I think I've lost my way.

[übermoralist]Forget the dopamine and desensitization. Ask yourself if you'd ever want this type of a "kinky" woman become the mother of your children. Or any children, for that matter.[/übermoralist]

 

I've been in a similar position and it resulted in me relapsing, you may find it easier without her but if you actually like her then by all means keep it going. You have to be honest with yourself though, is it her you like or is she simply P to you?

Good luck mate

 

I have a few questions. Do you know this woman in real life? Also, what else about her appeals to you other than sexual desire?

 

Not exactly the same as watching porn, but this is a very common mistake. Guys quit porn and masturbation, yet they have their mobile devices full of numbers from girls. I did this mistake in the beginning, and instead of a PMO addiction I had a camsex/phonesex addiction. Just avoid girls - it's the best for you, if you want to recover in the best possible way.

And that girl is for sure a masturbator as well, maybe you should refer her to this site and I could personally talk to her. Sending pictures of an erotic nature is a big risk, and risk taking is a part of addiction.

Nono, this just doesn't seem good to me. Tell that girl that you've no interest in sex talking, tell her that you're looking for a real relationship. And tell her to stop with her masturbating habits, because only a masturbator would send erotic pictures to a stranger.

 

Clarity, just please remember that our fight has a higher purpose, it's meant to bring an overall change in mentality, in how you relate to other people - not just your dick rubbing habits that in the end no one gives a shit about except for you.

 

Well, then think about the problems that CAUSED porn addiction in the first place, for fuck sake. That's what I mean speaking of higher purpose. If you don't go deep enough into the issue, in a year or two you'll find yourself exactly where you've been. It's like repaying your debts and then getting another loan.

Think about it.

 

I think I'm starting to lose my way...

Before I thought that my goal in quitting PMO was that that I could get to know new girls and have fun with them. But that's not a problem anymore. I meet new girls almost every day. So why should I try to quit PMO anymore? I already reached my goal?

And I don't really know about being a better person. I think that my mind will always be somehow dirty and bothered. And I think that P is just one of the many things that caused that. And I can live with that. I can live with my pervert fantasies. It seems that it ain't so bad after all.

Maybe the realistic goal is not to try to change your mind, but to learn to live with it. Life just causes you to go insane sometimes. Society (even if you don't watch P) makes your mind sick. You can't avoid it. Well, maybe you could, but it would require complete isolation from society and from other people. And that's not really an alternative for me. Maybe I just have to be sick?

Sh*t, what I'm writing? Am I giving up or what? This seems to be again a hard day for me.

 

What society? You're just talking to the society.

 

I meant that we are living in a world that is full of pornographic material. And you can't hide from it. It's everywhere, on the tv, on magazines and in internet. And there are all other kinda sick aspects in modern, consumerist culture. In hat situation fighting PMO seems so hopeless and little. It's just one of the many devils. It's just frustrating for me.

And my personal problems and issues have other roots besides PMO. Some might even be bigger than it. They are the things that made PMO in the first place. Maybe PMO is just symptom?

 

Oh, my friend, that I know. But we are the youth of this world (well, I assume you're young) and it is our duty to change it - primarily by personal example. Feel entitled and right to despise the modern culture with all its filth - many of us do here. You're not alone in this worthy struggle, we're with you. Besides, there's a huge good part to life; it offers many beautiful experiences, if you have the courage to seek and strive for them.

Besides, I somehow do manage to hide from pornographic material. If I ever watch TV it's only documentaries or old movies (I just skip through other channels without paying attention to what's on them). I don't have Facebook and yet have two worthy friends that I meet on a more or less regular basis. I could use some more company, but when I eventually gain it, I certainly won't feel the need to watch their dumb pictures posted online. On the web I only visit those sites (basically news sites, forums, science portals) that I know are of cultural environments that have nothing to do with sex - simple. It gets difficult when I go down the street, as women sometimes uncover too much of their body (that's why I warmheartedly am welcoming the upcoming winter!), but with patience, thoughtfulness and reservation you can handle it. Sometimes you catch a glimpse of a poster with an almost naked chick advertising the latest Lady Gaga's concert tour or some shit of that sort - at that point just look up to heaven and say: "I know you're testing me dude, but you know I'm not giving up." In time you will develop in yourself this deep understanding of the mechanisms of the sex industry, and behind a pair of naked books you will first see the seemingly unbearable temptation, and THEN you will think about the greedy, pathetic SOAB selling them and trying to make money on your weakness. This hatred will give you strength to overcome him with your iron will. I wish I was there with you to just give you a friendly pat on the back for doing so, but there are certainly people out there who will replace me; maybe you just have to approach them.

Be consistent and brave in patiently and logically condemning the contemporary consumptionist culture. Those who indulge in it are of a weak sort, they will fall apart eventually, they are bound to fail, to become slaves. Dark times may come upon this planet. But those will pass, and then it will be us who remain strong and who will regain control over our civilization again. It will be our aesthetic standards, not theirs, that shall prevail once more.

 

Yeah, I'm young. But I don't really have any duties towards anybody. There is no meaning in all of this. For many years, I tried to find reasons, but I didn't found them. I only found out that ideologies, religions and moral codes are nothing more than stories invented by people.

I probably live only once (there is no proof of any afterlife). What should I do then? Make my life miserable and painfull by trying to change the world? History is full of people who have failed in it. They spent their whole lives in misery. Do you think that they were happy when they died? Or maybe they just looked at their lives and saw only hopeless struggle. Anyway, I don't want to be one of them. I just want to enjoy my life as much as possible right now!

But I'm seriously messed up guy without any direction in life, don't listen to me. You clearly have something you believe in.

 

Firstly, if you are in a romantic relationship you'll have to deal with the sex question. In my case I'm married and for me it isn't even a question. Part of any healthy, romantic, relationship is sex. I will not deny myself sex with my wife.

You said you are not masturbating or watching porn. Great! Now I say this because I see fapping and sex as two different things. Yes dopamine is involved but there is an emotional aspect to it that isn't present when you are fapping. So, in my book, two different things

Second, does she know what you are trying to do? I admit telling her about your goals in the nofap area can be scary and even embarrassing. However, if no one talks about the problem that we fapstronauts face then how will it ever be recognized as a genuine issue? If she truly likes you she will, hopefully, understand. Perhaps you and she can work out other activities. Take her to a movie, go for walks, all that good stuff.

Finally, one last point. This one goes to your feeling hornier. The reason you feel hornier is because you are oversexed at the moment. This is due to that fapping habit you, like all of us, are trying to break away from. I can tell you from experience (made one week without fapping prior to finding this site, but fell off the wagon), it will level out eventually and you will start to feel normal.

I hope this helps you out dude. Good luck.

 

Clarity, are you even sure the thing you're talking to is a woman? Have you been communicating vocally? Because otherwise it might just be some sort of a pervert wanking to your messages at the other side.

 

Basically, that says it all.

So, the answer is: Yes, PMO and chatting and sexting are the same.
Well, at least, chatting is social interaction, so this is probably more pleasureable than looking porn.

But still, it has the same effect: You ESCAPE from YOUR WAY.

All addictions have one thing in common: We use them as a way to "cope" with our fears, our doubts, our uncertainties, our loneliness, our lack of planning, etc.

You say "I lost my way". - So, WHAT IS YOUR WAY? Do you have certain goals in your mind? What do you want to reach? And what does hold you back from reaching these goals? Are there emotions holding you back? Or are you lacking a plan?

BTW, I clearly prefer a "kinky" girl over a "saint" girl. And there are many girls who are "kinky" and very fair and stable partner at the same time.

But you should have a plan and know what you want.