Hi! I'll make my introduction topic but I have been reading many posts with people with the same problems and me but I'm a little bit lost. First, thanks for reading this and let me tell you my story. I'm dating a guy for a month and a half, he's lovely but when we started to have intimacy well, we just couldn't. An ED issue. First time I thought he was nervous, that's OK, it happens. The second time we couldn't and I got frustrated as a woman, I know you understand the situation. Then we tried again and he confessed me he was a porn addict. He told me he was going to look for help and then he explained to me what he had to do, about the "reboot time", basically not porn and masturbation. This started like a month ago more or less, and I have been reading about this topic and now I find this amazing forum so maybe you would be able to help me with your experience. Sometimes we try to have sex but only once days ago (and like 2 weeks after the reboot) he could get an erection, not a full one. Last night we tried again and nothing. As I'm reading here maybe I'm doing a bad approach. I mean, should I have to not trying to have sex with my SO for weeks until he starts having erections? I'm really lost here. I know he is not into PMO but I don't want to insist or be part of his problem. He's very frustrated with this problem as I am. I'll appreciate any help and comments. Thanks! //edit: I'm a bit lost here with all sub-forums. If this isn't the right subforum please move it to the right one. Thanks!
Hola, @Leikan ¿Como estás? I'm suffering from (porn-induced) ED myself, so I can try to put myself in your SO's shoes (although in saying that, these things are different for everyone, so what I say might not pertain to him). My problem is that for many years I've been spending far too much time feeding my PM addiction, and far too little being close to my wife. I am desperate to change both of those. Which means, it's really important for me to have intimacy with my wife, of any and every sort including but not just sexual. At the moment we're not yet even trying to have sex often yet, just occasionally. And even when we do try, I struggle; I'm getting better bit by bit, I think, but I've a long way to go yet. What really helps me is that my wife is patient and loving, and lets me get close to her. When we kiss and cuddle etc., I feel that each time I take another step away from the darkness and towards normalcy. And when we do (try to) have sex, whether it goes particularly well or not, I feel like every attempt moves me closer to where I need to be, and moves us closer to each other. If your boyfriend is at all in a similar place to me, I'm sure he really appreciates you being there, so I can't see how you could be doing anything wrong by trying. (Of course, it could be that he's doing the 'hard mode', in which case, yeah, you definitely shouldn't push him! But let's assume that's not the case.) Just please don't get too frustrated, or worse - the poor guy is already stressed and anxious as it is, no need to pile extra pressure on him, that could just make his ED even worse. Incidentally - and I don't want to get too graphical here, in case someone reading this gets any funny ideas... - but you could take this phase as an opportunity to explore some other ways of doing things together, where his ED won't be a problem. I'm sure I don't need to be more explicit, you're a big girl, you work it out. Anyway, assuming he is genuinely rebooting and going about it the right way, he should hopefully be back on track sooner or later, and then you can both have a good laugh about all this and move forward together that much stronger and closer.
Hi Rob! Thanks a lot for your help! As you told me and following your example I am patient and loving but at the same time, it's hard to me to understand his situation because basically for a man this is a really big issue. The thing is I don't want to pressure him but that doesn't mean I don't want to have intimacy with my bf. Also, I don't see him every day, so we don't have a lot of chances of working on that. About your idea of "playing," I always try but I noticed his view of sex is penetration and if he can't because the ED he blocks himself and that doesn't give me a lot of tools to work out this issue without creating pressure on him. Sounds like a paradox maybe. Thanks again for your honesty and experience!
