Hi everyone I'm really pleased to say that I haven't watched a pornographic video for about nine months now. Even though I still feel that I need help from the NoFap Community (and would love to help others), I would like to encourage everyone in their efforts to live a life without pornography. Much like everyone else in this forum, I found pornography a habit that gradually became more extreme over time. What began as a simple search for boobs on the Internet turned into searches for depraved and bizarre fantasies that I never knew I desired. I discovered this community online and joined up in the hope to give others encouragement in their struggle and to get some myself. I am in a new relationship that is intimate and exciting, but I still feel plagued by sexual fantasies that became entrenched while watching porn a few years ago that I find hard to remove from my brain. I still feel ashamed at my embarrassment, but I guess you could say I became hooked on interracial porn. There is of course nothing wrong with interracial porn. Why should the image of black men and white women having sex be different to any other form of porn? Intrinsically this is true, there is nothing different, except in me it sparked a crisis in my own masculinity and how I viewed myself. I would watch these videos with an increasing sense of shame. Why am I watching these videos which aggressively play up to damaging racial stereotypes? But even more shamefully, why can't I stop watching? I began to convince myself that sex was only worthwhile where huge penises were involved or where taboos could be broken (in this case, sadly, it was the horribly propagated idea by pornographers that it is still taboo for black men and white women to have sex). It was around this time in 2016 that I took a one year break from pornography to escape these thoughts which were damaging my self-esteem. Am I not worthy of having sex? My equipment isn't that big, will she not enjoy it? Will she be constantly wishing she could have sex with someone else? There's no taboo to be broken with me, am I not exciting enough? As childish as these thoughts were at the time, they were purely hypothetical as I didn't have a girlfriend. Two years later, I now have a girlfriend who I love very much, but the thoughts are back, and they come racing to the front of my mind when we are about to have sex. I would be so grateful if the NoFap Community could help me understand why porn made me feel like this and to feel a little less ashamed. I hope I can offer some encouragement to others too. Good luck to everyone on their journey here!
I did always wonder why that genre existed. It seems like a fetish born out of some 1900's segregation taboo. I'm glad you have been free 9 months that's awesome! Btw my statement is not a judgement about you or anything we have all indulged in weird fetishes.
Welcome aboard mate. I can offer my wisdom regarding having those thoughts racing into your mind before getting it on with your gf... The key is not to fight it, this will make things worse. Instead, know that you are the observer behind your thoughts. I.e. you are NOT your thoughts, but the observer (this is based on teachings by the likes of Tolle and Buddha). Then accept those thoughts, do not judge them, just observe them and finally allow them to naturally evaporate. This passive approach is also supported by western neurology. Trying to block a thought only bolsters those particular neural pathways.
No problem at all, no judgement taken. If you don't mind me asking, did you also find indulging in weird fetishes troubling?
Thank you for the advice. But by accepting these thoughts how will I be able to make peace with them?
Hey bud, please understand that this is what works for me and may not be for everyone. Firstly, by accepting I don't mean agreeing with. I mean you acknowledge the thoughts, observe them, say "these are only thoughts, they are not me, I am not my thoughts" and simply do not react. Do not judge. Do not wish them away. Simply observe without reaction. Of course, this takes practice. I also heard an athiest and neurobiologist say, in support of this, his way yo prove that your thoughts can sometimes be beyond your control, just like dreams: Ask someone to pick a 'random' song. The truth is their choiceis likely not to be random. You may not have free-will over that choice. There may be a reason, beyond your control, why you chose that 'random' song. Anyway, food for thought. Take care.
I defiantly felt shame and that it was something I would hide from people. I figured that they would think I was a creep. The actual desire didn't trouble me too much internally because sometimes what we find attractive isn't fundamentally disordered just abnormal. Does that make sense? They weren't anything illegal, just weird.
That makes a lot of sense and I find the concept of observing thoughts rather than absorbing them as a part of you a very encouraging idea. Thanks for the help
Yeah I think it’s a good idea to realise that you’re not insane for having an attraction to something, even if you then have to go through a process to understand that and feel better in yourself.
