Hi all, Well this was a long time coming i guess but Ive had it with porn. Im in my late 40's and have watched more consistently since my mid teens. It's affected me in ways I just didn't were possible until I started taking a long look at myself. I knew i 'had a problem' for about 10 years but part of me still thought 'what the hell' and carried on anyway, watching something at least once a day. However this would spill into ordinary life with me wasting thousands on dvd's, which would then spill into physical re-enactment with escorts.The past year has been especially bad with my promising to quit as a NY resolution only to fall off the wagon a few weeks later. A recent relapse has convinced me that enough is enough. That what im apparently looking for isn't real and is literally a fantasy. Im actually angry at porn for doing this to me and the industry for making it seem its perfectly normal to watch this stuff. So I'm three weeks in to nofap \ not using porn now and the effects have been interesting to say the least. What I didnt expect were the psychical withdrawal symptoms. Depression (usually lasting a day at a time), insomnia, weird headaches, tiredness and mood swings. So I'm employing the same tricks i used to quit smoking here. 1: Tell myself each day quit is a day I wont have to do over 2: Get angry. Porn is not my friend, it's that twisted individual that gets a kick out of screwing you up. 3: Stay busy. When things get rough, get active. Im cycling more and have taken up martial arts which is a big stress buster. Hope the above helps...
Welcome mate. Thanks for sharing and sounds like you have some great strategies. I used to do this stupid thing where I would think I had to wait for a memorable date, like the 1st of the month, to start a reboot. Just another excuse. I also remember a wise friend once saying that "a fantasy is always better than the real thing". This has definitely helped me. Best wishes!
Thanks dude, now i've a bit more time on my hands I can unload a little more back story. I was always pretty awkward around girls at school due to confidence issues. So when i discovered porn it was a way around the problem. Thing was I had substituted one issue for another but I didn't care. I had access to amazing looking women who were doing anything on screen I felt like watching. As I grew older my tastes became more focused and my dvd collection more extensive. As time went by I did start dating, having relationships, etc but it always felt like something was missing from my life which constantly felt unsatisfied. Its only now that I realize porn was what was doing it. I had girlfriends who enjoyed watching porn, didnt enjoy watching it, thoguht I watched too much, etc. I purged my collection of dvd's (50 plus) only to start building them back up again. I'd regularly bin the 'videos' folder of my pc only to start my collection afresh. All the while I was trying to get the buzz in the real world from escorts but 9 times out of 10 I came away feeling like shit. Porn ended up putting me into procarious situations where I actually put myself at risk of physical harm. For instance wandering into what i though was a London Soho strip bar, to find it was a hostess bar where you buy the girls drinks for their company. When I turned to leave the staff were less than friendly and demanded I make a purchase (a swift pair of feet saved me there). Another time id been watching a bdsm dvd and fancied trying out tie-n-tease with an escort, only for the condom to come off half way through. this freaked me out and for the next three months I was a nervous wreck waiting until i could take a full spectrum std test. I could go on and on about this as theres 20 plus years of this crap floating around in my memory. What annoys me is that sex is forced on you even if your not looking to watch it. I'm in the UK and theres so many dramas on now where the characters are fucking around or each other, where its dressed up to look normal and your supposed to be sympathetic to them. You cant open a paper or website without some article of a bimbo in a skimpy bikini or less. I'll stop rambling now but just felt it worth to get that off my chest, so 3 weeks and physical withdrawal symptoms seem to include: Irritibility Isolating myself from family Headaches Tension Mild insomnia (1 decent nights sleep) Mild lethargy Inability to focus
Mate! There is so much in your last msg that I can completely, 100%, empathise with. I am 36 and recently divorced and I know this is related, somehow, to my life-long struggle with porn and sex. In fact, you know the eunuch off Games Of Thrones?...well anyway, I can remember watching this character, self-made, successful, 'pure' as was castrated. And i actually, for a moment, wished that was me!! That my dick has controlled me for so long and i was sick of it. Of course, i dont really as I wouldn't have my kids. But I am sure you get it. After decades of struggling, the ups and downs, the culling or destroying of porn collections, the repeated bouts of guilt (they say making the same mistake twice is a choice), I totally get all that. For me, it really boils down to insecurity. To try to feel a connection. And thinking that PMO can connect me. But it doesn't. I am actually better off alone. To accept solitude and therefore be content with just me. Well that's my thinking for now.
well breaking it down, the first part of your reply I would say BINGO! (although i wouldnt go as far as wanting to be rid of my dick) as far as the insecurity goes. For the second part, dont beat yourself up too much, being content with yourself is a good goal but dont isolate yourself. I tried that years ago and its doesnt work. I fell into a really bad depression that was a positive feedback loop on itself. It was blind luck i got out of it (counseling). On a personal level I would recommend getting a lot of exercise in. I started cycling to work (14 miles a day) and taking up a martial art. Apart from being really healthy for you, it helps calm your mind and im starting to get a hell of a buzz out of it! Meeeeanwhile.... Week 3 - Withdrawal symptom check list time! Body aches Irritability Teeth actually ached (?) Slight anxiety \ paranoia disrupted sleep (last night was better) ps: Fuck you pornhub!
yesterday started out ok but went downhill by early afternoon. everything was fine up till 6pm when i started getting bad stomach cramps. this threw off the whole evening planned down the gym which pissed me off as now i wont have a chance to go till next week. (work out at home instead!) The headaches have eased off and i felt a bit more energy this morning even though i had a little insomnia in the night.
hmm, interesting development. As mentioned yesterday was pretty dire, felt crap by the afternoon, mild insomnia in the night, etc. Now i actually feel pretty good. Early morning work out went better than expected, i have more energy and feel a bit more proactive. In fact I cant remember the last time i felt this good! I know this is probably the top of a bell curve and im going to slide back down again, but hey as Bill Hicks said 'Lifes a ride!'
well yesterday was a blast. i felt brilliant, for the first time in ages i didnt feel like my body was struggling against me and movement actually felt like a well oiled machine. I was bright, upbeat, positive and heck even chatty! As mentioned i had the feeling this was the top of a bell curve and i may be right. I still have the energy but last night the insomnia and head aches hit me at 2am which sucked. Dont feel quite so much a god today but still in better shape than the beginning of the week.
ok nearly 4 weeks in now. mentally im doing ok, a little impatient, short tempered and confrontational.Certainly better than 2 weeks ago. Physically I feel fine, not as great as a few days ago but i dont feel like i ache all over and its a struggle to get any energy. Sleep wise is the downer. BY 9pm im out for the count and off to the land of nod in minutes. Problems start around 11pm when I snap awake with a headache. Half and hour later im back asleep but come 2am is when the fun really starts. Bang, wide awake, head feels like its in a vice and theres no way im getting to sleep for the next couple of hours. This has happened like clock work all week and its getting ot the point where im actually dreading going to bed.
