Day 27: libido has been through the roof for 3 days but now I’m flatlining again???

Its a damn roller coaster. Thats all I know. I went from the mental states of god - beggar - god - beggar several times since the porn got kicked 24 days ago.

Hang in there man! Keep the end in sight! Picture the end goal and hold it up there in your brain like a hologram.

 

Were you a heavy user? What was your frequency? Average a day?

I would feel good for a week or two then hell for a month or so then good for a week or two again. That’s my roller coaster

 

For the past year it got to the point of usually 1 or 2 times a day and occasionally 3 or more times a day. My triggers were usually being pulled on a daily basis.

I ended the porn itself by taking control of my environment - by changing it. I moved and have barely been tempted by porn. I think that removed the physical location trigger as well as the people triggering me, but quiting masturbation is a lot tougher now on my own than I thought it would be (3 relapses). I do recommend moving if possible. It is 150x easier if location/people are a big part of your triggers.

If you can, try and dig into your past. The abuse you experienced. The rejection or neglect. When it makes more sense to you, you are able to stop blaming yourself for your problems and recognize that a kid that grows up that way used those behaviors as a defense and now they just slow you down. It's a matter of accepting that you weren't born that way. I am pretty tired, but what do you think? Do you blame yourself for a lot of your behaviors?

 

There is something to being in an area where you do things, smoking, writing or even pmo. But can’t move right now, not the best of times.

I do blame myself. I took myself down this rabbit hole, but what happened after I don’t really blame myself, if that makes sense. I blame myself for getting into pmo but I don’t blame myself for the symptoms, which deters my life, because I didn’t know, I blame other things for that. I do blame myself when I relapse though.

 

How old were you when you started PMO?

 

Well, when I really started? Was, I’d say around 20. I PMO before that, like in middle school and stuff, did it kinda a lot, every weekend like 2-3 time, then stopped in high school, like once a month or so, then infrequently then around 20 year old I picked up the habit

 

When you first started you were around the age of 12. Is a 12 year old's responsibility to be completely independent and capable of full moral logic and future consequences of his or her actions? Of course not. The male brain doesn't finish developing until his mid twenties. In particular, the part of the brain that can determine long-term consequences.

Who's responsibility is it to protect their 12 year old son from damaging exposure to pornography, evil people, drugs, malnourishment, etc?

You hopefully had at least one parent that raised you and their job was to train you to be ready for success in adult life. As far as I can tell, as did my parents, your parents failed to protect you from a very damaging habit. And for me to sit there and nod my head at your self-blame would be unthinkable and disrespectful to your childhood self.

Blaming yourself for this is a bit like being completely obese as a young child and then blaming yourself for eating too much as an adult. Are you kidding? Who's responsibility is it to train you to be healthy? If mom and dad loaded you up on McDonald's for 18 years and you get heart disease at 25, I would seriously suggest reconsidering blaming yourself.

Likewise if your parents left you on your own, exposed you to bad "friends" and other people, were emotionally distant enough to the point of not even being able to tell that you had changed, and were so untrusted in your eyes that you couldn't talk to them about this, how can you reasonably blame yourself?

I have a bit too much respect for you has a human being to let you blame yourself for the wrongs that others did to you. It took me a while to realize this about myself, but it was very worth it. I don't set myself back nearly as often with self-blame and I think you can do the same.

Check this book out: http://cdn.media.freedomainradio.co...yranny_of_Illusion_by_Stefan_Molyneux_PDF.pdf

 

aaaaah flat line sucks I feel groggy all the time DDDD: