Hi, Masturbation and porn has control of my life. I started masturbating and looking at pictures of women in catalogs and magazines when I was a young boy, then moved on to porn shortly thereafter. Due to religious reasons I wasn't able to have sex unless married (no longer an issue) and only ever had one girlfriend when I was 20 for a year (we made only ever got to 1st base). Contrary to the commonly held belief that masturbation and porn are "healthy" I personally feel like shit for at least a day after I fap (this is NOT due to religious indoctrination, it's my own reality), and I have a hard time focusing after I've spent all that mental and physical energy which affects my ability to do things at work and in my personal life. It has led to low self-esteem and anxiety with being around and talking to women due to the guilt and also association of them as simply, excuse the language but it's the only way I feel I can express it: "fuck-toys". I want to stop and have tried many times and in different ways, pre-occupying myself with activities, going to the gym, becoming a workaholic, etc. but I always relapse. It's always during the moments when I've been good for a while and seeing a hot girl triggers it or it's a dull/lazy period where I'm bored and I say to myself "one peek won't hurt" then I slowly loose control.. Anyway it's a bit tl;dr here but I'm willing to try anything to stop.
I`m 25 and a virgin too, never had a long term relationship though. I feel nofap will put me in the right mindset to fix that, but I am doing a lot of other things to fix this issue.
theburncan, your story rings a lot of bells for me. Like you, my brain got primed/sensitised to pics of women in catalogues and newspapers at about age 7. When I first saw a porn magazine aged 15, there could only be one result - the start of an obsessive masturbation habit. My natural shyness and introversion has meant that on the few instances of women showing outward signs of interest towards me, I have never known what to say or do, and lost the chance to act. The worst thing personally is that by the time I reached your age, about 25, porn brainwashed me into thinking that the only way for me to get sex was to pay for it, which I did a few times. I still feel angry at myself nearly 15 years on. Like you, my long term porn use still frequently makes it difficult for me to look at women without thinking of porn or sex or undressing them mentally. So at age 39, I have yet to have a girlfriend or relationship, and yes, porn probably has played some part in that. Just keep asserting to yourself that you can and will get through this. I wish you all the best in your journey.
You say you allways relapse. First thing you have to do is to commit yourself 100% to NoFap. You can read all threads on this forum with guides like follow this and follow that. But it wont work if you're not 100% commited about it. If you are, than it's completly fine to let others show you how to get to your desired point. You are your own best coach. Nobody on this forum can help you with that and watch you all day long and intervene when you are about milking your snake. You are responsible for that and i think if you really.. like REALLY want to stay away from PMO than you can! But you really have to buy-in in to this NoFap. There is no shortcut, there is no 'just one more time.
Waiting to have sex until you're married has nothing to do with religion. It is merely religion that tells us not to do it. The REASON for waiting until you're married is because sex is a sacrament, signifying the unity of the Holy Trinity, so it must be protected and respected within the vow of marriage. God is a thing that exists, apart from any religion telling us He does. He is reality. His unity is reality. So, sex, being in some ways a picture of Him, is a thing with certain qualities. Religion merely tells us what those qualities are; it doesn't define them. So, wait until you're married. You'll thank me later if you follow my advice!
I completely agree with you. But I sometimes wonder what it is about being a virgin till marriage that makes the experience so much better? Especially if you wait till your 40 to get married, your not going to have the same energy, vitality, stamina and attractiveness as say in your 20's and early 30's?
You knit your soul to the person you have sex with, so if that union is not protected with a vow, then if/when the two split up, their souls, knit together, tear apart from each other, leaving a jagged, bloody tear -- metaphorically speaking. Hence why divorce and remarriage is so horrible.
Understood and thanks for the cold hard truth. I appreciate it. I'm able to stick to things if I set my mind to it I.e., losing weight, work projects, etc. I'm sure with the extra discipline and support of this group I'll be able to start achieving some goals with my PMO addiction too.
Thanks for your story. I've thought about buying it too but have copped out. I appreciate the advice from someone who's been down the path...
