Did sex with wife/gf get boring?

Porn is what happened during the years in between. You would be surprised at how it can change the way your mind thinks and views women and sex in general. Thankfully, there is such thing as neuroplasticity. And you can change this.

Take care.

 

Read some of the articles on yourbrainonporn.com. It will help to make sense of this for you.

I love my wife; she's beautiful to me both inside and out. We've been married 15 years and she's the only woman I've been beyond first base with.

Sadly, but as is typical for most of us I would think here) porn warped my view of her and all real women. I'm here to fix that. Real women have their looks fade due to age, childbirth, health habits, etc. Even if she remained absolutely perfect though at base we're always gonna be attracted to the new girl just because she's different. A new opportunity for your genes to be passed on.

Porn is only about the physical. One comedian says something like when you've seen one woman nekid, you want to see the rest of them nekid. It's in our nature as men. (Which is why we must be born again as new creatures). When the other aspects of life and marriage aren't going so great, porn with its permenantly perky parts will always be sexy. It never nags, never criticizes, never bitches. It's omnipresent and immediately available at your fingertips in HD quality.

So yeah, how do wives/girlfriends even have a chance? For me, I realized my love for my wife and God means more than PMO ever could. That realization came due to increased spirituality on my part. So now that I'm working at getting better and have put off PMO for awhile, I am again finding her to be the most beautiful woman in the world, my one and only lover for life, and best friend.

 

Its all about the hit of dopamine. And novelty (i.e lots of wierd porn) gives us big hits of that. The wife's vagina can;t compete. Its not actually about the feeling of the vagina or hand, but the pleasure (dopamine) the brains gives us.

 

Great points mentioned above. I'll also point out that many guys masturbate with a "death grip" so over time the penis becomes desensitised. After that a woman's vagina can't compete with the extra pleasure men can give to themselves.

Add that to the constant novelty and stimulation from viewing over 10 different women having sex in an hour and you'll find sex with one real women seems very boring! Porn destroys relationships. It's sad.

 

Sex with my past partner got boring to me. I always wanted something new: a new position, a new level of dirty talk, some kind of new progression. I think porn taught me to expect and crave this novelty. But my partner didn't have that same need for novelty, or not at the same level, so yeah it was a major factor in the demise of our sexual relationship.

 

Yes I had porn induced ED and when I did get it up it could take a long time to climax so I just give up on sex. I wasn't getting what I wanted in the bedroom because of the bar set by porn, my brain expects those sort of sex acts but in reality its obviously not always possible depending on your partner of course.

This past week I have felt a lot of grief because I'm not happy with my sex life and now I have stopped looking at porn I'm feeling it 10x.

I need to rewire my brain into accepting normal sexual relationship and not a porn star one.

 

Sex with my wife did get boring. We've been together for over 20 years so it is natural that we don't have sex quite as often when we met but due to the amount of PMO I just didn't get very much out of it. That made P so much more interesting which in turn made sex with my wife even less interesting which made me even more interested in P...

I had serious problems trying to O or even keeping hard with her. After starting my nofap journey I've found that I can O with her and I don't need all the extra stimulation. So at least I have been able to regain interest and excitement in our vanilla sex life.

 

Just my experience here, about actual sex when compared to PMO:

Real sex with a woman to whom I am very attracted and with whom I have a heart connection and who has sexual skill or at least beauty and interest to match mine. . .truly amazing and blows porn right out of the water!

Second rate sex (with a less than attractive and/or enthusiastic woman). . .PMO is often way better than this.

Here's the key: be with the right woman FOR YOU sexually AND stop PMO.

That has been my key to some of the greatest sex I've ever had.

Okay, and years of tantric solo practice and the ability to orgasm without ejaculation helps too.

There are no two ways about it: good porn with skillful masturbation is way better than sex with a woman who is not a good partner for me.

BUT, the right partner with some honest to goodness skill, fun, beauty, playfulness-and willingness to practice-is so much better than porn that it is truly beyond even the realm of imagination for most people.

I have had sex with 69 women in my life and fooled around with many more. Also, I did actually make some porn and act as male talent in it for a short while during the mid 2000s. From that, I can tell you that some of the women you are watching in porn ARE IN FACT TRULY GREAT LOVERS. And that does make an enormous difference.

Now, if you have lost all of your natural sensitivity as a man, even the most sexually talented woman in the world is not going to turn you on. . .so you must stop PMO and get back your natural turn on as a man.

THEN, make a strong effort to connect with truly high quality, sexually creative potential lovers and find out what REAL pleasure is like.

