Hi all I am a 50 year old guy living in the UK and am on my second attempt to rid myself of my sex addiction via Nofap. The first time I lasted 19 days. For me, my addiction to porn, and associated destructive sexual behaviour has spanned over 30 years and led to relationship breakdowns, anxiety and depression. My addiction to porn / masturbation led to compulsive internet dating and visiting prostitutes on a pretty regular basis. I have come to the conclusion that I need to break this cycle of behaviour by abstaining from PMO and prostitutes to hopefully reboot my brain into a more healthy way of being. Over the years I have lost the love of life, stopped taking pleasure from the simple things and my life has been one long quest for erotic fulfilment. I know this has gotta stop or I will never be content in the world. I'm wondering if there are many other guys on this site whose habits with porn have led to using prostitutes, a constant search for sex and general destructive sexual behaviour. For me, my addiction is far more than porn, it's the thin end of a very messy wedge which costs a lot in terms of physical and mental health, not to mention a deal of money. I find that reading other people's experiences on this site is helping me to rationalise my own. Any posts / replies / messages / encouragement much appreciated. Cheers
Prostitutes and porn share the attribute of being easy. No fuss, no muss, commitment free. The brain always looks for the easiest way to achieve goals. That's the trick the porn/prostitution devil plays on you. That and the little voice telling you that it's fine, it's all consensual, win/win for everyone concerned. It's not how we were designed though. We are provided with options nature never intended. Once you make the decision to stop and commit to it, after a while your brain will begin to operate as designed and you'll develop a normal interest in social pursuits. That's my free expert advice as someone who has no expertise whatsoever in the field I am talking about here.
Don't think visiting prostitute is the right solution because it's just more porn on demand, and possibly even more dangerous because you can get STDs
Yes, not suggesting prostitutes are a solution. Far from it. They are just one step on from porn. An addiction that porn has ultimately led to. I'm trying to quit porn, prostitutes and all destructive sexual behaviour.
Thanks for the honesty. Porn have led me to visit prostitutes too. I think the same as you. This isn't just a Porn Adicction is a Sex Complusive Behavior. We need to find enjoyment in another activities, because the porn programed our brain to look only for the easy pleasure. And that kind of pleasure isn't that good. There is always shame, too much craving, and if you relapse a lot of aversion and pain. Those kind of feelings are not good to the mind and soul, they drain our emotional energy, we are unnable to interact with other people or find enjoyment in the simple things of the life. I recommend you to try a meditation course like the Vipassana Meditation. It is a difficult and hard expierence but really worth it, and it helps a lot to fight this adicction. Here is the website. Look for a 10 day course near you: https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana
I'm in a sorta similar situation. Excessive dating and flirting...I'll be texting or flirting with anywhere from like 6-10 girls at a time because I've gotten so good at it. It's like there is this deep hole in me that I'm trying to fill up with these girls. I haven't been to a prostitute but spent money on porn sites/girls online....way more than I wish. Recently spent some on it and the guilt from it is eating me inside. This has led me to sitting here loathing myself. String of ruined relationships with people, anxiety and now an STD. I want to stop. I want to be free of this. I hope we can beat this my man, but you arent alone
Hey man my story is very similar to yours. I’m 45 and the prostitute thing is a bad one. I found my way to this site 48 days ago and have been no PPMO since (extra P intentional). My biggest recommendation is to take this seriously, like your life depends on it. But even more than this start visualizing what your life can be life AFTER you succeed here. It is SO vitally important to be excited about what feeling free from this enemy can mean for you. I spend all my time thinking about the benefits. This helps a LOT. Take the NoFap Academy course. Take it seriously - have this become your religion for the next 90 days. Get an accountability partner. Get several if you need. Know that you CAN succeed. I am at 48 days and starting to have wondrous benefits. But I’ve had to face the pull, the demon, at its strongest too. But I’ve won several battles and can feel incredible momentum. GO for it man!!!!
I'm in the same boat. About 12 years ago I was going through a breakup and using a lot of porn and for some reason wanted to see a real girl to snap me out of it. I wish I never got that ball rolling. I managed to stop prostitutes for a year or two, but picked it up again and it's been habit. The whole ritual of looking and scrolling takes up so much time and then dealing with the fallout, trouble, covering my tracks, hiding my secret, etc. takes an enormous amount of energy. If I don't stop, I will lose a lot too. I know for sure. This stuff is powerful. Some advice I'm reading on here that makes sense is the mindfulness approach. Cleaning your thoughts as they come up and making habit of strengthening your mind. In the past, I have tried to stop acting, but it's not enough, I have to stop intriguing, fantasizing, remembering old encounters, obsessing, fulfilling the gaps in boredom.
I think it's a general rule of thumb that once one wants to quit PMO by cutting of porn and masturbation the brain will eventually start looking for whatever kind of replacement it can get. It might be twerk videos, music videos with nudity, dating sites, drugs, prostitutes or whatever gets your brain that dopamine kick and satisfies that "auto-pilot"-mode the brain gets in. It's important to recognize those patterns and proactively avoid these situations. During my NoFap journey, I had the bad habits of checking dating sites or looking up prostitutes online and sometimes even contact them, even though I didn't plan to book them anyway. It just gave me some kind of pleasure, I guess. It's that thing my brain wanted, because there wasn't porn available. I of course cut that off too but it's important to see that pattern in the first place.
I recommend the book: breaking the cycle. It is really helpful. If someone need it I can share it. Just leave me a message
You are having sex with an actual woman when you see an escort. Yet don’t recommend as many will enjoy the chase because there is a constant flow and variety of women. You are always looking for a new girl or even worse fall in love with one. My last foray was in third week of July 2017. Put it simply I got it out of my system got sick of looking for escorts and moved on. Helped me immensely in NoFap as porn does not compared to the slightest but given how some STDs are becoming drug resistant it was a stupid idea looking back.