Day 0. I am doing well, I haven’t wanted to do PMO for a while. I hope I can take myself farther away from those types of thoughts.
Day 10/21. Yesterday cravings were tough. Started slipping online and searching for the YouTube channel where I saw the video that led me to reset last time, and looked at less P-Subby videos by them, but stopped myself from looking at the really P-Subby stuff. Likewise, wasn't perfect with the ogling. But I have now realised it's been a full month (31 days) since the last time I M'd! That's the most I've ever gone without MO! I'd say that's progress, even if I'm feeling serious cravings to do it.
Day 11/21. Cravings were also tough yesterday. Was lazy at working on the ogling and in the evening found myself with very strong cravings circling around the video that I last reset because of - I went back to the channel and related channels and was watching as many of their less P-Subby videos as I could find, without going for the one that *really* triggered me the last time. It's becoming a regular thing to feel these cravings and feelings of frustration every night at the moment, I'm entering new territory having not M'd in 32 days, and my inner addict is trying its best to remind me of it. I really hope that if I push through and just keep saying no then the cravings will eventually fade away, as at the moment sometimes my mind is running in circles asking the question "why do I have to bother?", feeling like it's held hostage and not able to experience the pleasure it wants while others are. Totally illogical thinking, but I can't seem to avoid getting caught up in it at the moment.
1 day back on the clock. Don't want to curse it, but been pretty good. Bit of temptation, but nothing much really. Feeling back in a certain amount of control. Also now have the 'Sober Time' counter on my phone, which I quite like. Has goals and things, a bit like on here, but shows you them as a percentage of each one etc, whilst counting in real time. Quite a good visual way of showing it all. Did try and get the 'I Am Sober' app, recommended by a friend, but it is not available where I am. Will have to wait until I am in a different country and then will try again.