Hello I am a 16 year old male and I've been struggling with what I think is hocd in the past couple of weeks. I always thought I am straight and I never questioned my sexuality, whenever I went out I looked at girls and would talk to my friends about how hot or beautiful i would think the girls are and always had fantasies about having sex with them, i have always flirted with girls and ive been in one 3 month relationship with a girl but i broke up because of some bs. When i try to remember when i strayed off on porn or started watching porn that was not heterosexual it was a year or something ago when i was lonely and horny at everything, gay porn always disgusted me, and i never had feelings for other guys as i had with girls, i could give my friends pats on the back and have physical contact with them and not think anything about it, anyway i was browsing on a forum which i dont know if i can say here, random things are posted on it, and i was fapping 2 -4 times a day to content from that site, first i started with usual heterosexual content but as i discovered more on that site and as i got bored of the same genre, i started resorting to gay cartoons and such and i never gave thought to what i was using as long as it was sexual, the following year it had become a routine switching from girls to boys in my alone time and after i had finished to girls i never felt bad but when i finished to boys i usually did, but as i said i never gave it much thought because i thought it was just a fantasy or i had just been focusing on the part of the porn that got me off and not on the whole thing. Up until about 5 or 6 months ago i started getting major symptoms of anxiety unrelated to my sexuality and i diagnosed myself with generalized anxiety, but during these months i have been lonely since i dropped oit of school and i resorted to my usual content and routine, until i gave it thought and after a parent started asking when am i gonna get a girlfriend and i started doubting myself and asking myself if i am gay, whenever it pops up in my head it started upsetting me and giving me major anxiety attacks, i kept obsessing about it and started testing myself, i fit almost all symptoms of hocd and was sure i have it, but then i read some other articles and they said if you fantasize about sex with boys or masturbated to it you are gay. And now i dont know if i am in denial or i have hocd, or is it both, or is it just my loneliness and that watching gay content for so long made me into something i am not, now i cannot get excited to girls as i could a month ago and all i had on my mind was girls before, whenever the thought of fantasizing about gay pops up in my head i get a tingling sensation in my groin but i start feeling really bad about it since it further makes me think i am gay. All i have on my mind right now is a haze and a clouded feeling, which i think is due to my anxiety which i got out of nowhere just a couple of months ago. I know this is not an ocd forum but it relates to my problem, i think it does. I tried nofap for a week and i thought i was doing better i was out more but then i felt ok im just trying to distract myself am i really gay i dont want to be gay but then again am i just in denial because all my life i thought being gay is bad?? Its like this whole new identity is just put on me and i dont like it, i pray to god for this to go away and i just want to return to how i was 1.5 years ago, anxiety free and not having to use gay content to mast..... Whenever i get reassurance that this is just hocd i then ask myself ok but i mastur.... to boy and girl content for over a year, and i didnt obsess about it like i do now, so that makes me just be in denial?? I have thought of just ending it all so that i cannot suffer like this anymore, im scared to talk to anyone about my anxiety or my feelings because they wont understand my situation, i just want somebody to tell me you are straight man and just like that get back to my old happy life but i fear that wont happen and that im losing my mind and all of my previous identity, i feel so lost and sad. I am currently on a week of Nofap but i tried to F to some girl images but i just cant get really hard like i used to, i cant eat anything im stressed too much, please i need someone to tell me is this a phase and i will return to being straight, is it a weird porn addiction combined with anxiety or am i really just gay and in denial Sorry for the really long post but i beg for help. Thanks in advance
Thank you man, i dont know how long this reassurance will last but i will try to keep myself occupied with other things, also ive read that these bonds in our brain that are created when fantasizing for too long, it says that they can be rewired and i will return to normal, but it also said that younger people who are developing could have a harder time rebooting or going back to normal, do you think that i still have a chance since im still developing and a reboot could get things to normal again? Thank you in advance again.
