Joining NoFap after a 153 day streak relapse

Writing this out will be invaluable to me starting my next streak, so here it goes.

Warning: certain words may arouse highly sensitive individuals

I think that I first got into the habit of locking the door and unlocking my iPod to find arousing material when I was 12. My middle school made us sit through talks about the dangers of porn, but I never thought that the information given would apply to me some day. What I didn't realize was that wanking to clothed people can be just as dangerous to the brain as wanking to naked people. Essentially, they are one in the same: the content arouses you, the reward circuit fires up, you wank and O, and the chemicals flood your brain. Because of my religion, I avoided looking at nudes. Sadly, girls in swim suits didn't cut it any more after a while, so I had to look at naked people to be aroused. I felt really guilty, but the way that I dealt with my guilt was through more PMO. A downward-spiraling cycle of addiction!

I read somewhere that PMO causes PE, so I just increased the length of my sessions to avoid that. I could spend anywhere from 10 to 50 minutes just working up to one O. I even figured out how to have multiple O's. I desensitized myself somewhat over the course of a few years, so I would take short breaks from PMO (with great difficulty) to recover. I consider these to be my first recognition of needing NoFap.

So, the problems with spending such a vast amount of time on PMO (about 2-4 hours a week) were numerous:

1. (I read this one) when you wank a lot, your schlong gets an unusually high time with a high amount of blood flow. This means that the blood chambers more elastic, so your erection eventually is not as hard after a few years.
2. Desensitization
3. My grades suffered because of less study time. Without a doubt, I could have been valedictorian instead of 20th. If I had a test where I did not know the answer, I would always realize that I should have studied instead of PMOing.
4. I had to make lies and excuses about what I was doing with all that time. I had to get creative, so I always felt disgusted with the brilliance and believability of the deceptive lies that I could come up with
5. My Social life outside of school was replaced by porn
Umm...I literally did not go out with any friends in high school until my senior year. I only went to prom because my parents forced me. I still have never dated because of a fear of rejection. I had anxiety to the point where I had to be on a medication.
6. Edging for that long involved looking at a LOT of different videos and images. This caused me to crave variety and novelty. (Making the idea of sex (same person, many minutes vs. new people every few seconds) sound boring)

I tried NoFap for Lent in 2017 and almost made it all the way through. I relapsed pretty hard and started looking at more intense stuff. More guilt, more PMO. I realized that I was wanking when I felt sad, angry, happy, whatever. PMO was how I dealt with emotions.

I took this a step further. Again I gave up PMO. for Lent 2018. I will document thisat process later, but I experienced so many benefits. I even went to prom with a date because I had enough confidence to ask her to go with me. At the end of Lent, I started to jack off because I had made it to the end, but I stopped myself. Soon , 50 days turned into 60, then 80, 100, and more days of no PMO. I graduated high school and felt like I was on top of the world. Then 120 days, 130, 140, 150. 5 months.

Finally day 153 came. I had been feeling insanely horny for the was three days, and I could not shake the craving. I pulled out my schlong, pulled out some P, and went for it. Best O ever. I collapsed to the floor and could not move for 10 seconds. I didn't feel guilty at all.

Then then next day came. Chaser effect!!!! I relapsed 18 times in the next 3 days. I lost all of what I had worked for.

I felt hopeless, so I joined NoFap yesterday. I had hours of tormenting thoughts. Rock bottom. Mental agony. To know that 5 months of work were destroyed for 10 seconds of the greatest O of all time. Don't relapse, people!!!

So now I'm just trying to get my life back in line for college, which is why I just joined NoFap. I'm not going to get lady friends in this current state. I need my superpowers back. Best of luck to the rest of you.