Porn addiction and sexual-themed OCD

I feel your pain, as do lot of people on here.

I have high ADHD and people who have ADHD and ADD have a naturally low dopamine output. As a result, people who have this can get instantly addicted to things that give a boost of dopamine (like porn). So I understand to a degree

My addiction as well had escalated to a point where I felt physically sick all the time with myself. You are not alone. Porn twists and warps our perception of reality and screws with us mentality and physically.

We all have our horror stories and it’s good that you told yours to get it off your chest. The next steps are hard but you can do it. I got really far into sissy porn (being dominant), it was a weakness that kept me coming back (even though I’m not into guys, it was just taboo). But now those thoughts are going away. They show up now and again to try and pull me back, like recently, but the thoughts and urges are weak and I’m only a little past a month.

You got this. Keep fighting. Don’t let it destroy you. Destroy it first.

 

You have to bear this addiction or else Walt will have to cook meth all on his own.

 

Thanks for this post. Its spot on. Also OCD here and I think we are the most adept at bashing ourselves to bits for not being "perfect"... and there is nothing LESS perfect than letting yourself wade into the immorality and filth that is pornography...whatever the genre.

Its all about desensitization.. and this is how we are "breaking our brains" with this shit. Recognizing that it is an addiction and needs to be taken seriously is the path Im on right now. I dont care if other folks think its "normal" or harmless. Its fucking me up... BUT I wont let it define me..just like your post says. We are NOT the porn we watch. We are better than that.. so much better. Grab the beast by the horns and move forward with integrity...

 

Currently suffering with severe pocd extreme guilt about having a groinal response. Did this go away for you?? Please tell me that it did.

 

This is interesting. I have a long history of severe OCD and the difficult part of the journey was understanding it was pure O. People who are unaware of how pure O works don't understand why we do and think as we do. I found in my pure O it changed many times over my life and is very debilitating. Some of these stories sound quite familiar. Unfortunately the beast of the OCD world is "checking". I found back in the days of intense counseling.. at that time my OCD was themed of primarily causing harm..ie car accidents..stabbing people.. I even started missing college classes because of it as well as thinking that maybe I'd start barking like a dog in class or stab someone with a pencil. Many years of in-and- out of jobs were connected to this as well. All of these as well as bizarre sexual pure O were always severe and an absolute battle daily. Exhausting working ones life around these intrusions that not only don't makes sense but they would tie into "feelings", memories relationships etc.. Wasn't until later in life in my late 20s or early 30s did I start looking at porn and to be honest it was a relief and seemed way too helpful especially coming from a huge dysfunctional highly religious background. It was like "hey sex is ok" and this hush hush hypocrisy connected to a huge unhealthy perspective was doable now.. if that makes sense? The difficulty is at this point in the 90s
porn just became an online thing and there wasn't any education about it. So it went from the unhealthy "shamed and guilty" religious aspects to the "free for all". One end of the spectrum to the other. Neither are healthy to be honest. Some great learning came from the journey ...I had much difficulty being on several medications as well as my faith and truth journey and seeing for myself no matter at what end of this journey your on that Christ is alive and well. Another part I learned is that while looking and embracing porn as with most everyone starts out in the "normal" areas with the hints of their own fetish and as with most people it progresses and goes in EVERY direction. THE IMPORTANT AND DANGEROUS part TO UNDERSTAND is while your mind is "OPEN" and very vulnerable you see other things and are HIGHLY INFLUENCED AND ACTUALLY IMPRINTED ON WHILE IN AN ADDICTIVE STATE chasing through pics and videos. Some reference to this are to the chakra or spirit or orgasmic state and it's the most VULNERABLE STATE hence this is why marriage and committed couples get bonded or have an "addictive" state to a partner. It's a bit of a spiritual perspective but very factual and scientific if you research it. Unfortunately if your like me and near 50 and have chosen very poorly in relationships that have failed (as I normally choose narcissists) and find yourself giving up it makes porn that much more appealing and easy to fall back into UNTIL the intrusions start over and you find you've wired yourself again or have dreams and bizzare intrusions. It's definitely real. On that note I've noticed you can rewire and wire and it gets very taxing especially when you can sexualize a toaster if it passes through the chakra. When one learns all of this it becomes a real empowerment and help in the journey when striving for balance but still very difficult to stop. I think especially if lack of hope in life and other huge cases of injustice lurk in the mix of your life its very easy to get discouraged as well. I've had every type of groinal feelings in association then noticed after reset it doesn't even come to mind. If I liked a color or clothing or some object in a porn video then if that item was on anyone or in relation while out in daily life it triggers always by association and it all networks and maps the brain. This is why porn is dangerous and in a sense it's a loose cannon with literally no safty in your mind as to what will associate. Much like how we think a puppy is so cute or a baby and feel those happy things and it can be relatable. All -in-all best to avoid and if fap is a issue to balance then go to ones mind after a reset and even at that exercise caution on fantasy. As I've studied a few of these things over the years one common thing among these women who do porn is they very rarely if even at all watch porn themselves. They actually only enjoy the acting and that isn't as enjoyed as they always express the unrealistic features that are taxing. In honesty there are many women and men enjoying and engaging in alternative outlets like cams and vertual but as I've read and learned a little about it that has several DANGEROUS pitfalls as well...there are mental and emotional abuse to oneself because these chakras are open to real people and your in a sense addicted to a person you will never meet or love and many are having huge depression and self destructiveness because of it. Many spend tons of money on them while in addictive states of mind. In conclusion one study I read said the mind, body and spirit literally were not designed or equipped to be this over stimulated or active in such a way without connection to real people in a loving mix with empathy and reality. Can one find balance? I think it's individual but I think it's leaning towards having a real partner where your healthily both a good sexual match but also fulfilled in many other facets of life. Both giving and receiving in the ebb and flow of life. OCD is hell and I hope those who have it might consider some of these things and understand OCD is a specific beast that others don't understand and its called "Brain Lock" that is discussed by a few OCD doctors. They are very descriptive of how brains like this don't grab and let go as normal people do everyday with thoughts that connect and feelings and all that is associated in that free-flowing mind. So beware fellow OCDers and ADHDers. I know it's so difficult when all us guys and women just want is a good looking partner to love on us and us to do the same to them .... we all have a great desire to do so as that's what makes the world go around. Be careful and bless you all. If your young and got game and your healthy get things reset and get your stuff together and find a good woman. Have a happy and fulfilling real sex life and build a life together.