@Mikeshark341 we literally have new users coming here and posting this EVERY DAY... i just posted this: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/hocd-or-am-i-in-hiding.160071/#post-1347634 https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable researchers have shown that mammals can be conditioned (and sometimes reconditioned) to adjust their sexual response with surprising ease. Even humans have managed to increase or suppress penile erection or vaginal pulse in the lab when offered monetary reinforcement and/or instructional feedback. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/straight-men-gay-porn-and-other-brain-map-mysteries porn users sometimes notice that as tolerance builds for their earlier tastes, they move in new directions in their search for intense arousal. Instead of seeking porn that accords with their former brain maps, many seek out what shocks them—perhaps because "forbidden" and "fear-producing," when combined with sexual arousal, offer a bigger brain chemical kick...at least for a time. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch Read the yourbrainonporn links and do a search for HOCD in the forums here and you'll see how common your problem is - its very common to also escalate from transwomen to femdom to ssissy/ to gay - The good news: it's not easy but a clean 90 day reboot WITH NO FANTASIZING, EDGING OR PSUBs, usually resets things.
Hey man, please dont worry too much about it. I think human sexuality is a pretty complex subject.. and its not so easily defined I would think. The only advice I can give you, is just to not focus too much on the lust part (whether male or female..), but focus on good stuff, life goals, personal growth etc. Whatever feelings are there, dont worry too much about it, just focus on the right things one ought to be doing , that's what I would do.. because in the end lust is only lust, which might have many reasons (maybe because of some emotions or something), while real companionship, love etc. are so much more important in the end I would think. It's great you're doing nofap man, i think also after a reboot it may give you more clarity. 2 youtubers who really helped me are Infinite Waters, a real interesting concept of the power of self love. And also Gabriel Kalei, he talks a lot about nofap, I learned a lot from both of them. All the best dude!!!
Hi Mike, it sounds like you are afraid of homosexual feelings you are having. Guys with HOCD don't have sexual fantasies about men. They are usually repulsed by homosexuality, but are obsessed that the way they behave (walk, talk, etc.) is somehow not masculine enough, so that others might imagine they are gay. So they obsessively observe and control their behavior to prevent any doubt that they are gay. Many guys have true homosexual attractions (I, for example), but many are in denial and try to fit themselves into the HOCD disorder. Don't do that! I know how scary it is to discover we have homosexual feelings, because it is still not totally accepted by society. Like you, I was only attracted to women in the beginning and a naked guy wouldn't even get my attention, let alone turn me on. When I started feeling attracted to men as well when I was around 14, I was terrified, I hated myself, I was deeply unhappy and, like you, I just wanted it to go away. It did not come from watching gay porn - there was no porn at the time for me to watch. I have hated myself and fought a losing battle against my gay side for 35 years now. For most of that time I've been anxious and depressed. Don't make the same mistake I did! I am now starting to heal because I have stopped lying to myself and started accepting that I am acceptable, valuable and worthy of love exactly how I am, with the homosexual side that I never chose or asked for. If you started looking at gay porn in the first place and it interested you enough to go back for more, then you are not 100% straight. But, hardly any human being is! Go and take a look at the Kinsey reports and you'll see that most people feel some amount of attraction for the same sex. So you are probably not 100% gay either. You are just you. And you are 100% acceptable, valuable and worthy of love exactly how you are, with your attractions for girls and with your attractions for boys. I have a son your age and I wouldn't love him the tiniest bit less if he brought a boyfriend home and told me he was gay - I love him more than anything in the world and my love doesn't depend in the least on whether he is straight, gay or in between. And I have told him this exactly. Just accept yourself and learn to love yourself - you are perfect just as you are.
Fantasies can come from many sources and be symbolic - and frequently not be in tune with our sexual tastes, please see the yourbrainonporn links about sexual malleability. Lastly Kinsey is outdated, ideologically political driven and he himself is a classic example of escalation of sexually perverted behavior. would you say that to someone who started looking at kiddie porn or beastility? well it's just natural?
That is a very opinionated post, which as a life scientist I definitely cannot agree with. "Kinsey's sexually perverted behavior" ... that is very judgmental! Who defines what is perverted? Religion? And comparing homosexuality with pedophilia and bestiality is just sad.
