My name is Jason, and I've been clean for one year. Until a year ago, I had a lifetime of addiction to porn and masturbation, but I had a life-changing experience that put all that behind me. I'm married with six children and have the best, most loving, most understanding, most self-sacrificing wife a man could ask for. I am 39 years old at the time of this post. I hope to be able to help people out here, if I can. Best to all of you, and stay strong, my brothers! EDIT: Just want to clarify -- there's nothing wrong with O if you're married. I'm married, so O is all good for me. It's the P and M that I'll not be doing anymore.
Wow, impressive, I can't even imagine a month PMO free. I'm on day 4 and feel like I'm gonna explode.
I just did the math to your counter. I hope you have the best journey during that time sir. Thank you for sharing and welcome!
How long have you been addicted ? What do you think: Does a person, who was addicted to PMO for a long time, deserves to find a wife ? I'm addicted for a 15 years and I lost a hope. Now I'm trying to stop PMO life but I think it's too late. Too much wrong things happened because of my addiction. All the best
Catholic100 take it from another religious person, you stand very little chance of success wallowing in guilt and self loathing. What is done is done. you can't go back and undo 15 years. What you could do is move on. Of course you have to reconcile your actions with your beliefs. (If you would like to get tips on how to do this please message me). But I think you will have a lot more success in your journey if you stop asking "do I deserve a wife" and start asking "am I ready to have a real relationship with this addiction" Again. I have spent years dealing with the guilt of my actions based on my belief system. For tips on how to move on please message me privately.
Johnadams just nailed it. If you've repented of your sins and are resolved to sin no more, then put your guilt behind you and try to form a real relationship with a woman. But do not dally! If you find a woman you want to marry, ask her. So many years have already been wasted; waste no more! As for me, I married when I was 22 and have been married for 16 years. I wasn't able to kick my PM habit until last year, but my wife was there helping me every step of the way through silent prayer and perseverance. I couldn't have done it alone! She is the best wife and an amazing, devout Catholic woman with a strong devotion to the Crucified Christ, to Our Lady, and to St. Joseph.
Jason, I was going to ask if your wife knew about your struggle. It's good to hear that she was aware, and was able to help you on your journey through prayer and support. I've got to ask, what was her first response when you told her? How did her knowing ultimately effect your struggle against porn? Both myself and one of my best friends both were struggling with PMO about three years ago (I still struggle, unfortunately). My buddy was in a serious relationship and was considering marriage, but found it to be very important to tell his girlfriend about his struggle on his terms. I was blown away by the amount of hurt it caused her to find out that he used porn, especially from a self image point of view ("are you not attracted to me" type conversations), yet thankfully this was ultimately the act that was able to save him from his addiction. It was powerful for me to see how deeply this struggle impacted his girlfriend. I think we as men often times get caught up in the argument that porn is normal and justifiable, yet it was very important for me to see it from a female perspective. It is not normal, nor was it planned for us. It is a destructive habit that ultimately defiles our view of women! When we take off our shades and see "women" not as an arbitrary group, but rather as individuals that we love, it really can shake you to the core. My friend got engaged later that year, and has now been married for almost two! I hope to eventually be able to join the marriage train, but for now I need to kick PMO.
When I first told her about my porn use, I didn't consider it an addiction or a problem (denial!). Her response? She didn't actually say much, because she knew it wouldn't help. I've asked her, however, what her internal response was, and it was: she was saddened about it, but it didn't affect her love for me in any way. So if she were willing to marry me, she had to marry me without any internal reservation that she required me to have to change. She wanted me to change, of course, for my own sake and well as hers, but marriage has no caveats. Her knowing about my problem meant that she got to praying for me. It took 16 years of hardcore day-in and day-out prayer to fix me. And I didn't learn about all that she was doing for me behind the scenes until last year! What a woman she is! How lovely, loving, sacrificial, and helpful! How beautiful and wise! I believe that prayer is stronger than anything one can actually do...actually, I consider prayer the work of Heaven, so it is, after a fashion, DOing something, indeed. As Tennyson wrote, "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of." Yes, my wife says that when men use porn, it makes women feel hideous and worthless. She, like many women, would think, "Hey, I'm right here. Why don't you want to have sex with me? I guess you want those fake girls more." Let me be clear: my wife and I had a fine sex life before I quit PM, but now that I've quit, our sex life is so good it's beyond description. Indeed. It's typical addict rationalization, isn't it? I used to do it all the time, and when I think about my old self, I'm ashamed. Right on! I hoping for the best for you, man, and remember that you have support right here. I'm kind of a hard-ass, but I hope we can get along. I'm really hard on myself, too, because I know that I, being a child of God, can swagger with the best of them! You can, too! Peace, my brother.
Thanks for the reply Jason! Great to hear about all you and your wife have been able to accomplish through God. A year is a long time to go without porn for someone who has struggled. I hope I can learn from your experiences.
I'm here to help, Idelmar. I am successful not because of myself, though; I got a good woman to help me! That's the best advice I can give: get a good woman to help!
Thank you Jason for reply about my question. I started to do my best. It's going to be the best month in this year for me in NoFap issue. I relapsed today after 7 days of NoFap because my body needed it. It was a very strong desire. Now I know that the more time without PMO, the more relaxing orgasm is. I know that I have to remember it. It's my second 7 days-NoFap time this month. Earlier my record was 3or4 days of NoFap. Maybe next month my record will be 10 days or more ? I can't NoFap once forever. It's too difficult for me right now but I try to do my best. Can you give me some advice ?
Your ultimate goal should be to never masturbate again, but that takes confession, prayer, grace, and perseverance. I recommend putting an icon of Our Lady on your computer, a phone strap of Our Lady on your smartphone, and wearing a bracelet Rosary on the wrist of the hand you masturbate with. Remember, Mary is your mother, as she is mother to all! You wouldn't masturbate with your mom in the room, so why would you do it with Our Lady watching?
Thanks for advice I thought that I am a devil and the hell is waiting for me. I have confessed today and I feel messed up, totally broke down. It's going to be a great effort to get rid of this horrifying habit. Could you write me,on private, how to get guilt off my chest ? I will be grateful
Catholic100 guilt is a weapon that the devil uses. He tries to make sure that you feel so down about your guilt that you think you are a sinner and therefore not worthy of the creators love. That's how he gets you to continue sinning. In reality though, god knows that we are human with human urges. Sometimes it's not about committing or not commiting a sin. But rather about the struggle. Forgiveness is a gift for people that laps. If we are supposed to be born perfect without ever sinning why give us the chance to repent and be forgiven. Bottom line: if you fall, wallowing in guilt will only make you sin more. You need to pick yourself up and try again. I messed up after 5 days last week I am ready to start day 1 again. Guilt free.