Having enough really amazing sex actually does make the general shallowness of PMO seem pretty weak by comparison.

The ability to connect intimately with another human being is about so much more than sex however. This is NEVER something that one can expect to learn without opening one's heart and actually making a concerted (lifelong) effort to experience physical, spiritual and soulful union with another human being.

There are simply no words to describe how good it can feel to be intimate with a woman when everything about it is just working!

Now. . .here's a huge challenge for me, but one I find worthy right now: to learn to enjoy my own celibate, chaste, sexually energized state without PMO (and also without sex, obviously).

This has taught me things that I could not have learned any other way. And I am also aware that it is hard to find it again once I return to PMO. . .

Thank you.

 

I agree with you Nathaniel: it's a matter of finding the right person, and enthusiasm is key. Sex with an unenthusiastic partner is worse than just about anything else! I would rather read a good book and go to sleep, or clean my apartment.

However, you can also have a great relationship with someone even if the sex is boring, because sex is just a small, unnecessary part of life. So if you're not that into sex, who cares? Just quit PMOing and forget about it. There's nothing wrong with you.

 

Well said.

There are 2 factors contributing to the lost of interest in sex:
1) Regular porn and M.
2) Living, sleeping, eating etc. with the partner all the time.

It's like with cheescake(providing that you liked it once):
1) If you are regularly eating plenty of chocolate you stop liking cheescake because you don't need it.
2) If you eat cheescake daily its taste becomes common and boring.

 

Yeah, it's all about novelty. I love my girlfriend and we have good sex, but even if we had sex the night before I would still masturbate to porn the next morning after she went to work. And overall, I was less in the mood for sex than her (maybe once a week at most) because of my porn and masturbation. Now that I've been PMO free for 10 days, I'm more in the mood, in what seems to be a healthy way. I still crave novelty though. As I wrote in another post, I usually fantasize about other women when I have sex with my girlfriend. I'd like to change that, but I haven't yet. I see that as the next step for me.

Also, when a partner is new, it's exciting and I don't need to fantasize about others. It's only when I got used to my girlfriend and the novelty wore off, that I started fantasizing.

Side note: for me, whether I've been in a relationship or not, whether I've been getting laid or not, has never had any impact on my porn/masturbation habits. For me, they're two different things, almost unrelated. I could get laid and still masturbate to porn a few hours later... maybe the addiction goes away for some people when they start getting laid regularly, but that's never been the case for me. That's another way I know it's an addiction and not just a consequence of not getting laid.

 

I never lost the urge either, regardless of when I last got laid. In fact, the last time I got laid, I convinced myself afterward that it would be okay to masturbate, because I'd gotten laid that day, and binged hard. Thankfully without porn, but still set myself back after a 5 day streak. Not this time.

 

I'm afraid for people like me who suffered from chronic masturbation and have "death grip" (refer to nofap glossary if you dont know what this means) we have been 'brainwashed' by porn and constant fapping to prefer our hand over a v#gina; The tight warm hand could make me cum but a v#gina wouldn't which lead to me having ED (erectile dysfunction). Im on my road to recovery right now to overcome ED and have a normal sex life.

CW

 

For me, sex got boring with my gf because of PMO and death grip. Novelty is pretty hard to resist to, even though I deeply love my gf. P can desensitize so badly that even though we have great sex and my gf is always horny, I still tend to prefer P over sex.

 

Dont worry my friend! We can do this and one day you can once again enjoy having sex!
NEVER give up. Remember there are many people like you around the world.

CW The Prem

 

That's an awesome story. Good work partner!

 

26 years married and PMO destroyed our sex life. I had to even start going to harder core porn to orgasm. My wife wants sex but I can not perform. I am noticing some changes over time now and hope we will have good sex again.

 

Watched porn before I met wife and all during our relationship. Definitely ruined our sex life. She wanted it and I could not provide. After getting it out of my life I've never been more attracted to my wife and can't get enough of her.

 

Married 3 times. But started PMO at age 12 (1968). Been through a lot of relationships. No woman lasted very long as an interest of mine. Stayed in each marriage far beyond passion failure for sake of kids and commitment made, but realized recently that even pre-internet, I was very accomplished at dopamine edging. Old joke: "Show me the most beautiful women in the world...and I'll show you a guy that's tired of f****** her". Funny, but I realized the joke was on me, and the damage I caused to my partners, kids, and my own life was substituting dopamine addiction process for life and relationship. First post on nofap. Hope I can get free of this grey world of self created isolation and motivational suppression. Thanks for being here folks.