Man i dont think you are gay, just that you adquired some kink with gay porn. Maybe your biological system won't respond with men in real life, and that's what characterizes a gay/bi man, the biological sexual response with other men and the fact that he can fall in love with em. What i think he's trying to say is that people may adquire some kinks that are not within their normal biological range of sexuality. Like str8 men getting curious for gay sex
In my case i started feeling gay attraction when i was a prepubescent kid going to school for first time... Not with porn
you just made a judgement about homosexuality - that it is not to be compared with pedophilia, therefore, it is implied that pedophilia and bestiality is bad. So who are you to judge? What an idiotic thing to say. Open a dictionary and look up the word perversion, figure it out. Meanwhile here's some help: Kinsey solicited and encouraged pedophiles, at home and abroad, to sexually violate from 317 to 2,035 infants and children for his alleged data on normal “child sexuality.” Many of the crimes against children (oral and anal sodomy, genital intercourse and manual abuse) committed for Kinsey’s research are quantified in his own graphs and charts. For example, “Table 34” on page 180 of Kinsey’s “Sexual Behavior in the Human Male” claims to be a “scientific” record of “multiple orgasm in pre-adolescent males.” Here, infants as young as five months were timed with a stopwatch for “orgasm” by Kinsey’s “technically trained” aides, with one four-year-old tested 24 consecutive hours for an alleged 26 “orgasms.” Sex educators, pedophiles and their advocates commonly quote these child “data” to prove children’s need for homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual satisfaction via “safe-sex” education. These data are also regularly used to “prove” children are sexual from birth. http://www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/2014/08/alfred_kinsey_w.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey#Controversial_aspects but hey man, who are we to judge? You refuted nothing of what I said, the only thing you have demonstrated ignorance and poor reading comprehension. . You sound like some tired aging hippie mouthing the stupid cliches that got our society in the mess that it is in "hey man don't judge'
So you disagree that sexual fantasies cannot be symbolic? or that many other desires and needs can become twisted into sex. A classic example is BSDM almost all of whom had some painful medical procedure as a child. What about those children who were sadly molested and become molestors themselves and/or seek for example 'gay' behavior because it was male who molested them. Would you just say 'hey man' that's your thing just do it?" As so typical with the close minded who maintain a veneer of 'not being judgemental' you didn't even bother to look at the information @ yourbrainonporn which I referenced, which is backed by research.
Ok, lets lose the civilized manners here because you have lost it calling the man opinion's "idiotic" and closed minded. The guy didn't care sh*t about kinsey, he didnt even know the guy. He got upset because you called him abnormal, to his face, while you compared him with pedophiles and bestialists. And you might say that you weren't talking about him but about the condition of homosexuality in general, but BOOHOO! when you call homosexuality "abnormal" you call us all "abnormal". I don't know if you are religious, or scientific or just a plain homophobic, and i don't care. You have taken this to a personal terrain. I felt offended too but i tried to keep my cool. Now, shut up before you f*ck it up again
calling homosexuality abnormal makes one homophobic? it is, by definition, abnormal. Neither you nor him are reading what I said. The point is that you wouldn't say to someone who watched bestiality or child porn 'Hey its just you, accept i" you would try, I hope to encourage them to cure themselves of it. In the same way IF this OP does not want to pursue or identify homosexual or perhaps, just perhaps there is another reason for these fantasies than it is irresponsible and just plain wrong to tell him to just take it lying down. Would you tell an alcoholic that's its just in their nature? What if the guy doesn't want these fantasies or feelings - I believe, based on newer research and the testaments of many people here that he can be rid of them, I also think that if someone is naturally attracted to women in real life and has these fantasies then the reason might be some other unmet need that is not related to homosexuality. (A detached father figure for example) To say 'don't be judgemental' while judging me for judging is idiotic. What should I call it, smart?
Maybe it makes you a "close minded" guy. We are not messing with anyone's lives and we are adults having adult relationships with adults. Messing with what an adult does with their own life without breaking the law is the definition of "nosey" You can call it an "inconsistency". Call it "idiotic" is a personal insult. learn civilized manners first before writing stuff
It is abnormal in the sense that it does not fulfill the purpose of sexual desire, which is procreation. How does that make me 'close minded'? there are lots of people who do judge it as immoral but how is that any different from someone who says that its immoral to have 'racist' beliefs or that it's immoral to have, beliefs that think homosexuality is immoral? How does that make someone close minded?
in the decade of 1970's the American board of psychiatry dismissed the idea of being gay as a mental illness
and in another thirty years they may reverse themselves again (i know that would be narrow minded) . You know very well that your response has nothing to do with what I posted; the function of sex drive is procreation the 'normal' use of it is procreate and pair bond procreating couples.
