What if Your Own Imagination is Sicker than Porn? Day 66 no PM, Still struggling to enjoy sex..

serialfpr · Jun 14, 2018

Hey guys,

I just started nofap 66 days ago and I've been successful with zero porn or masturbation. I'm 26 years old and this is after a history of masturbating multiple times daily since 6 years old, and watching porn since 10 years old.

What if your own imagination is even more sick than porn you find online? I find that most of my fantasies are actually products of my own imagination rather than images/videos I've seen online. Some of my fantasies are very bad (won't go into detail) while some are pretty normal (e.g. thinking of some specific girl I know).

In most cases, I just enjoy masturbating and my own thoughts much more than sex with a girl. During my period of no PM I have had sex with a few different girls but I feel like I can't really enjoy the sex so much. I've always had this issue in my life that masturbation can be much more enjoyable.. It's so weird as I might be even fantasising about a girl and then meet her, but then not actually enjoy the sex that much.

Anyone with similar issues and did you get over it? I'm sure that my issue is 100% a mental problem, because I've had some moments in my life where I've had amazing feeling sex with reduced consciousness (e.g. waking up half sleeping in the morning, or hangover/drunk mix, something like that where I haven't fully been there and able to enjoy it much more.)

Do you think this can also be about finding the right girl? The girls I've seen have most been very attractive, ranging from 7-8 on my personal scale, but none that I've really felt were "girlfriend" material. For the record, I've had 2 long term girlfriends in the past and the sex was less enjoyable than some one night stands I've had.

helpfuldude · Jun 14, 2018

I get you. I'm also 26 and luckily I didn't have high speed internet when I was a teenager so I have developed good social skills, dated women. With that confidence combined with porn addiction, I didn't value women much, never been monogamous until one year ago. I wanted to try everything, and I did cross many items of my sexual bucket list but they were never that satisfying. Here are my suggestions for you, some may not apply to you, but maybe they will help others:

- Finding the right girl is VERY important. Aside from the physical aspect, there are the mental and emotional aspect of sex which amplify each other and move the experience to another level. After I experienced it, now I know that I won't have the same connection with a random attractive girl. Our sexual experiences would be one sided, not mutual.

- I also have fantasies, some very sick, some are acceptable. But my fantasies are always selfish (I guess yours are too), not just focused on my pleasure only, but also constructed in a way to boost my ego. I believe that I'm trying to make up for my insecurities in my fantasy world, just like a physically weak person playing online games as a strong warrior. I asked myself if I want to keep living in the fantasy world or breaking free, facing my weaknesses and becoming a better person along the way.

- Some girls accepted to act out my fantasies, and just like a drug, it created a temporary physical rush, but afterwards it was just emptiness. But after loving sex, the satisfaction lasts for days, you truly feel fulfilled.

- What you are saying is also related to consumerist modern world, we simply desire to desire. Once we have it, we don't even enjoy it, we simply start desiring something else. I strongly recommend meditation and mindfulness. As an exercise, try focusing only on the person you are with, while having sex.

PMO addict · Jun 14, 2018

I have a pretty vivid imagination. It has become a little more manageable during this streak so far. I am always careful to be gentle with myself when it comes to the things that bubble up in my mind. I try to be accepting and understanding, and I avoid going into self-condemnation. Sometimes it would come up in my mind, and be outside of my control. I would sometimes write about them but not in an erotic-story kind of a way. More like an analytical way or empirical way. But not in a toxic-shame-laden way, either. I've gotten a little better at shifting my mind from a fantasy episode in the last few weeks, and the fantasies I either choose to allow, or am unable to change, tend to be of a subject matter that is more comfortable for me. Some of my fantasies were a little uncomfortable for me, earlier on. I don't fully understand it.

serialfpr · Jun 23, 2018

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I think it would be another experience to be with a girl whom you feel you have a real connection with. I'm 26 years old now and have had a couple of girlfriends but never really felt like I've found "the one". I hope it will happen one day, but in the meantime I'll have to keep expanding my sexual experiences and keep looking for the one.

I had an interesting experience last weekend. I know it's not smart, but I went out, got drunk and also did some coke.. now for the record, I don't really condone doing drugs and very very rarely do them (or go out altogether), but I have an issue that I can't say no when I'm drunk and my friends suggest something like this.

I took a cute 18 year old girl home from the bar and when we got to bed started having sex. It felt really intimate and I was very turned on, but I couldn't get an erection because I was too high/drunk. However, a after sleeping a few hours we had really amazing sex - 3 times in a row! I think a big part of this was that I was really turned on by this girl in bed. She was attractive to me not only physically but somehow more on an emotional level. She seemed to be crazy about sex which turned me on like a lot.

As said doing drugs is no good, so I hope I can get similar experiences when sober. I might see the same girl again some day and try, hoping for the best.

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What if Your Own Imagination is Sicker than Porn? Day 66 no PM, Still struggling to enjoy sex..

serialfpr Fapstronaut

helpfuldude Fapstronaut

PMO addict Fapstronaut

serialfpr Fapstronaut