Thinking about looking for hookups (tinder, bars, etc)

So hear me out. I have pied bc I used to much porn and my brain wired itself to only get aroused by porn. Now I haven't watched porn for a while, I don't have as much flashbacks/lust for porn as I did.

So if I desensitized and weakened these wires, I need to replace them with positive real life sexual encounters, or else where is it going? I can tell I'm already getting more into my old ways of normal attraction to girls.

EX: When I saw girls in the street before, I would fantasize about doing pornographic things w them related to fetishes, BUT NOW I find more beauty in them. I still want to have sex w them but now I actually like and have a mutual respect for them. I would like them to be sexually pleased as well. Basically they're more beautiful to me. My favorite thing is making them laugh / have a good time around me. Idk if that makes sense.

But my wiring in my brain needs to rewire itself to a more sexual experience or else it would only wire itself to a non-porn sexual fantasy that I think of bc of loneliness and lack of a partner.

Ideally I would find a lady that I trust enough and like, but I presume that won't happen for a while, so hookups would have to be my rewiring.

make sense?

 

I'm thinking bars bc I'm about to turn 21 and I can go to a bar and talk to girls. While tinder is more of a match and then straight fuck, you know?

A bar I can at the least have more communication and learn how to better converse with young ladies, more than I already know how to (which is pretty decent)

 

I am not sure how much I buy that "need to rewire and replace old wiring with new positive wiring" thing. Pseudoscience psychobabble. If you have a rusty car you don't have to replace the rust with some better rust. You just need to get the old rust out. The same way all we need to do is get that old porn wiring out. There is no need to replace old wiring with some new wiring. Our normal wiring is already there, just covered by garbage. But that's just me, I might be wrong...

That being said, I get that some of us need sexual release. And I don't subscribe to that "sex is supposed to be only for loving committed relationship" nonsense. Sex is what you make of it. Nothing wrong with some meaningless casual hookups for fun. Better than doing it with your own hand and pixels in my book.

 

I personally would challenge this thinking. It might even be beneficial to visit an SA meeting or talk with some of the guys here who've found that replacing a pmo addiction with a sex addiction is not the solution. Do you "need" these new sexual experiences? If so then why? What possible necessity do they fill?

 

No I didn't say I "need" this sexual release. I haven't ejaculated/edged or looked at porn since early December and it's not this compulsive need like PMO was. My goal has always been to get rid of my pied.

Here's the problem w what you're saying. You're making an assumption that I'm horny and just want to have sex and compulsory indulge in that temporary happiness.

I'm not. I'm trying to fix my pied after years of abuse. Even in my post I said ideally I would meet a young lady I trust enough to share a personal/emotional connection with.

We watched porn, as a nofap community, and over did it. Then it became a habit and then eventually an addiction. Now does that mean porn in nature is harmful? Not necessarily. Now, like anything , when you do too much of it and depend on it it becomes a problem.

Although i appreciate all feedback, you say I should maybe attend a SA meeting is imo a little irrational. I believe I made it clear in my post that I'm not trying to replace addictions, but the wire my brain back. Which @The Serpent of Fire made a good idea that the wiring is already there just covered. Which would make sense due to me saying I've already been falling back in line.

If somebody goes to a bar and has a beer after work, would you say hey man I think you might want to attend a AA meeting to learn the dangers of alcohol abuse. I wouldnt.

Its not a bad idea but at the same time nothing becomes a problem until you make it a problem. This goes for drugs, alc, porn, sex, etc. Even running. A large amount of pepole are addicted to running even to the point where it endangers their health.

 

Glad you're not looking to replace addictions. I know no one intends to replace an addiction with another addiction. It's more that we have addictive personalities which make us more susceptible to addiction. While it's your intention to find a girl to connect with and have a relationship with, you also mentioned that if that doesn't happen then you're ok with rewiring yourself with hooks-ups. That sounds like an addictive personality.

Also your analogy about the bar and visiting AA and how that would be irrational would be true IF you didn't have a history of addiction. However you do have a history, so this would be more like you saying "hey guys I used to have a problem drinking solo but now I'm going try and establish social connections by going to a bar, ideally a classy bar but if I have to I will go to a dive bar as well" which is where any rational person would see the possible problems that could arise from that and advise the person to watch their step.

 

I do know. In my pmo days I only looked at women as objects to achieve my sexual pleasure from. Now I dont. I now do have sexual fantasies w real life women but it's respectful, nonpornographic, and mutually pleasing her and her to me, focusing on her mainly.

But these are fantasies (not fantasies where i get aroused like porn, just thoughts), I would rather start making sexual connections w real women. So when I meet somebody special, this pied problem will be gone. Most people have sex before getting into a relationship to see if they're sexually compatible.

If I meet somebody at the bar to start a relationship, that would be the best possible outcome. I just have to trust/like them. I've thrown myself in relationships just to be in one and it was a disaster.

So Im not saying to use women for my problem to go away. I am and im not. Im saying to start meeting women basically. If sex comes, it comes. Its also from their side too, if we like eachother enough and want to continue the relationship then i would.

you see?

I just need to bring out my old sexual senses again and possibly get into a relationship. And that wont happen with me justn chilling by myself or just male friends. At least going to a bar or somewhere a concert and flirting/talking to girls. It's sd, but that's our cultuire now. Espicially for young adults (20-30)

 

Thanks for the positivity my dude