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I have to stop this

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by walk of light, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. Feb 1, 2018 #1
    walk of light

    walk of light Fapstronaut

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    Hi All.

    I'm 27 years of age. I'd say that I've been addicted to porn for the better part of my adult life. I was a late bloomer in terms of my sexuality, and started actively PMOing only at the age of 15. It's ironic that at the time I thought there was something wrong with me because I did not enjoy it as early as my peers did. However, this quickly changed. I've always been prone to addiction, and porn and video games consumed all of my time throughout my late teens. In '08 I dropped out of school. I was constantly chasing highs and studying was not something I was interested in at the time.

    I somehow got my life back together, and spent some time in the army. After that I enrolled on a language course at uni that would count towards a degree. I finished the course (with good grades if I may say), but realized that going back to school was not something I wanted to do. I worked odd jobs, and got my foot between the door of a big international technology company where I'm still working to this day. I'm not making big, big bucks, but I have a steady job with some prospects for a promotion, and I'm putting money to a savings account every month.

    My reasoning for joining this community, however, is very simple. PMO is still a very large shadow that looms over my life. On the absolutely worst days I might do it when I wake up, at work, and before I go to bed. I hate it. I hate the shame and the guilt. I hate the fact that I'm spending a lot of time scouring the web for this filth when I could be improving my life. Furthermore, throughout the past few years I've also gambled (which I did not do before, but I've since been able to stop it) and gained a significant amount of weight via binge eating. I can't do this anymore. Better yet, I won't do this anymore.

    I don't expect a response, pity or even support, but I want everyone who reads this to know that I've - for the first time in my life - chosen to stop harming myself through PMO. There's a fork in the road and I know what I need (and don't need) to do.

    Thanks.
     
    walk of light, Feb 1, 2018
    walk of light, Feb 1, 2018
    #1
    FeatheredTalo likes this.
  2. Feb 1, 2018 #2
    Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome @walk of light, I'm glad you're here. Congratulations on making a really good and important decision!

    If I can help, let me know. Keep coming back!
     
    Septimus, Feb 1, 2018
    Septimus, Feb 1, 2018
    #2
    walk of light likes this.
  3. Feb 1, 2018 #3
    walk of light

    walk of light Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, appreciate it.
     
    walk of light, Feb 1, 2018
    walk of light, Feb 1, 2018
    #3
  4. Feb 1, 2018 #4
    FeatheredTalo

    FeatheredTalo Fapstronaut

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    Congrats and welcome, walk of light. Good on you to make this decision for yourself and even better to better yourself! This community is more than accommodating to any questions you may have and there are never "stupid" questions to put to the forums. I encourage you to check out any other journals to get a feel for who else is dealing with these addictions.

    You got this! We're here for you.
     
    FeatheredTalo, Feb 1, 2018
    FeatheredTalo, Feb 1, 2018
    #4
    walk of light likes this.
  5. Feb 2, 2018 #5
    walk of light

    walk of light Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, your support is much appreciated.
     
    walk of light, Feb 2, 2018
    walk of light, Feb 2, 2018
    #5
    FeatheredTalo likes this.
  6. Feb 2, 2018 #6
    dwalk77

    dwalk77 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome @walk of light ! Thanks for sharing, I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I've also struggled with video games, gambling and overeating. Look forward to hearing more
     
    dwalk77, Feb 2, 2018
    dwalk77, Feb 2, 2018
    #6
    walk of light likes this.
  7. Feb 3, 2018 #7
    walk of light

    walk of light Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. One of the biggest revelations for me was that I'm not alone with my problems. Made it through day 1 without too much of a hassle, but I realize that the most difficult days lie ahead.
     
    walk of light, Feb 3, 2018
    walk of light, Feb 3, 2018
    #7
  8. Feb 3, 2018 #8
    Piggysmalls

    Piggysmalls Fapstronaut

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    This is deep .....I almost had a relapse this morning and then I read this .....the time has come for us to stop harming ourselves with that "filth" as u said....keep strong and look forward to recovery.. hope its a smooth one.
     
    Piggysmalls, Feb 3, 2018
    Piggysmalls, Feb 3, 2018
    #8
    walk of light likes this.
  9. Feb 3, 2018 #9
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hey @walk of light ,

    I'm just a normal ordinary member. No moderator super powers and no special insite. I share my ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) of what works for me.

    Just another warm welcome and a heart felt hello. This community has helped me so much.

    What worked for me was "working" it. It took hard work for me to complete a hard reboot (No pmo) for 120 days, then move into a Sex Positive mode.

    First, reading the literature published by NoFap itself along with reading journals.

    Then, doing the work. Writing in my journal and replying to introductions and other's journals.

    Finally, but not least, getting involved with the fellowship. I found it on the forums, but also in people's profiles. The forums tend to be longer posts, where the profiles tend to be more "conversational".

    That is what has worked for me. I like to remind myself that this community was here waiting for me with the lights on when I arrived. Now, I have to do my best to be there when someone comes to the community.

    * L

    PS:

    One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Reading other's stories with their victories and even defeats is a big part of my program.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @C. J. Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/153580/
    ---
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    ---
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    ---
    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/150280/
    ---
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    ---
     
    Deleted Account, Feb 3, 2018
    Deleted Account, Feb 3, 2018
    #9
    walk of light likes this.
  10. Feb 3, 2018 #10
    walk of light

    walk of light Fapstronaut

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    @Piggysmalls I'm glad that you found my post motivating and thank you for the support.

    @StopTheMusic A heartfelt thank you for your kind words. Also, thank you for the resources that you linked - I've yet to explore the forums in depth but from what I've seen it looks like this is a wonderful community.
     
    walk of light, Feb 3, 2018
    walk of light, Feb 3, 2018
    #10

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