Gotta be honest here - that sounds a little extreme. For instance, does it have to be PIV sex to knit souls, or does "third base" count? Or what about just kissing? And um, hypothetically, supposing a person experienced non-consensual sex? What then? Don't get me wrong, I fully support waiting until marriage for lots of reasons, it just seems like it's possible to overstate the long-term consequences. And there's cybersex too. Is the porn addict tying his soul to dead pixels? Or does the person depicted in the image get tied in too, spiritually?
You have acted wisely in deciding not to pay for sex, whatever the reasons were. It is best not to go down that road - I hate to think what would have happened if I had continued.
Better to spend 50 years in a horrible marriage that doesn't work for either party instead of divorce or re-marriage, eh?
Yep! What you say with irony, I say with conviction: if you make the vow, that's it. Marriage cannot be undone. If your marriage is terrible (like, abusive or whatever), you can leave, of course, for your own safety etc...but you cannot remarry. Because you're still married, no matter what the state says.
It IS extreme, e5s! What is right is almost always viewed as extreme by the world. PIV knits souls, yes. Third base etc...no. Of course not. Rape? Yeah, knit souls. And that's sad for the girl who got raped. She's got a heavy cross to bear her whole life. She's not married to her rapist, of course! But there's a spiritual connection there (albeit a disgusting one) that she cannot get rid of. Hence the horrible nature of rape. Hence women saying that being killed is better than being raped. Cybersex (masturbation) is not soul-knitting, because there isn't another soul directly in physical union with you.
Okay then jmark. And since you're claiming it under the banner of religion (or metaphysics, whatever) reckon I have to refrain from calling it out as idiotic nonsense. Have fun with your beliefs there. At least Christians have to justify their convictions from scripture or tradition. Plus one for the Church.
That is outrageous! "Rape? Yeah, knit souls... there's a spiritual connection there (albeit a disgusting one) that she cannot get rid of." How can you say that there's a spiritual connection between a rapist and his victim? NO! You have a twisted view of spirituality man.
[sarcasm] Yeah, well, luckily it's only PIV that knits souls, so after the purity ball the kids can organize an oral-anal orgy and everything will be totes cool on the spiritual plane. [/sarcasm]
What jmark says is true. Bonding between partners and lovers occurs through the release of oxytocin in our brains. The release of oxytocin is triggered by sex, yes, but more importantly by a whole range of affectionate behaviours. As you can see in the article, fapping can mess with the bond. When the bond is broken, as when a long lasting pair break up, the pain could be as bad as when a loving parent, child or sibling dies. The science behind it is explained in "Oxytocin, Fidelity and Sex", which I have quoted from below. I haven't linked it but you can google it at reuniting dot info: ------------Excerpts from "Oxytocin, Fidelity and Sex" To form a tight bond... these behaviors need to occur almost daily for an extended period. Eventually the brain can wire up a lasting association of comfort with a particular person/mammal (bond). Unless it is broken by... stress, or replaced with a new bond, it can last a lifetime. This is how we can come to dote on our parents, kids, pets...and even, if we're lucky, our mate. The mechanics behind the power of attachment cues are dead simple. These familiar behaviors (skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, affectionate touch, nurturing, etc.) release oxytocin in a part of the brain known as the amygdala and relax it. Without this neurochemically induced ease, we don't bond. We remain on guard. The key point is that in mammalian brains, bonding behaviors seem to deliver just the right amount of oxytocin to induce and strengthen attachment—all things being equal. Cuddling registers as rewarding (unless someone has been engaging in too much solo sex).
•*•*•*Im new to this fapstrounts thing and this is my first day trying to stop masturbating for good. Anyways im 17 right now and have been masturbating for about 4 years now. I want to quit because i noticed that when i started to masturbate i did worse in school, i was awkward around girls, and ive been masturbating 3 times a day almost every day! Also i used to get off just by watching regular sex but sometimes i can only get off by watching hardcore stuff. And when i wasnt masturbating i played alot of team sports , i had plenty of girlfriends, and school wasnt an issue. If someone could just help me out that would be really great.
