Hello everyone, I'm stuck with two questions and I hope someone has the answers here. The first one is the easiest I think. Since I began trying to stop my addiction, edging is something I started to suffer with. I have to say that my gut feeling says to not do it at all cost and that my addicted mind is trying to trick me to get it's fix. I know it's not good but, is there anything to benfit from edging. I mean isn't it good to arouse yourself like crazy and than just stop and say NO. Isn't that willpower training. My honest experience is that 9 of 10 times I will have to give in at last sadly enough and when I win "the battle" that there will soon be a new battle to loose so I wouldn't recommend it maybe but, is there anything good about edging? The second is much more difficult I think. I have been struggling for a while. I had some vacation ln late july. I've bought a house in some small woods last year and I'm renovating it since. I still live with my parents because it's closer to work and some other reasons to. I don't have internet in my own house and I don't want internet there. Certainly not as long as I am having this addiction. When I am having vacation and I'm staying in my own house, I can't post on this forum of course. I worked there in late july and had less O's then normal but I had some. I don't have acces to P there wich is good in my opinion. When I got home with my parents again, I immediately had a relapse to PMO sadly enough. Next week I went to work and stayed up quite late like I was with vacation and had a quite bad week with lot's of relapses. I know that it was tiredness that made me relapse the most. I see my goals very clear normally and I know that the person that I want to be isn't addicted but when I'm tired, it looks like I'm not so motivated and I feel like I'm not that person who isn't addicted so I should give in to my urges and you name it. I reacted to motivate myself again that week, to make my goals clear and to be disciplined and I took some vacation after that week. I went to my house in the woods and I feel like I did good. I think I had 2 O's that week but, I felt like I could keep on pushing forward like that and overcome my addiction while working on the house. When I came home on sunday, I saw my goals and I killed the urges and went to work last monday. When I came home last monday, I had to look up things on internet for my house while I was tired and that again led to a relapse. I had a very bad week since then with no motivation and a feeling that I can't do it at this moment. Sometimes I think it isn't the moment to overcome my addiction because of the stress of renovating a house and the lots of work. On the other hand I know that a part of me will allways say that (because that part of me is addicted probably). I also see renovating a house a bit as a gift to because I know very good what to do with my spare time of course. The real problem I see now is that when I come home from work, tired and I still have work instead having the choice of going to sleep and my urges come to me, I'm not capable of handling them. I'm tired but I'm not tired enough to relapse of course sadly enough. While I know that there is a possibillity of a relapse for many reasons, I dont really know how to handle one when I'm tired and having work to do. That's why I gave up some hope and had such a bad week. Still, I planned to find the energy in the weekend and not go to my own house and post this here and hope someone can help. Thank's a lot to everyone for taking the time to read this and very much luck and succes for all of you guy's and girls.
Nothing will replace force of will and practice. My opinion is that you entertain a schizophrenic mindset regarding that aspect of yourself. You consciously know it is not good for you but you consciously crave it at the same time. The turning point will be when you trully decide to quit forever, not for a month or 10 days, because you will trully be certain it's not what you want. It's like junkies basically. They could stop but they don't really want to. Also ejaculating while already being tired is certainly a bad idea.
Practice willpower, practice patterns which succeed in stopping urges, thought that lead you to control. Consider them anti-PMO triggers, they work trigger patterns which pull you away from porn. The more you practice, the easier will they be to deploy when youre tired and cant concentrate. I used to edge alot, without O. Drop is not heavy like after O, when there is strong and immediate change in mood but it still made me feel worse for days afterwards. And it wastes so much time, sometimes i thought it would be better to O to cut the losses. Edging is less intense but it will give you a higher dosage of dopamine cause it lasts longer.
Thank both of you for your answers. Yes, there might be some truth in my schizophrenic mindset. I have to say that I'm not really planning to only stop for some days you know. I want to get rid of this addiction and when I feel like it's gone I would like to begin to train for tantric sex. I would love to be a good partner later you see. It's when I'm tired, there is like a demon coming to get me to do what is not good for me when I'm weak. I do meditate sometimes but not when tired. I feel like I don't have the energy but of course there is plenty of energy to PMO ironically enough. Well it's more like I don't have the energy to fight in my opinion. Yeah, I feel like a junkie sometimes. I've been so concious to not abuse anything in my life because I was warned but, nobody warned me for the dangers of sex enough and now I'm here with this addiction. I don't blame anyone you know. There should be more conciousness in the world about sex addiction to me that's all to me. For the rest I do have quite a lot of willpower according to friends and family because I've proven it in many other things. Only sex looks like a real issue to me. I however can practice some more willpower because I use some sugar in my life. A lot less than I used to use but I still use sugar. I have to say that I do some heavy labour sometimes to and I don't think sugar is a real issue but throwing it out of my life would require some willpower to me but not nearly as much as sex. Do you think it would be a benefit because I've lived like a vegan a couple of months and during that time I took very little sugar. I live more like a vegetarian now because it takes time to live like a vegan and search for your food in stores and I wanted to renovate my house and concentrate on quitting PMO. Again, thanks a lot for taking time to read and answer my post. I appreciate it.
