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Beginning of the End

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by corporatehack, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. Feb 1, 2018 #1
    corporatehack

    corporatehack Fapstronaut

    9
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    A quarter of my life has been wasted on this vapid useless addiction. But not anymore, as I'm joining you all on this important community. On the outside I'm seemingly doing very well, high paying job in Manhattan while in part time school, studying for the MCAT, planning to start medical school next year. A beautiful girlfriend that I live with, who may or may not be wise to my problem.
    But I can hardly enjoy and value my life as long as this addiction controls my thoughts and actions. I had 1 prior 29 day reboot, inspired by this page. But this time it will be permanent, I guarantee it.

    Enter monk mode

    (Please see my journal entry photos about my frame of mind)
     

    Attached Files:

    corporatehack, Feb 1, 2018
    corporatehack, Feb 1, 2018
    #1
    J. Fylz likes this.
  2. Feb 1, 2018 #2
    Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

    6,380
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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back!
     
    Septimus, Feb 1, 2018
    Septimus, Feb 1, 2018
    #2
  3. Feb 2, 2018 #3
    Piggysmalls

    Piggysmalls Fapstronaut

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    Couldn't have said it better..."useless addiction that controls the mind" ...stay strong an hope we all come out of this bad addiction from the help we receive here.
     
    Piggysmalls, Feb 2, 2018
    Piggysmalls, Feb 2, 2018
    #3
  4. Feb 3, 2018 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Hey @thenewjeff ,

    I'm just a normal ordinary member. No moderator super powers and no special insite. I share my ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) of what works for me.

    Just another warm welcome and a heart felt hello. This community has helped me so much.

    What worked for me was "working" it. It took hard work for me to complete a hard reboot (No pmo) for 120 days, then move into a Sex Positive mode.

    First, reading the literature published by NoFap itself along with reading journals.

    Then, doing the work. Writing in my journal and replying to introductions and other's journals.

    Finally, but not least, getting involved with the fellowship. I found it on the forums, but also in people's profiles. The forums tend to be longer posts, where the profiles tend to be more "conversational".

    That is what has worked for me. I like to remind myself that this community was here waiting for me with the lights on when I arrived. Now, I have to do my best to be there when someone comes to the community.

    * L

    PS:

    One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Reading other's stories with their victories and even defeats is a big part of my program.

    I've included journals from all age groups, spiritual members, religious members, secular members, male and female. You should find journals that help. If not, look around, there are hundreds of others from which to choose. When I say "it works if you work it", reading journals is part of that work.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

    @C. J. Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/153580/
    ---
    @Reverent Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143845/
    ---
    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
    ---
    @2525 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/150280/
    ---
    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
    ---
     
    Deleted Account, Feb 3, 2018
    Deleted Account, Feb 3, 2018
    #4
  5. Feb 11, 2018 #5
    corporatehack

    corporatehack Fapstronaut

    9
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    Thanks everyone for the support!! I intend on checking in here every week or so. I'm not sure I'm at a level where I can offer anything to anyone else, but dumping my thoughts somewhere is a great tool, and I'm humbled by anyone who will listen.

    On the 9th day I was close to relapse. Being home alone is the most dangerous time. I chose to look at some scandalous instagram accounts, but then remembered the letter to myself. It's still in my paper journal, and will always be there. I imagined going back on my word (relapsing) but the permanence of that paper journal won't disappear. How could I betray myself when I so clearly wrote my true desires to be free of PMO? That brought me back to my senses. I would say I came 50% close to a relapse then, but every near relapse will make me wiser. The acknowledgement of my problem is done, the next problem was knowing what resources (instagram, home alone on the computer, etc) tend to trigger me. I'm aware of all that, but haven't built the tools to stop myself. It feels like I go into a trance when I get beyond that 50% mark toward relapse; it becomes a downhill slide that I seemingly cannot control. But the more I learn, hopefully the easier this will become.

    • The panic button is helpful. Sometimes I look at it just for fun, on a good, no-urges day. There's great stuff on there!
    • Going forward I need to write more on paper (because it has helped in the past).
    • I'm going to continue listening to Porn Free Radio (a podcast by Matt Dobschuetz). He has wealth of knowledge and has me on the cusp of realizing a deeper drive toward porn... the one consistency in every F or PMO... isolation (whether real, perceived, or desired). It feels like a new darker road to look at myself seeking porn because I feel or want to feel isolated - I'm a little scared of what I might find out. But this journey is about self discovery - meeting the man I've never met before. So onward!
    Questions
    ??? Should I tell my girlfriend? What if I make it to my goals all alone? Is that good enough? I think the idea of this addiction still may haunt me.
     
    corporatehack, Feb 11, 2018
    corporatehack, Feb 11, 2018
    #5
    J. Fylz likes this.
  6. Feb 11, 2018 #6
    J. Fylz

    J. Fylz Fapstronaut

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    Addictions are a challenge but as you have said they are making you stronger. And for the first time in your life you are really assessing yourself. You are taking a look at the patterns that have brought you to this place and you are beginning to understand where it’s hard to stay clean and by doing that you are able to get ahead of it.
    Keep in mind that this challenge is not just about cutting stuff out of your life because an empty space is meant to be filled, so explore what makes you happy, what motivates you and gets you excited and start using the time you would be using PMO and begin to get excited about yourself!! Taking the time you feel urges to plan and initiate intimate and honest moments with your girlfriend is a healthy way to transfer thst energy from something negative that you are fighting against into something positive that moves your relationship to a deeper level!

    Writing out on paper is so therapeutic it allows you to vent thoughts physically as well as mentally. Just don’t forget to do some of that soul searching on this site as it will keep your progress in a place where you gain insight from others, get accountability, and it’s a great opportunity to let others learn and grow with you.

    Proud of you for taking this journey and for wanting to put in the effort!!
     
    J. Fylz, Feb 11, 2018
    J. Fylz, Feb 11, 2018
    #6

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