You said you've been through abusive relationships, so not the best advice. Might need to reconsider your options.
No one is disputing any of this, I'm well aware of his struggles. The point I'm making is, if his goal is to start the process as you say, then he should simply continue dialogue with her until their relationship develops to a point where 1) he can confirm whether she's single or not 2) clarify if she's also interested in him 3) be comfortable in their interactions enough to get her number instead of passing her his card. I understand that he has social anxiety but giving her his card could send the wrong message. Case in point: the women in this very thread telling him not to do so. Literally free advice from the target demographic....
No no no. His goal is to break out of his comfort zones as soon as possible. There's no way he will be able to follow through with the process you've described. Just handing over his card will be difficult. Crash and burn get this one out of the way and continue to a point where he can get to the process you described with other girls. In my opinion of course. Also this is excellent examples of why you don't take dating advice from girls or the target demographics
I can promise you that I never once called a guy who gave me their business card, nor will I ever for anything outside of professional business. I'd rather have a guy take risks, because to me, that shows confidence and the fact that I am important enough to go all in for. Many women are the same. Just talk to them.
^^Am I going in circles Seems like it, the point is you got to give advice in CONTEXT with the circumstances. Do I think the direct approach is best? Of course. . . do I think this guy is capable of that now? No. Look what you're advocating is some guy who plays the violin in his home once every two weeks -if that - to step out in front of a packed audience and give a virtuoso performance. Not happening. Also, there is no evidence this girl even likes him. What he has described here, is the SAME interactions I have with the girl at McDonalds. Girl: What do you want? Me: Hamburger and fries (said rather confidently and business like LOL) ^^NO... Nothing is happening here. His goal is to get over the anxiety and make progress. Even the handing over of a business card which will most likely result in nothing is something. ATM this is not about her or whether he even has a chance with her, it is about HIM.
The Atman, I support you on your journey, regardless of what I think you should/shouldn't do. You have the courage and strength, and you're killing it! Keep up the good work and go with your gut! Can't wait for the next part of the story
@tweeby He has to tell her anyway what the purpose of his card will be, so whats the point in giving the card? Simply giving her the card without context will confuse her or what's your plan in detail? If he needs some practice in getting out of the comfort zone, he should start greeting people on the street or in his neighbourhood A simple "Good morning" will do it and then he should start greeting them with a smile, the goal should be that they smile back because of you And if he needs to practice looking people into their eyes, he might train that by looking into his teachers or boss' eyes I meet a lot of people who don't know which eye to look at but I notice that, so just decide for one eye, if you can't decide I'm telling you take the right one from your point of view (still, don't stare, sometimes you might look somewhere else, not her chest)
Yeah this is all about overcoming the RGTs (Real-Girl Terrors) and involves next to nil about scoring a date at this stage. @tweeby, @Notmandy and everyone else who has contributed something positive, thanks for your support. I realise that handing over a business card will leave the ball in her court and no, she would probably not act on the idea of calling or emailing me. However, it would give her a better idea of who I am and what I do, which is something positive. She might be on today. I don't know what to do--suggestions welcome.
P.S. Why not just SHOW her my business card? Why hand it over if I know there's not going to be any database development requirements (or any other variety of IT support) needed from her side?
I get your motivation, but tell me your plan: What do you plan to do? How are you going to give her your business card? I'm asking because there are people who have an idea or hope but no concrete plan and they want to develop it on the spot but they don't get an opening and miss the chance
I haven't thought of that yet. Like I said, I could always just SHOW her my business card at some stage, and I don't think there's any "window of opportunity" I'm trying to somehow get through before it's too late. I agree that it would be a cop-out, you know: I'd actually rather give her my number after getting hers (if she happens to be inclined to give it to me). I think if I ask her out and get a response (Yes or No), it will be "Mission Accomplished." My second-last girlfriend was an abuser twice my age and really horrible; I'm still recovering from all the emotional trauma. The RGTs (Real-Girl Terrors) are a separate matter from the way I handle bullies, though. Don't worry, I'm taking this one easy, no stress. All I know is, I like this girl. And I want her to know that, too.
Bro, youre saying that you havent thought about it yet, but you want to show it to her at SOME stage. What kinda stage are you talking about? And you want to SOMEHOW get through?? This is exactly what I was talking about xD Well you are her customer therefore she'll treat you professionally and the chance of her giving you her number without you radiating a lot of confidence is pretty low. You have to show her that you're more than a regular customer by telling her that you are attracted to her and that you'd like to know more about her and that you'd like to ask her for her number. You don't want to feel the disappointment of not talking to her anymore, do you? @tweeby you don't have to tell me that he has anxiety, I know it already. Instead of repeating that he has anxiety and support his anxiety try to motivate him that he is able to do what he wants! Quote Obama: YES WE CAN!!!
I'm sorry, but the "tough-love," hardcore approach isn't going to work for you with me, and you seem to be turning into less and less of a helpful person and more and more of a troll. You obviously lack confidence in me, so how the hell are you going to help me at all, if that is even your aim? This thread is about ME overcoming anxiety, not YOU doing it for me. Leave the rest to me, and be warned, if you poke your nose into my business the consequences are gonna be dire. Post again here on this thread, or ever call me "bro" again, @ContinueFight, and I will report you.
...and from watching too many "game" videos, right? This ass-hat doesn't have a clue. I'll keep you guys updated.
Just some thoughts here in regards to The Atman. First off, I know your position all to well and have these issues with anxiety myself. There were a few times in the past when I was infatuated with sadly, I have no love interests of my own right now, so maybe I'll live vicariously through you and your story. Best of luck mate
I've put @ContinueFight on my Ignore list for now. Maybe one day he will learn some respect. Thanks @Righthandman76, your input is valued here. Well, it was short and sweet today... me and the girl mutually ignored each other as usual until I found occasion to show her my ear-stud. She seemed quite interested and asked me if I'd had it pierced in the store, to which I told her that it had been pierced some years ago, and I just needed something to fill the hole. Retail therapy, anyone? I know chicks dig that s***. M wears a bit of gold around her neck, which suits her well. However, I'm undecided as to whether to go further with this. I told two NoFap contacts of mine that it was a long shot, and so it is proving to be.