A Change Has Come

Its been almost a month that I have been on my path from recovering from PA. I have to say I have not been so present in my life than I am now. I have been in the sick fog of my PA for the majority of my life. At the realization of possibly losing my wife, who's my best friend, I couldn't face the fact that it could be the end of us and so I decided to change my ways. This evening she and I shared a passionate long kiss. She has allowed me to see some of her true vulnerable self. I thought I would never see this. EVER! I also felt there just THERE. My mind wasn't wandering off as it used to do. I saw my wife and her alone. Not when I used to when we would kiss I would wander off about things I saw on P and what I would want to do to her because I saw that on P. Honestly I simply want to be present with my mind. I have come to learn that I had to reboot from my core, from my mind. Being mindful has helped me so much. Yes I still do have invading thoughts however I've been learning to accept the fact that my mind will produce thoughts, its what the brain does. My mind has been habituated to think and soak up anything that related to P. Hence distorting my notions of what a healthy sex life really meant. So when I get the invasive thoughts I immediately distract my self with Push ups or burpees. Work actually has been great for me. I put all my focus in it even through those invasive thoughts. Learning to accept your thoughts and simply be mindful of them yet NOT FEED THEM IN ANY WAY will grant you peace of mind and the clarity to build a better you. Mindfulness has allowed me to actually pay better attention when the contrary I would have been mindlessly wandering within my distorted thoughts. I believe that all recovery begins in the mind. I came to accept that I am addicted to P. Now I simply USED to be addicted to P. I know that I still have a lot to work on, however I have a more positive out look in life and it only keeps getting better and better. Thank you NoFap for being there for me and my wife. Thank you for all of my brothers and sisters for your sincerity and insightful teachings. I am grateful for ALL OF YOU.