Paradiseisthegoal

Hey GOOD PEOPLE! I am Gerard, and I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for a VERY long time. I can remember seeing my first porn video, back when I was around 9-10 years old. I didn't understand why I was so drawn to it, but I know that I am not happy, and I know that I need help.
I am a very spiritual man. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses, and I love to teach people about the Bible and about God's promises for a bright and peaceful future. But, when I succumb to this addiction, I find myself so low spiritually that it becomes hard to even pray, let alone find it in myself to help anyone else. I feel so worthless and shameful, as if Jehovah could never love a person like me, especially after a binge period. But, I am DETERMINED to fight back, to stand strong, and to use His strength as well as the support of this community of people that can relate to my struggle.
I am a married man, with 3 stepkids. Me and my wife don't have a healthy sexual relationship. There are times when we go more than 2 months without sex, even longer. I get frustrated, I try to communicate with her about it, I try to control my urges, but eventually I give in to the urges and it sends me on a downward spiral or PMO. I HATE IT! I know that it isn't her fault though, because this addiction has started previous to me and her relationship. I know that the answer isn't simply having sex with my wife, its being able to control myself, to reboot my mind to not associate happiness with PMO. I just need help, and through the love and spirit of Jehovah, and the people in this community I believe that I can do what I need to do to beat this addiction forever.