When you say "tired", do you mean anxious / out of balance / not feeling well? If that is the case the solution is to learn to balance yourself, and stay so. Masturbation might be a totally illusory quick fix for unbalanced states of mind/body.A quick drug to escape pain. I used to struggle with insomnia and that's usually when i relapsed, because i experience unbalanced mental/physical/energetical pains.
Well I suffred from insomnia until I learned mastrubation. Before that I took medication for that and I believe masturbation was a much better option but now I'm done with that to and I learned to meditate to calm my mind if I can't sleep. What I mean with tired is tired of working a day long and beginning to need to sleep. When I sleep, the next morning I might feel much better and go live an awsome day. Some days are a bit more difficult and that's when I woke up at night with urges and have been lying awake some hours. Day's after such a night might have a relapse. This is more rare than just being tired. Somethimes I really don't feel well and I have a rather depressed mood but last years I became stronger to overcome that mood. Sometimes I also feel anxious to not do in life what I want to do, to begin with quitting this addiction. I don't completely understand what you mean with out of balance but after a day of working I do suffer with resetting my "life goals" when I go from working to spare time and having to do other work.
I do understand where you are. If you want i can help you with that insomnia. I know the subject very well. When you have those insomnias, it is because you are not going to bed in a balanced state of mind/body energy. Maybe you are agitated, maybe you are worried, maybe over exhausted.... Anyway if you want more personal advices just pm me. I think we have similar physical and mental orientations so i see quite well what you expose and i have been through it a few years ago.
I will state my experience on the subject since your question proves a bit difficult for me to formulate a proper answer. Edging does 90% of the harm which induces the modern male to lose drive. Why that? Hunting and gathering. Human beings were required to put themselves at risk for survival some time ago. Complex brain chemicals were responsable for sending signals that made us act in some way according to the stimuli provided by critical conditions. It knows hunger will or already is a factor. Adrenaline-like components rush through the body and shape the mindset of a predator. Accomplishing the task releases "ecstasy" related chemicals that make it clear that this should be done more often, motivation 101. Now back to the main topic. By artificially prologing that state of alertness, indulging on novelty that engages on hyper stimulation of the reward system, we damage the pathways and cannot execute the most basic functions as efficiently. Mundane requirements of being an adult are transcripted as wasted effort since it can't even come close to mating with the optimal desired pixels on a screen. I didn't quite get what your second question was.
Thank all of you for your answers. Yeah I know edging isn't good but, you did clear that up again. While it "might" have the benefit of willpower training, it also has the probability of a relapse. It's better to conclude that edging is bad. To make it short about my second question. When I'm physically tired from working as a technician trough the day, I feel like I'm drained. I still have work to do when I get home because I'm renovating a house and when I'm that drained, I probably relapse. This is very common but I don't have a solution for the fact that I have work to do, also on internet, when I'm tired. Thanks again everyone.
This what I'm about to write might be a tough one to swallow. In order to get something better we must sacrifice the "good" we have right now. Yes, work will exhaust the hell out of you and it must be endured if you strive reach for new horizons. Your performance will suck, everything surrounding will complain that you are not doing enough, that you used to be better. That's necessary. To thrive after damaging oneself it is required recovery and it often ain't pretty or manageable. Fever is your body's response to combat the source of sickness. Eating gets difficult but its an even more essential task than before the trouble arised. If you're really done with being miserable you won't use O's to medicate the drain state that your routine causes. Things tend to get worse before reaching a desired stage. Think like this, stress will serve as natural selection, your brain will face it as adapt or perish. Bones rebuild stronger after trauma. Face the demons you cultivated throughout these years and you shall return wiser.
@I Love, I'm also really into edging, but for at least 30 days I've decided to stop. It's too risky and will cause a relapse for sure. I'm also having trouble sleeping lately because of the increased energy from no PMO. One solution I have thought about, but not yet implemented, is CBD. It is the non-psychoactive part of marijuana and it's legal in all 50 states. You can get it as hemp oil or vaporized CBD. It's a bit expensive, but may help you if you want to consider it. If it gets worse for me, I may consider it too.
