Hey Recently i was fapping and i had a bit of a moment of clarity we’re i really just stopped and looked at myself and what i was fapping too. My sexual tastes have gradually become somthing so warped im honestly so disappointed in myself. im so ashamed if anybody ever found out about this i dont know how i would live with myself. Ive been trying nofap on and off for years now with little commitment but now i feel i need get too 30 days no pmo just to try and gain some self respect.
Sure thing mate. Same stuff happened here too. Your tastes get worse talking about porn because you need more to get aroused. I must say that in 30 days of no PMO I got it reversed, so don't worry about it.
Carry the idle time of those days with activities that you feel included with a more authentic purpose. Good lucky!!!
Take the right steps now, quit forever and don’t look back. Go for counselling if that makes you feel better. Take as much time as you need to wean off habit and focus on you. Spend a long time outside. Go for more walks. Do lots of things that distract you from thinking about it.
That's what happens with online porn addiction, the severe cases at least. After time a certain something just doesn't cut it anymore, in nearly every case its the "vanilla porn"..the novelty wears off and you need something more shocking and fresh to get off so to speak and you keep going deeper and deeper into a bizarre array of online searches until one day you find yourself masturbating to something so bizarre and disgusting it makes you want to break down and cry. I won't mention the details of my experience with this due to triggers but I started with "vanilla porn" and it slowly morphed into something that isn't normal at all. When I came to realize how badly I warped my mind I knew it was time to stop and reclaim my brain, and my sexuality. Its a disease and you can be healed because I've been healed, and I consider myself to have been one of the more extreme cases. Put a blocker on your phone and computer. Get outside, take up a hobby, breathe the fresh air, find a good long book. Start to reclaim your life and defeat the demon beast that is currently residing inside of your mind. You can do it.
Funny, I just wrote about this issue on my log (https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-long-hard-road.190508/#post-1632726) For me, porn has definitely exacerbated the issue, but the core paraphilia was always there. I think the most important thing is to start with self-compassion and to fully accept yourself without judging yourself. If you shame yourself for it, you will only make it worse.
Yep, that is my experience too, you start off thinking ur in control and then before you know it the porn u r watching is a whole lot different to wot u started with. I too had a moment wen I thought how low I've sunk as a person. Getting out of the hole has been reelly difficult cos finding how to fill all those hours I spent on porn is still challenging but every day I am not pmo I look in the mirror a bit less ashamed of myself but I know for me this is going yo take me a long time to feel clean again. Keep going on this stuff cis it is so worth it.
Good to hear you're inspired of giving up on porn! I've had those moments too, and i once had the realization while i was masturbating, that i masturbated to an idea. I never ever imagined how the act or the woman would feel or anything like that. I realized, that i was hooked on these "available/giving" women as an idea. That moment had a helpful impact on me afterwards. Keep on striving!
So glad someone posted this. Past few months was the ultimate crossover from vanilla porn to images I fapped to and saw leaving me traumatized. I am here to stop the porn escalation. It is real. It is fucking scary. Day 6 here.
I can't begin to tell you where this leads. I am in the middle of the biggest life trauma I have ever had. I am at risk of loosing my wife and family. It took this much to make me realize that I am addicted, and went to see a sex addiction therapist. Not cheap, and as yet I cant really tell you if it's worthwhile! Be careful what you watch and who you talk to.
Reading these stories gave me chills. I can relate to so much with the exception of not being married. The porn industry is pushing every type of damn fetish out there and it's more accessible than ever before; one can have and live with this addiction without a soul knowing and, if we're good actors, without having any discernible outward symptoms. But those who know can almost see it in the eyes of the afflicted, in their speech and body language. The lack of eye contact, the rushed, stammered speech and meek, hunchbacked demeanor that silently screams out "I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing and I am genuinely ashamed by it". This is *not* what we were meant to do with our lives. We were meant for greatness, to rise above all the challenges thrown at us and to be the best version of ourselves we can possibly be. We need to get back to living the positive, productive and authentically happy life that we envisioned for ourselves as children. I write all this not to shame anyone, but rather to empower and to remind everyone of what could be, of what is possible if we just believed and followed through. It's our only life after all. I wish everyone the best in conquering this problem and achieving anything and everything you want in life.
Honestly man i keep coming back to this post to read your comment. it really gives me hope that i can change the way my mind is at thanks
Consider yourself lucky, maybe you're desensitized to vanilla sex but at least you're not desensitized to the guilt of being desensitized to it. Lol I mean this light heartedly.