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30 y/o female; ready to acknowledge & address

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by maidn, Oct 31, 2017.

  1. Oct 31, 2017 #1
    maidn

    maidn New Fapstronaut

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    I've been lurking for at least a month now, not in denial (anymore), but... feeling dumb, ashamed, & frustrated.

    I'm an erotica author. A few years ago, when the self-publishing boom hit Amazon & 50 Shades of Grey made it more viable to sell erotica for a living, I thought I'd finally found a way to actually leverage my creative writing degree & make money doing what I love. I'd gotten disillusioned with my writing career due to years of unfulfilling freelance work, & writing erotica was (for a while) the best decision I'd ever made.

    But... I ended up stuck in a never-ending cycle of constantly watching porn in order to keep the ideas flowing. So writing erotica & watching porn for 8+ hours a day eventually took its toll on me, & the wake-up call finally happened when I kept asking myself, over & over again: Why am I so apathetic all the time?! I legitimately couldn't get enthusiastic about anything; I felt run-down & disinterested in everything. Having never really suffered from depression before then, I struggled to understand where it was coming from or what was happening to me.

    I did what anyone would do in that situation & I got bloodwork done just to be sure it wasn't a vitamin thing, but everything came back normal. & then... I discovered NoFap. I started reading about the effects of chronic porn-use, & I realized that THIS, yes, this is what I've been going through.

    This is tough, but... I can't live in this apathetic state; it's so demoralizing & I hate it. So I need to hold myself accountable, & this is my first step.

    This is already a little wordy, but I did originally write a longer version of this post (brevity isn't a virtue of mine). Maybe I'll post it over in the journal section. Until then, hello everyone; I'm really glad that this level of support exists, & I hope holding myself accountable helps me get my life back.
     
    maidn, Oct 31, 2017
    maidn, Oct 31, 2017
    #1
    2525 and LEPAGE like this.
  2. Oct 31, 2017 #2
    doubledave

    doubledave Fapstronaut

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    This is interesting. Just by reading different stories up here... it has a lot of therapeutic effect. I work in health myself and I hv argued about effects of chronic porn/masturbation with colleagues and no one agrees. Good something like this exists where we can open it all up and then recover. The first step is the biggest one. Welcome. Am only here for 4 days myself
     
    doubledave, Oct 31, 2017
    doubledave, Oct 31, 2017
    #2
    2525 likes this.
  3. Oct 31, 2017 #3
    Eternal Fire

    Eternal Fire Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Heyo! Welcome and congrats on taking this first step! There's quite a fair share of lengthy posts around here so I wouldn't worry about it. It's better to get all your thoughts out than to let feelings wallow and manifest. I'm also relatively new here and I've found being active helps out a lot.
     
    Eternal Fire, Oct 31, 2017
    Eternal Fire, Oct 31, 2017
    #3
    2525 likes this.
  4. Oct 31, 2017 #4
    Rein

    Rein Fapstronaut

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    So just to be clear was is just watching porn that brought on these symptoms or porn combined with masterbation?
     
    Rein, Oct 31, 2017
    Rein, Oct 31, 2017
    #4
  5. Nov 4, 2017 #5
    LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    Welcome aboard. I complement you writing, as your post was very well written. Good luck, and Godspeed. We're here if you need help.
     
    LEPAGE, Nov 4, 2017
    LEPAGE, Nov 4, 2017
    #5
  6. Nov 4, 2017 #6
    BranDonewithPorn4ever

    BranDonewithPorn4ever Fapstronaut

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    Welcome and congrats on making the decision to do something! I was wondering, are you still going to write Erotica? Is it your main source of income?
     
    BranDonewithPorn4ever, Nov 4, 2017
    BranDonewithPorn4ever, Nov 4, 2017
    #6
    LEPAGE likes this.
  7. Nov 4, 2017 #7
    DainTrinity

    DainTrinity Fapstronaut

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    I've been an off-again, on-again writer for many years (though I mainly do editing, fantasy narrative and poetry, dabbling in technical writing and creative non-fiction). Writing as a career can be extremely difficult, I can understand that struggle. Welcome to NoFap, I hope your journey serves you well. If you want to talk about writing in general, I'm definitely up for it.
     
    DainTrinity, Nov 4, 2017
    DainTrinity, Nov 4, 2017
    #7
  8. Nov 5, 2017 #8
    BranDonewithPorn4ever

    BranDonewithPorn4ever Fapstronaut

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    My partner is a writer and we founded a writing business together (I don't write much, just handle other aspects of the business) so I've seen a lot of the struggle first-hand. She's currently working on a novel which she claims is just for fun... but we all know she really wants to work towards getting it published. And I certainly don't envy her on that path, but I have no doubt her writing is good enough.

    I definitely hope you stick around and share more with us all. I wouldn't be the only one who would appreciate skilled writers take on this whole situation.
     
    BranDonewithPorn4ever, Nov 5, 2017
    BranDonewithPorn4ever, Nov 5, 2017
    #8
    LEPAGE likes this.

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