Probably a very common story but it's mine, so here it is! Have been watching porn for around 20 years now - admitting that makes me feel so sad. Watched purely out of curiosity at first (age 15) and really enjoyed it for about 5 years or so. The last 15, I have been steadily becoming more and more dependent on it and it's making me MISERABLE. I've tried weaning myself off it countless times. Tried blocking software, self help books, meditation. I've used my wife, kids and other notable life events as a milestone - "I'll stop after my wedding, I'll stop on New Years Day" etc etc. Honestly, I laugh at how pathetically i've failed at kicking this habit. Otherwise in my life I'm very happy. I'm married to an amazing wife, have a beautiful baby boy, great job, family and so on. Why can't I stop watching porn? Why do I masturbate EVERY day?? Why do I visit chat rooms? Why do I feel an uncontrollable urge for this stuff whenever I hit even the slightest issue in my life? Whenever I am stressed, tired, lonely, ill, depressed I watch porn. Can someone please offer me a little hope and maybe a point in the right direction to help me here. Feel quite lost. Thanks
@Punk_Dry_Pa feel free to message me if you want to talk. I also deal with chatrooms addiction, been a member on this site now for 2 years! We're all here for you bud.
Hi, first of all, kudos for not giving up. You tried and failed many times and now you are relentlessly trying again. You have a heart of a warrior and will succeed eventually! As to why you can’t stop: personally, I believe for any addiction to start there needs to be “a hole in the soul”. Then drugs, alcohol or porn can fill that hole. Once you abstain from e.g. porn, you effectivelly empty the hole so the feeling of “lack of something” comes back and it is very difficult not to fill it back in with what “worked” so well before, i.e. porn. So in addition to abstaining, I would observe the negative feelings that occur in the tough parts of your life and examine what the hole might be. Relationship to our parents is one of the good places to start the self-examination. Feel free to share your observations in a journal here. This community is excellent for feedback. This time you will win!
My story is not too different from yours. Keep trying! I can tell you that I've made my best progress since joining the community here and journaling daily. You seem to have a good sense of some of your triggers, and some of the ways the addiction "tricks" you, so you probably know fairly well what kind of stuff you need to be on guard for. Do whatever you can to avoid your triggers - put a blocker on your phone, leave the house or go to bed rather than be alone with a screen, etc. - and build new habits (take a walk, take a shower, journal) to help you deal with urges when you're triggered anyway. I'll also add that while I think we all have our own journey and harm reduction can be a part of that, I've had my best luck going cold turkey. No PMO, no fantasizing either - I won't intentionally deal with my stress by releasing dopamine and masking the problem anymore, because I know that's not who I want to be. By doing this, I've been able to feel more control of my life more often, because for me the principle problem is not any particular action, but the compulsion to feed the monkey in general. Good luck!
Using the features and listening to the people on this site is a major step in the right direction. Continued good luck
Hey mate. Just wanting to quit is like sitting in a room and wishing to be in another without doing anything. If you want to be in a different room you have to leave your chair, take some steps and walk into the other room. Same thing applies here. In order to leave this addiction you have to rewire your brain. In order to rewire your brain you have to clean it from all the bullshit that you have accumulated through the years of using porno... and in order to clean it you should read as much as you can about rebooting... boost your knowledge and get some first hand information about this issue... I introduce you some resources... the first one is in priority, it really changed everything for me... a book from Soaring Eagle that is translated by @HMHU for us fapstronauts. 1- https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...s-the-best-remedy.135983/page-21#post-1659594 2- Yourbrainonporn.com 3- Guardyoureyes.com Hope this helps... GOOD LUCK MATE
Porn is a "self-soothing" activity for you. Of course it doesn't really soothe you, it just distracts you briefly and then makes you feel worse afterwards. What else could you do to soothe yourself? You might get back into old hobbies, or just do a lot of reading or listening to podcasts or something. Get inspired!
Thanks guys for all of the words of wisdom. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. This in particular really made me stop and think: For so long now I've used PMO to deal with so many issues beneath the surface. This rings true also: I have everything I could ant in life. I'm overladen with hobbies if anything - I always have something to keep myself busy with. But I always default back to porn every time I encounter even the tiniest bit of stress or discomfort in my life. I honestly think if i'd discovered alcohol before porn I would've been an alcoholic instead. I'm going to read through the resources now - thanks 5adn8m8 - and will look into where to put the journals. Thanks again
