Please Help me overcome this “sissy” thing

Some brief info about me
I’m 18, freshman in college
I’ve had a girlfriend for almost 4 years now
I’m a Christian
I’m heterosexual

Alright so I first discovered porn in 7th grade when I got my first laptop. I had only really seen a naked woman a few times before, once in a playboy magazine and in a couple of movies. I have been addicted to PMO since I was in 8th grade when I realized how to master bate. Idk if I would have started if I my friends weren’t talking about it. I would say I M an average of once a day for about 5 Years now. Everything was pretty normal until the summer going into junior year of high school. Basically my internet addiction took me to the point of wanting to talk to people online and send pictures on snapchat. I searched multiple cites but had basically no luck talking to women because they were either fake or wanted money. However, I noticed there was a plethora of men on these cites and decided to talk to men. I would send pictures to gay men and I liked the attention they gave even though I had no interest in what they would send back. The rush of sending a picture was too exciting and I continued to go down this path. With me being so young, I was encountering actual pedophiles without realizing it. The specific cite I was using is sexting forum in the males seeking males section. There is a ton of sick people wanting to chat with minors on that site. I think the shock value is what was addicting for me, and I started doing things to please these people online. I started shaving my whole body, sending more and more obscure things, and even saying I was younger than I was just to please these older men online. Keep in mind I’ve never cared about what they send back, but the attention I received. I know it seems narcissistic, but that’s what was going on. Essentially instead of looking at porn, I was the porn because other people were getting off to me. It was all fun and games until I’d cum and then it was depression and guilt. I’m fortunate enough to have a very supportive family and girlfriend. I told my girlfriend this was happening almost immediately after I started, a little over two years ago now, and she was supportive. She understood that my internet addiction was there before we were dating and she has been nothing but supportive since. I came to family about this last February and they have also been supportive but also took on guilt for themselves because they didn’t know this was happening. My addiction falls in line with the sissy thing that many men talk about on this site. During these times when I was talking to men, I became the submissive “sissy” or in gay terms a “twink”. The exposure to pedophilia has effected me and depressed me but I am doing okay. I am committed to stopping this and PMO altogether. Let me know if you went through something similar, or have any advice. Also feel free to ask me questions if something I said doesn’t make sense.


I also should mention that while my girlfriend and I have done sexual things together (ie oral,) we only recently started having sex. (I know 3 and a half years seems like awhile to wait before having sex but both of us are Christians and genuinely wanted to wait, and we still try to limit the time we spend being sexual. I have had no signs of ED so far, I always am able to get an erection and last a decent amount of time. The last time we had sex was last Monday and I’d say I lasted between 10 and 15 minutes but could have gone longer if I had paced myself more.

Sorry this is long I know I may have been rambling but this past month I found out about nofap and decided this is something I need to do. My highest streak this month was 5 days but I know I can do considerably more if I put in the effort. Lmk if you relate to me or have any questions

 

I’m actually considering getting a flip phone instead of having an iPhone. The thought of not having a smart phone in our society seems weird but 10 years ago it wasn’t even a thing. The fact everyone thinks it’s weird to get rid of a smart phone makes me want to do it even more, because everyone is so addicted and reliant on it. I would try it for atleast 6 months, or until summer and see if I like it. It would free up a lot of my free time as well that I spend just sitting on my phone