I've struggled with trying to beat porn for years now. I've enabled K9 on my browsers and have seen only a few minutes of porn in the last month or so, but I still succumb to the urge to fap at images. Needless to say porn has had a devastating impact on my life, the struggle with addiction, low sexual confidence. I want to be free. I want to be free of being a puppet of distant images, to be able to connect deeply with women minus the use of ED pills. The pain is deep, the scars are deep. I've finally reached out for help to the wider world because I want to just release some of the pain. I've lost so much of my life to numbness, anxiety, fear and I want to be able to breathe again. To live. I'm a shadow of the real me, battling this addiction I've seen glimpses of the real me - strong, powerful, confident but I usually relapse. And a relapse is corrosive to the self. I'll be taking it a day a time, learning how to be free. I want to live before I die and I've lost out on so many potentially wonderful relationships over the years. It saddens me. I pray to God that I can heal. That after all these years I can finally be free. I want to be a human being, not a fap slave to images.
Sounds like you're doing well. Give yourself some credit. Next time you fap, try sensation only: http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-do-i-masturbate-without-porn Have you watched the vids at www.yourbrainonporn.com?
Thanks Dogwood. I've seen a few of the videos at yobp but a long time ago. Day 2 - 3 is always somehow difficult. I can't believe it's taken me so many years to join NoFap's forum. I guess the shame kept me at bay. But reading posts of fellow men who are also struggling and in many cases winning is inspiring. Just going to focus on work today and going to the gym.
You can do this man! One of the biggest breakthroughs for me was accepting that I am responsible for what is going on in my life. Once I really saw this I recognized that I had the power to choose what I wanted and no-one else. When I am responsible, no one has the power to hurt me but me. It's a profound step. I pray for you Vik. Take it one day at a time like you said, and just be easy on yourself through the process of healing. Recognize that we are learning to break through fear and cope with situations in a new way. (without porn) Blessings of peace!
Thanks DcChris. Struggling today with blue balls. I tried M today without P & O but feel very guilty. I have all this energy I feel I need to expend and it's really causing this tension in my body. How to ease the tension? Channel it elsewhere?
