Married and watching gay porn - advice?

PMO can do weird things to your brain. In this forum you'll find a lot of people who started watching the weirdest kind of porn because of their PMO addiction. Because you overdo it, your brain keeps looking for new and stronger stimuli.

I assume you are not gay or bi, you just watch gay porn? If you want to stop this and return to having great and intimate sex with your wife, then you need to stop watching anything that stimulates you sexually for at least 90 days. Inform yourself on what is going on in your brain. Read this forum and the other information on this website. Google the website 'your brain on porn'.

Get your wife involved, tell her what you're doing. Don't tell her about the gay porn, just say you lost yourself in porn and want to give this up so you can improve your relationship and have great sex again.

It might seem hard or impossible in the beginning, but you can do this.

Good luck!

 

Go through one of the no PMO challenges on this site, get an accountability partner, and maybe look into Karezza with your wife - if she's game. If you've never tried to confront the idea that you might have an addiction, now is probably a good time if you are looking around on this site and asking for advice. Admittting that problem really sucks - but it can also open doors to positive changes in your life. Don't worry about the fact that the porn you are watching is gay porn if deep down you really love your wife. Porn is porn. It fucks with your brain chemistry and does weird things to you that you don't really even perceive sometimes-you probably have an addiction if you are watching things that in RL are not appealing. Many people here have done this - looked at images that under normal circumstances would not be appealing to them.

The bigger picture is trying to stop using all porn and focus all of your sexual energy on your wife. If she is not cooperative, that could be a problem - but I think you might consider looking into the karezza stuff TOGETHER. If I could just get my wife to overcome her feelings of being hurt and betrayed and isolated by my addiction, that's what I'd do. I'm trying to be patient. Good luck to you bro.

 

I agree with you all that porn is nasty. We are all here to kick the habit. I've also heard and agree with the phenomenon of watching weirder and weirder porn.
I am gay. I was married and had two kids with my former wife. I loved her then and I love her still. We were a great team. But I grew up and had to accept that I was gay.
I don't want to confuse you but you asked for advice. So this goes out to all of you.
It's 2014. Marriage equality is growing all over the world. Being gay is no longer in the DSM.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. Sometimes guys don't figure this out until later in life.
So let me just say to everyone, it's disparaging to hear guys say that they are afraid they might be gay. Like there is something wrong with that. You don't have to be afraid of your same sex attractions or interest.
I'm only telling you this because it might save you some trouble along the way, if you consider that it's a possibility that you are discovering that you are gay.

 

@Dad When someone says that he's afraid that he might be gay, i don't think that means that person thinks there's something wrong with being gay. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to tell everyone you love that you're gay after being married and having had kids. I think people are more afraid of all the changes and the things other people will think of them. They don't mean to say that being gay is bad.

 

Great point napionder
But if I don't say what I said, and you don't reply with the awareness that you showed here, then people will go on fearing sexuality and its expressions.
There exists a gay militant put down for your stance, but I won't foist it on you because I can tell that you don't deserve it. And I'm not a gay militant.
This is all a conversation, not an argument. It's enlightenment, not shaming.

 

Barnyjay -

I struggle with this stuff too. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to look at dudes-only stuff than if there were girls in it too. And after a while, it worked just as well as anything else. I've wondered for years how much of my current struggles with SSA (same-sex attraction) is real, and how much is just habit from too much (ANY!) PMO to that stuff. Even went through a couple phase where I struggled to figure out whether I'm gay or straight.

I figure, now, that it's all about the re-wiring. If you get off to pictures of guys, you'll wire your brain to associate guys = pleasure. If you get off to pictures of mountains, you'll eventually train yourself to get wood every time you see a picture of Mt. Everest. (That's just my hypothesis - I really don't want to try this myself.)

Quit watching the gay stuff, quit watching any stuff, worry about "what it means" when you get your head clear. At least, that's what I'm doing