Staying positive. You’re amazing. You can do this!

That’s better than the way I usually treat myself. I’m 31, a single mom, and the last time I did mushrooms I cried for like two hours and kept asking “Why do I hate myself?”

I’m an asexual sex addict. The idea of anyone being with me IRL is just flat-out unappealing. But I look at pretty guys and imagine how they look when they masturbate, and I obsess over it. It’s immediately where my mind goes. I have impossible fantasies and fetishes - fetish meaning, for me, something I MUST have to achieve orgasm - that started before I first masturbated as a kid.

Who am I telling this stuff to? Am I just sitting here, my feet hanging over the edge, tossing my voice in to the void?

I’ve had... easily hundreds of partners online. I probably hit triple digits five years ago - sexting strangers, writing elaborate, deeply fetish-driven erotic role plays. I usually have between eight and fifteen partners at a time, and spend between two and eight hours a day writing with them. Each one is surprised at how much time and effort I spend on our stories, with few of them aware I have ten other guys telling me the same thing.

I know I’m ruining my life. I know it’s getting worse. I know I can’t keep this up, that I’ve quit cold turkey and it’ll never happen again... until the next
time.

Right now, it’s been... just over twelve hours! Twelve hours. I’m an addict. I have a problem. I need help.

Since my last relapse, I’ve tried wearing myself out with masturbation so that I can avoid the urge to connect with a partner. Masturbating two, four, five times a day for a week, and still this morning I started talking to six different guys. Only for an hour or so, but it was still a relapse. Haha, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop this? I have things I want to do with my life, you know. Things that don’t involve sexy internet bullshit.

 

This is really something differenent from many. I cant help admiring your courage that you joined this dais. You can triumph although you have started moving forward. Most welcomeee....

 

Haha, thank you! I can’t afford a counselor, really, but I won’t rule it out if this doesn’t work. I’m grateful for the warm welcome, and best of luck to you too.

 

Well gosh, thank you. Cross your fingers for me - you’re also doing amazing, and I know you can make it through today. Good job.

 

Thank you maa'm. Lets fight and say no pmo