Don't believe in the mask

hey, you write like a poem.
and there's a guy out there who has actually worked out the different masks that us men wear to hide what's truly going on inside
https://www.maskofmasculinity.com
which mask do you wear?

 

I totally get the mask reference because I do it to. For me it was a coping mechanism I used as a child to get through so messed up stuff. Unfortunately, this coping mechanism no longer serves me well. Have you given much thought to what would happen if people were able to see you for who you are?

 

First off,

The girl you were with happened, deal with it.

She ain't coming back and I can almost guarantee you that you won't be willing to go back if she asked you.

What we call love in the sense of a girlfriend mostly resides in the urge to procreate.

You pushed her away, and you're sad that she is now happy without you, that's fine, but she is happy so she needs none of your attention.

You on the other hand...

If you would go back to her if she asked, work on your self respect. Ask yourself what a person you would find respectable does daily, what traits do they possess?

Now find what traits you possess that make you respectable and work on them e.g. give them attention. Continuously compliment yourself on how amazing it is that you do this and would do that.

You speak of a broken heart, yeah you're sad, but man, sadness is a feeling. It's that heart of yours telling you that something is way off.

I am sure you listened to it, but the problem is now that you are looking in the wrong place.

What have you done in the last 7 days to better yourself?

IDGAF about PMO, what have you done to take a step further into your life?

As for the people you don't want to see you sad, that's good, Presentation is everything.

You are a product. How does one sell a product?

You make it look fuckin nice. you put on flashy colors and speak of all the awesomely amazing things you can do.

How do you make the product better? You get something that could be better and you make it better.

You obviously have problems. They rob you of your energy, find out what you are wasting your energy on and figure out what you want to spend your energy on and start using your energy better.

 

Browneyed, I hear you expressing your grief, sadness, and anger and not asking for any help in particular, so I applaud you for venting here. I believe we have to know, name and face our feelings over and over and over until they weaken.

 

Sometimes they need to see the real you in order to relate. I don't see that as weak but as strong. Who knows how many could be helped from sharing your REAL story.

 

I don’t think it’s about displaying weakness, I think it’s more about you not feeling that you”ll receive back the things that you need from other people. We are the fixers in our relationships. We are the ones everyone looks to for help, advice and understanding with their problems. Unfortunately, we don’t ever seem to get this back from the people around us. We believe that they are just not wire to provide us that empathy back that we so desperately want and need. For me it really come down to trust. Trust has to be earned, but how can others earn it if we don’t give them the opportunity to?

 

Back to the "mask" if I may. IMO, the mask can come off partially or for some, not at all. In rare situations, it may come off fully for a time, but I think that's for enlightened types, or people on the spectrum (like those with autism), or when we're under the influence of drugs, alcohol, etc. It's there for protection. We just need to know how to use it. The mask might be called the Ego, too. The good thing is that our minds have plasticity. We bend it the wrong way, but it can be bent back with the right tools.

 

I get it man,

Making people happy is a good thing. They will like you.

The problem lies in that message. You care more for others than yourself.

That is a very romantic idea. People say that this is the most wonderful thing in the world when it is in fact the opposite.

People come and go, in the end if it all you are the person you have to live with. You are the one that still talks to you right before you go to sleep.

If you do not take care of yourself you will fall apart as you are seeing.

Am I telling you that you are stupid? No! Quite francly i applaud your care for others. It's very rare that people show so much of themselves to other people.

I am just acknowledging your problem for what it is. I am being very analytical.

That mask of yours is your gaurd. You are just using it in the wrong place. It is there to keep you safe. I cannot tell you what it should keep safe. That's for you to decide.

The first thing you should do with all pain is ask yourself, what does this feeling want to teach you. Why is it there? How did it get there? What is it doing?

As for the self care. You are awesome dude, if you do not think so get reasons why. Indulge in your hobbies. Make them passions. Learn new skills. Excel in whatever you want to. The world is your oister how are you gonna crack it open?

 

She did you a favor, brother. She gave you a reason to better yourself. Don't despair, rejoice. Use this hurt and transmute it to something to better yourself with. It always gets better with time. Use this hurt to spearhead your new path, your new direction.

This event will either trigger you or embolden you. I hope it's the latter.

 

I've a similar problem and I know how difficult it is. Wish you all the best mate