Oh no, not another escort question.

Thanks. I think the emotional aspect of sex is important for rewiring as well. The problem of masturbation is not purely psychical, so I am certain that rewiring should be more comprehensive and I am aware that using escort leads a lot of PMOers to another addiction.

I can't agree with your though, that we objectify taxi drivers - I do not consider them like a object and not all interactions can be classified as 'using'. Nevertheless, even if we categorize some interactions as using, we should not categorize (in our brain or even subconscious) intimate interactions etc. like that. Using escorts leads to disturbed view on the partner and can results in problems in relationships. I have never use escort, but I have used a lot of girls, what can sounds so exciting (and was), but now I regret and I am sure I will be better person if I hadn't done that.

"Don't make her do things that she's not willing to do." - she usually is not willing to have sex with her customer but she is forcing herself to that for money.

 

Hi.

Using escorts is generally an escalation of a porn addiction into a sex addiction. Not everyone who has ever used an escort is a sex addict just as not everyone who has watched porn is a porn addict. But, if you're in a situation and you can't stop, you may be an addict.

Just want to say I have seen (and experienced) the twisted logic the brain goes through to escalate the addiction. "Oh, I'll just use an escort to help me with problem X (my PIED or whatever), or "oh, it's just a service and I need to unwind a little", or "oh, I'm just curious, I just think I should try it out". That kind of thinking is usually an addictive thought process designed for one purpose, to get you to take a bigger hit of dopamine for your brain. Remember, you're brain can't do anything on its own. It's stuck in your head. If it's going to get a bigger hit, it's going to have to convince you to do something with your feet and take it there.

BTW, I say this here from time to time. Using others for any reason is bad recovery. Good recovery is thinking about how our actions affect other people _before_ we take them, and then redirecting our actions appropriately. I mean this nicely: you have PIED, tough crap. You have it because you looked at porn. Using another person whether it is an escort or a girlfriend is wrong. It's wrong to use a person for one's own benefit.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Honestly so do I. I still think about paying for sex quite a bit.

But so many consequences and ultimately it’s not what I really want in the long term. I want a real heart connection with a woman, not just the physical.

So I’ll keep away from the prostitutes. (For now. Who knows, I might give in someday. 51 years old now and women just aren’t interested in me.)

 

A good buddy of mine in recovery just got married for the first time at age 63. Don't count yourself out. Work on liking yourself and the right person will be attracted to you. Also, if you have (and I have no idea) any misaligned expectations about what you find acceptable in a partner, then I encourage you to challenge yourself to let those go.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Once again, why? Rewiring is a physiological process. Emotions play little to no role in the act. I can't make myself agree with you, unless I face an argument that emotions are indeed mandatory and not optional in the process of rewiring. Sex with emotions is better than sex without, but both options get the deal done.

And going back to objectification. What I want to do is draw is a parallel between a taxi driver and an escort. Both work for money. Both offer a service, that you decide whether to use or not to use. Both might hate their job. And unless you can tell me a crucial difference between the two, I do not understand why you are OK with taxi drivers, but not fine with escorts. They are, broadly speaking, doing the same thing.

And last but not least, using escorts does not lead to disturbed views about sex. Using escorts can lead to disturbed views about sex. There is a minor difference here, one that is completely dependent on your personal values. If you end up having misconceptions about women after having sex with an escort, that's on you. It's your responsibility to understand what you are doing and how that affects how you view other women.

 

Actually, we more or less de-objectify them: "I took a taxi over here." The driver doesn't even exist in that sentence.

And then there are: "I saw an escort", "I visited an escort", "I engaged an escort", "I hired an escort".

So it's not just a linguistic analysis.

I like seeing escorts. I have to watch out, it can be habit-forming. Now that my junk really works, it's an effort not to overdo it.

Though there have been periods where I went years without seeing one.

It was with escorts that I found out that I had PIED. They were pretty chill about it - they seemed disappointed more than contemptuous. (Of course, that was while I was there. I expect they had a different attitude if they discussed it with others after I left. I don't much care.)

And recently, it was with escorts that I found that I no longer have PIED. That was glorious, it's the first time my junk has worked right (erections AND orgasms - AND orgasms that I didn't have to use my hands for, which I often did with women, years before high speed internet porn) in years.

I'm old, unattractive, and introverted. So non-escort options are unlikely in the extreme, especially attractive ones.

 

It depends on your goal. I agree you can heal PIED without engaging emotions in sexual act, but the porn affects life in more different ways. I always think about comprehensive approach to such complex problems. I do not blame anyone for using escorts, but I want to warn people that healing porn addiction by escorts can be just switching one addiction for another. I think I can agree that if somebody's main goal is to cure PIED only (not including brain rewiring in order to create romantic relationship in the future) and that person has already dealed with porn addiction then reasonable using of escorts can be okay. Especially if it is the only chance to have regular sex. However I can see a trap of escort addiction replacing porn one. What is more all problems with immediate gratification and novelty typical for porn concerns also escorts.

Difference between a taxi driver and a prostitute is in fact determined by the difference between ride and sex. I can see a big role of sex in relationships and way it affect our identity, life satisfaction etc.