A big +1 to Snowwhite's post above. You can turn things around BUT you have to want it enough!! I also have been turning things around over the past couple of years going from a loner to being more sociable. It is hard work at first, it will take you out of your comfort zone, but the rewards will come!
Yes, this is a really right and a good saying! It works indeed this way: First you leave your comfort zone - for example, you decide to speak in public. Or you decide to organize a party with some friends. That alone might cause you stress, and your body will fight against it. But soon, you will adapt to it. Next time, you are much more relaxed and eventually, such things become totally natural to you. And that's the moment where you gain. At this stage, you have the feeling "I made a step forward" And in fact, our brain is a super computer, it's made for learning, and it loves to learn. It deteriorates when it is doing always the same numbing stuff.
Ty for tip ..I heard on a podcast to a good effective technique is visualization . They said take your problem and visualize your at a train station ..then imagine your problem either on the train or picture yourself taking it on a train ..for example Ive been using my phone a little to much lately for pornhub and trying to find random hookups on social media ..right now I'm picturing myself taking the phone and putting it on a seat ...now I'm standing outside on the platform watching the train pull away . It actually is a good technique and really helps.
I will make a distinction here between cravings for P-induced imagery and wanting to look at P and MO to it. With the latter, conscious cravings to go back to internet P stopped somewhere around the 100-day mark for me (in case you're wondering, this was an earlier reboot, I'm rebooting for different reasons now). Since then I haven't felt a pull on my being to go back there. When I'm speaking about cravings, I don't mean things that are passing thoughts, I'm talking about urges that build to a point where you think you could die if you don't go and do something about it. For me, getting to that point and experiencing that repeatedly and not having it happen were key in getting past that place. I developed other daily habits and routines that were far outside of PMO and they became second hand nature. However I think everyone is correct here, it never fully goes away, so I remain suspicious of stating that 'I'm cured of watching P' or even 'I'm cured of M-ing'. Old habits die very hard and its best to be respectful of that for the rest of ones life. Though I've quit P fully, what I find stays with me is the imagery. Every time I find myself fantasizing, my fantasies take on the style and tone of a P-video or image. That's where I'm at right now. Good question, thank you for asking.
That is it.. It would never go away even after years of monk mode.. no one can override DNA in body. We have to direct craving on actual human connections. I saw this post with 5600 views and only 23 replies.. come on guys we have to digest bitter truth.
The initial post and ALL the responses are incredibly compassionate and understanding. Thanks all you guys (and gals) out there working on recovery and sharing your tales and thoughts. The thing I realized is that the urges to PM are not sexually driven, at least not at this stage of my addiction. So, my long term goal is no PMO until I figure out and learn 1) healthy responses to the triggers behind the urges, and 2) a healthy sexual relationship with my spouse. Recovery means reprogramming or rewiring my behavior to align with my moral desires. The crazy making is not that we have sexual urges (duh! we're human!), but that we "think" porn is the answer to those urges. Time and again I read postings of folks who are depressed, lonely, or bored, folks who lack self-confidence, or folks who have other addictions. The root cause of acting out is not sexual, but psychological and physiological; we want to feel something different, PMO seems to give that temporary relief, so we act out, only to complete the circle back to where we started after the rush passes away. Could it be the urge feels like crap because we fighting it? What is that expression from 12-step about surrendering? I always struggled with understanding what it means to "surrender" because is seems like giving in to the urge. The only way I have come to terms with the act of surrendering is to not fight the urge (i.e., surrender), and sit with it until it goes away (WAY easier to say or write than do!). And the reality of sitting with the urge means having a set of tools or tricks or actions I can fall to that put me physically in a space where I cannot act on the urge until it passes. Does all this make sense to anyone?
I think I know what you're saying and I would agree with it. As to tools and tricks, what I thought of when I was in the throes was people like my dad or oddly enough, Wilford Brimley. I needed to remind myself that other people don't do this and they live completely normal lives. There's a quote by Samuel Johnson that I really like on this topic: Talking of a man's resolving to deny himself the use of wine, from moral and religious considerations, he said, "He must not doubt about it. When one doubts as to pleasure , we know what will be the conclusion (emphasis mine). I now no more think of drinking wine, than a horse does. The wine upon the table is no more for me, than for the dog that is under the table. Boswell: Life I like this because he's saying we must remove doubt from the equation. We go back to PMO-ing because we think its our connection and we miss the pleasure and ease it gives us. We may have all the resolve in the world, but if we let ourselves doubt that we are missing the pleasure, we will fall back. Not doubting that this habit is no longer good for us, I suppose, is a way of surrendering to something better. I hope this makes sense. This is something that needs to continually reinforced because our society says pretty much the opposite of everything we read here. We can't rely on them, we must find the path through our Higher Power and ourselves.
