subconscious Negative Feelings"

Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One.
"You will learn that the true purpose of meditation is to get beyond the analytical mind and enter into the subconscious mind so you can make real and permanent changes. If you get up from meditation as the same person who sat down, nothing has happened to you on any level. When you meditate and connect to something greater, you can create and then memorize such coherence between your thoughts and feelings that nothing in your outer reality—no thing, no person, no condition at any place or time—could move you from that level of energy. Now you are mastering your environment, your body, and time."
Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One
"Conscious thoughts, repeated often enough, become unconscious thinking."
Joe Dispenza, Evolve Your Brain

 

9/365

 

6 days done!

 

Welcome

 

Thank You

 

Day 113/365

 

0/365 Starting again with my new life changing decision

 

Day 12/365

 

Yup..My mistake helps me to come here and which in turn helps me to learn the benefits of will power.Earlier I regretted about this mistake but now I am extremely happy...
Completed my 1st day of 365 days challenge...

 

Day 59
“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” – Stephen McCranie

 

Since you have a family one of the things that's been the most motivating for me has been realizing that my having this addiction affects every aspect of my life, and because of that it affects the lives of those around me. If I'm not at my best, I'm not going to be fulfilling what I'd like to in my relationships to the best of my ability either. Could be motivation for getting back at it. But relapse happens, and if you're getting after it and reaching out immediately you're doing the right thing, don't beat yourself up - be proud of yourself for having that mentality.

 

Day 3/154 (Days Clean Before Return Home)

 

Day 2