I don't dislike all porn or all forms of porn, erotica doesn't bother me, art doesn't bother me. Porn where consent exists and people are honestly enjoying themselves doesn't bother me. But I would be rid of it all and never look or depend on it again if I could. When porm bothers me is when I don't know if the people are happy with their choices of doing porn, and also what bothers me is any kind of fantasy that seems abusive. I am in the middle of a relapse, starting fresh again now but earlier I stumbled across popular video on the site which took me to another similar video just fantasising a woman being touched up on a train. I turned it off instantly and it reminded my why I HATE porn. I hate that people have created fantasies that in the real world harm others but porn is an okay place to apparently indulge in them, it's like we're all numb monsters. I hate the message porn sends out into the world. I hate that I relapsed and went on a porn site to begin with and I hate that my curiosity clicked on such a video. Porn fantasises the world in ways it should not. And I'm having a huge moral crisis, I like to believe I'm a good person but would a good person watch porn? Would someone with a kind heart be dependent on porn for years? I hate myself a lot these days and I hate porn a lot too. Sorry I just needed this release. I have so many hate filled feelings lately and nowhere to honestly express them.
If I relapse my plan is to just only watch certain types of P. This way I don't get into the hard core or abusive stuff. Then again, when I feel mad at women some how, I want to see something of the women being treated poorly. I craved that a few times in this streak. So I'd probably end up seeing some of that. As long as its not something abusive towards me like the sissy-hypno stuff. But ideally, not abusive at all. I just want to numb out because I'm in a lot of pain. I remember how numb I felt on PMO... Comfortably numb. I am wanting that now because my life is really difficult and I think it will be years before I am ready to have a GF so why bother. I just want to give up.
If you relapse, I promise that you'll end up feeling worse than you do now. I remember the comfortably numb feeling of being entrenched in pmo addiction before starting nofap. I gave in a few times and fell back into the habit, but their was nothing comfortably numb about it. I just felt guilty the whole time and just wanted to get back on the wagon. I think that once you commit to nofap, PMO will never be the same as it was before you realized what you got yourself into. Don't give up. Deal with the pain now and you'll be happy that you did down the road.
Man, your brain, through your emotions, will do EVERYTHING to trick you and bring you back to the addiction. Me and a lot of folks here are facing the same feelings that you are, but u have to know that is just NOISE, and the most dangerous stuff is not having a relapse or feeling the desire to have a woman in your bed, but when we feed that kind of though: " i'm not willing to keep noFAP forever anyways, i will be reseting the clock at some point". It will catch you in a cycle that keeps you relapsing while you tell yourself: this time i'll make it. NOfap is not about quiting P.M and just stand still, you got to change a lot of your own habits in order for a better self-control. I really suggest you to start on cold shower and meditation stuff. These two helped me a lot since i joined here.
Everytime I relapse, I feel like giving up of nofap, but I never truly do. I hate the way I feel when relapse it makes me hate porn with all my strength, but somehow I forget all about that and give in to this addiction.
Relapse plans tend to go south. If your relapse lasts for any period of time you're likely going to go back to what you most like - what gives you the biggest kick. At least that's what happens for me. Yes. This is true. There's an old saying in AA that AA will ruin your drinking. I think this is the same sort of thing. When I relapse I enjoy the actual fapping but I hate it all the rest of the time. Yes.
If it's really a problem for you could just get rid of personal internet, and just go to places with wifi or to the library if you need it. I'm a CG artist so I need internet to make a living. If that wasn't the case then I would've gladly gotten rid of my internet and computer years ago.
You made some good points. Can you tell me how you know.someone is enjoying porn vs someone is paid to.do.it and pretend to enjoy themselves because that is their job? Can you tell if people are damaging their.mental state by being told to basically be treated like a circus animal stripped naked without their dignityand be on a schedule to "perform in front of the camera". Do we get to see the lives these porn stars live? Its often hard for them to get a real partner because they are trained not to have emotional attachments to lovers and who wants someone who has been rooted by 300 different people with a high chance of a disease? Humans deserve to be treated better than animals. Some are poor and just do it for their families, some agree to do it because they feel worthless and feel like they are just a piece of meat. Some enjoy being degraded because they don't know any other life. Lots of moral questions here. But ultimately what were humans made for? To have a loving lifelong partner who they exclusively become vulnerable with sexually, mentally, emotionally, for life perhaps? Where does multiple relationships or sex working or voyeurism end up?...hmm I think a pretty dark place like you have experienced it seems.
I wrote this post awhile ago, I agree, its very hard to tell if someone is actually happy doing what they do, but i was referring to couples who outwardly enjoy sex and are open about it and happily post their own videos. However, I am at the point now where I will probably never watch another porn video ever again. I dislike porn websites severly at this point in time. M and O is still a tough thing for me to over come completely, I just have to keep myself busy enough so i dont think about it. But P is something i am disgusted by at the moment and I hope it stays that way for life, its a depressing industry which does not serve anyone, nor the viewer or the producer. Its been almost a week, never going back.
No happy person will record a porn, these people are or psychopaths (man) or narcissistic women, they usually have personality disorders and they have experienced a difficult childhood emotionally. An emotionally healthy person won't go into porn ever, even if they don't have money, they will rather find a regular job. But women with narcissistic personality disorder are likely to go into porn as they have damaged brains.
porn isn't rewarding, i want everlasting rewards so i choose nofap, rewards in relationships, life experiences, smells and tastes, unplugging myself from the Matrix which is fake rewards, fake feelings
i dislike it because it has giving me bi tendancies even tho il not bi only on the computer i am not in real life. also im a straight male and it’s makeing me confused even tho i know i love girls
