Checking in, not counting days. I had a dream of naked girls and play with sex organs. It felt good, and interestingly, I was M-ing in the dream and other M me in the dream, but my real body did not ejaculate. It is interesting to observe what is my brain doing and how it remembered of M. Otherwise life is good. Too much starcraft2 to compensate for busy schedule.
28 days and things are going good. Looking forward to the mystical 30 day mark this weekend. Interesting development is that my penis is more sensitive now. The least little sensation, and it's right to attention. Feeling like I'm in junior high or high school again.
Congratulations on your successes and your growing strength and wisdom! Checking in. Life is rough. But I'll manage. Stay strong everybody! /Baldur
I'm on Day 30. Not too worried or anxious about making it through the day despite my current mood. And that's the key for me. I am determined to not let my mood be my excuse or rationalization for a relapse. Last night I was cooking dinner for my wife since she was working late. As I'm cooking, an escort texts me asking if I have time to see her. At first I deleted the text without responding. After the third one, I responded with a simple, "No time this week, sorry." That ended the texting. Then when my wife gets home, I'm basically ignored. Tried to hug/kiss a welcome, and was met with cold indifference. Tried to joke about snuggling and making out on the couch after dinner. Was told, "after I get done what I need to get done." Not much conversation during dinner. After dinner she proceeds to bake cupcakes, up until I go to bed. As she's baking, I watched a movie. Invited her several times to join me, and it was "no, I have to finish these cupcakes." I went out to the kitchen to get some ice cream to eat with my movie. I got the death stare, and a comment, "I worry about your health. I know you're not as bad as some guys like your brother (who's grossly obese), but I worry about your health." No idea when she came to bed, because I fell asleep before she came upstairs. Not much interaction this morning before we both left work. And believe me, I tried to have a conversation with her -- about her aloofness and the distance I felt last night when I just wanted to be connected. So, despite feeling rejected and insulted and uncared for by the woman I admire, I will not use porn, I will not masturbate, and I will not contact the escort who would gladly spend an hour comforting me in a situation like this. And for today, I'm not doing this for my wife...I'm doing it for me.
Congratulation on your progress! It's the best way you will rekindle the romance with your wife and things will get better further. I know it's sometimes really complicated with women but try to have conversation with her to know why she's acting this way.
Congrats on your discipline sir! I really respect you for making the decision to not give up despite your current feelings or situation. I emphatise with what you say and if I was in your shoes probably I would feel and react exactly like you. What I want to say is: Maybe you want to look closer at what you are doing in your life. I`m saying this because life has proved to me that every action I do is like a boomerang throwed in the Univers and you never know from where it can come back with higher power than you throwed it. For example: if you give love, you will recive love (at certain time, place and from a certain person). I advice you to look closer at what you are doing or did. Maybe you neglected someone and as a result it turns back against you. Congrats again on your discipline! #beTHEwarrior