 

Dude I used to jack it to gay porn exclusively. Soon as I started noticing I was fantasizing about my male friends in a sexual way I convinced myself I was gay, I must be gay. I eventually had sex with one of my male roommates and it was biggest mistake of my life. I felt like I was just reenacting porn I'd watched and it was all sorts of wrong. I didn't cum even and hurt my dick. It all really messed with my head because I felt shame for being gay despite not being homophobic at all. But it didn't feel right to me, like I was lying to myself and it was wrong.

I quit porn 6 months ago and I don't fantasize about men anymore and realise I never actually was attracted to men. I like girls. So because I'm actually straight, gay thoughts were 'wrong' to my head and therfore more taboo to me and the tabooness excited my desensitized brain. I felt like a naughty kid again who's just discovered porn whenever I endulged in something that my brains recognise as wrong for me.

Anyway keep fighting man it's a long road I'm still trying to quit fapping but I managed to escape the HOCD and porn so far

 

After months of dealing with ocd and pocd and feeling suicidal and horrible (in combination with porn addiction) i finally felt a little bit better this week due to my meds and lots of therapy. But after i got an terrifying intrusion today i felt lost and i was seriously thinking about ending my life. Your comment seriously calmed me down for real! Not because of reassurance, because i got that lots of times and it didnt work at all. You explained this so well. It gave me the feeling that there is hope. Thank you so much!

 

OCD is like a curse !!! I'm really Touch by this story I relapse twice this week and It brings me Pain. I Have HOCD and it's not Mild anymore it aggravated and freaks me out all the time every day. I need to find new pleasure in my works so the PMO gravings don't increase and worsen my HOCD. I need help too but NOFAB Forum is helping me and I found some great material and support. I really encourage your braveness pal!

 

Walt was supposed to cook meth with who? what do you please?

 

I have the HOCD too and man it can fucked my brain. I love and Like girl only but the HOCD brings you a scary curiosity and I'm trying to quit PMO for good! I Belive God Gonna give me that Strength I relapse easily even with Porn Blocker and that's a problem to solve ASAP