I want to tell every aspect of my life going through from almost 17 years... Help me out friends please... From the age of 14 I was attracted to soft bikini nude dirty picture etc but not porn .at that time mostly internet was available .from now and then after school I was eagerly waited till midnight to watch that bikini destination and other serial which had soft porn.then i was only 14 no seperate bedroom . I had to sleep in hall in front of TV.this gave me access to soft porn.but I was just watching due to extreme desire at that age didn't involve in masturbate. As time goes on. one day at the age of 15 was watching dirty show in some channel suddenly some fluid discharged.i was not aware of that thought it was something . next day same routine after school at midnight watching that dirty show felt strong desire to rub against my handle.didnt know it was masturbation.from then on started that dirty thing masturbation...still didn't watched porn .. Was doing masturbation 2 times a week.but didn't regret at that time. Then at the age of 16 computer come with that I was introduced to porn by friend who would share porn films..though computer was in hall..would just waited the time when my parents go out..watched porn and masturbate this dirty thing go on untill I was 18 still didn't felt ashamed thought it was normal.. Meanwhile my academic ,sports activity,talking to girls .was very bold no fear nothing ,all other thing were good. After moving to new home got my own bedroom.this is the worst part of life.acces to porn and masturbate anytime.know one had access to my bedroom.but still didn't had internet access..was doing masturbation 4 times a week. One day due to advertisement in paper got broadband internet connection that to unlimited..wow was very happy ..happy because of i can watch porn anytime .. Then the utter worst part of my life was like a owl didn't know day and night was just watching porn and masturbate.just two things in my brain..still thought it normal..didn't felt ashame... One thing whenever I browse newspaper article all used to tell watching porn and masturbate is normal.at that time was happy to hear that... At the age of 20 side effects started academic got worst was failed miserably and had to sit in home for one year ,not interested in sports, always wanted to watch porn and masturbate..always fear of people's .not able to eye contact..was looking women like an object.. Always tired,blurry eye,nothing interested me except porn and masturbation... This all thing continued.at age of 21 I had gone to religion tour..their I promised I will leave that habit for the first time on my life I was really felt shameless and cried a lot in front of God ,but after returning from tour was not involved PM for nearly 90 days..after that my brain faded I was like for only one time I will do PM and then will leave..that one time started to old time ..again continued PM for 7 days of week... everytime I felt killing myself... Graduated with low grades..then opted to Masters.then also same thing continued...every time was introducing new type of porn and porn stories..was doing PM and then attended academic class..life was terrible at that time... After masters no job loneliness.due to frustration of no job was involved in PM 3 times a day..and after getting job also not stopped.. headache started severely Age of 25 decided to leave PM but couldn't.it was like petrol to bike..no petrol bike will not run..same case without PM I was unable to move..but headache was severe , eye's very blurry all time.concentartion was low..all side-effects very at High on me... Atlast at the age of 27 with strong desire again decided to leave PM.. after coming across NO FLAP.. First time left for 15 days relapse atleast 3 times.in between my head Pain alot .felt like was drug addict.have no control on my self... Second with lot of courage started with aim of 30 days with no PM.. relapse 10times..don't now what to do... Third time with aim of coming out decide NO PM..but relapse 12time on 25days... I begging and crying please help me..i m trying but couldn't come out of Porn and Masturbate. I want to live my life normal ..want to enjoy everything in life..I m always feeling tired,lazy .unable to concentrate..PM is taken over me unable to control.when writing this I was thinking let's masturbate... Help me please think to kill my self. whenever sad i masturbate whenever happy I masturbate.. literally I have no control on my self..... Help me please Please help me I want to live this habbit please guys help me..
You're doing exactly the right thing in writing about your experiences. You've realised there is a problem and you want to fix it. That took a lot of courage. You've done brilliantly so far. Now it's time to take it to the next level. Use this forum and find all the tips that you can which sound like they might work for you. Replace the habit of PMO with other things you find really interesting. I am taking the time to finish all the books I have started over the last few years. Each time I finish a book I am so thrilled and that inspires me to keep going. I'm sure other more experienced people on the forum here will chip in with their own ideas as well. You're doing great. Let's beat this thing and live even better lives. We can do it!
Seems to me like you have too much alone time on your hands. First thing you need to do is realize you have problem which you did. Next thing is you need to take it SERIOUS and make a decision to not pmo no matter what. Lastly you need to get busy...leave house and dont come back until you are tired. Go back to playing sports , hanging out w friends, working at job, voulenteering....anything other then being in the house alone. The only times i ever relapsed was when i was alone at home and near computer so i say stay away from this scenerio
