If you can't get girls in real life, what's the point?

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

You see, I couldn't just go to some girl and start "pick up" them or get friends.
My social skills were in terrible shape (I had no subject to talk or hobby), but I decided to do something with this.

I started to read some motivational books, some articles on the internet etc.
I can tell what I learn - Courage comes from pretending that you are brave.
Nothing less, nothing more. More you will pretend that you're brave, the braver you will be.

Don't think about girls. Think "how to be better version of yourself". Girls will be coming in meanwhile.

 

Hi Brighton, I think the fact you found your way to this forum and are giving it a go shows that you're not happy and see this as a possible solution.
There are many benefits to choosing not to fap. You are gaining a lot of wasted time and energy, and when you string a couple weeks together it can give you a mental boost knowing that you have overcome an addiction.
We all have to start from somewhere. By redirecting your time and energy you can learn so much. Pick up a hobby, read books on how to improve your social skills. Join a club where you're likely to meet people. The list is endless when you are freed from the trap of this degenerative habbit.

Read all you can, good luck.

 

@kkbrighton,

To start going out, take your headphones, plug your MP3 Player or phone and just play your favourite music. Even if it's raining, if there's storm - go out. The more you do this, it will be easier each time. You don't need to interact with anybody at this time.
After some time, leave your headphones in home and go out to small talk with people (like "Nice weather today.", "You have really nice shirt, where did you buy it?"). If you want to start, the best option is go out and search for particular place like pub. Just go out, go to someone and ask for directions ("Where can I found pub here?"). It's small thing, but does good for me. Do it for week or less, and you will see the difference.

Stay strong.

 

Ya, just focus on improving yourself and your life in all areas for now. Let the months of nofap start piling up and things will start coming together for you. Granted it won't fix your shyness or lack of confidence completely. But just keep at it and things will improve all around for you.

Btw, I hate pickup, but this one Don Juan named Pook had alot of wisdom when it came to women and dating. You won't find knowledge like this in self help books,

The Book of Pook

 

Gym
Coffee shops
Bars
Mall
Outside anywhere
Fuck tv, fuck Internet

It's a paradox, you watch porn because you can't get girls but you can't get girls because you watch porn. Only one you can control, porn

I myself am addicted and a virgin as well, due to PIED that happened anytime I was with a girl. Fuckk this shit.

Books: power of now, flow, the war or art, 7 habits, tony Robbins, anything by Alan watts especially the wisdom of insecurity.

 

What do you do for work? Maybe you could start a college course, to grow and meet people. That's a big reason why people go, as well as the actual studying. It's a change of course in life and a chance for a fresh start. I agree with the other guys about getting out and about, just try to get out in your local neighborhood. To much time spent inside on your own is only going to lead to inner termoil and thinking things over far too much. It's not such a scary world the more practice you get with it. A lot of life comes down to practice and habits.

Yeah listen to some Offspring when you're out and about, they're music carried a lot of messages about how to live your life and how not to. I totally love them and whenever I'm fucking up they tend to put me right.

Good luck man.

 

Hey kkbrighton,

The first step to getting a life is to daydream. Get out of your house if you need to, go to a nice cafe or a Starbucks somewhere, bring a pen and paper or notebook, and just think about all the amazing things you want to do with your life. I don't believe you when you say there's nothing at all that interests you. That's just you being lazy.

The second step is to really just go and do whatever it is you wrote down that seems to jump out at you the most. It doesn't even have to involve people at all. It can be something simple like going for a walk every day. Or learning an instrument if that's your kinda thing. Or reading a book and trying to make a plan to put into practice what you learn. Find something you want to do and go do it, and quit making excuses not to do it.

Life isn't going to walk by and drop things into your lap while you sit around waiting. You actually need to do something to get a life. Fix your own life, then maybe other people might want to come by and share it with you. If you don't even have a life in the first place, nobody is obliged to come by and bring you into theirs.

I know I sound pretty harsh. But I think that the attitude that you have towards life really needs some work.

 

well, I'm not too sure what to say. I'm kind of in the same situation.

-shy with girls and guys, not too much of a social life, never really dated a girl, ect.
Most people also get the wrong vibe from me because they think i'm mad, but, really thats just my face, lol.

yea, I agree with what everybody up top is saying.

go out, if your not fit, work out (that attracts girls, it's also something to do outside the house).

I've never tried this myself, but, if you are looking for a relationship, sex, and experience; its possible you can try a dating site or something.

I hoped I helped a little.

 

I bet you have a lot of worries man. A lot of negative feelings of fear that stop you from accomplishing things. When you imagine heading out and beginning to interact do you get overwhelmed by how hard and stress full the situation will be?

As a previously extremely quiet, lonesome porn and game addict I would find it amazing to know what I know now which is that anything is not that hard to accomplish when you realize you only have to challenge yourself a little. Picking up girls is hard sure, but challenging yourself next time you see a girl and think "she would think I'm creep if I said hi" to instead think "you know I probably could say hi to her" is not that difficult. And when you finally and inevitably think that hey yeah I probably could say hi it's not that much of a leap to actually say hi. From there things just progress, and it's a better feeling than lieing to yourself and making yourself feel things that aren't true.

I've brought out many quiet mates, not to socialize but to "only" play a couple rounds of pool, or have a quick coffee at a caffee that kinda just led to them unknowingly socializing just a little and eventually realizing oh hey I can socialize...look how much better I am at it and I didn't really do anything.

I've seen mates decide to be dessy driver to the pub on occasion that have realized oh hey shit I can have fun and party without being drunk and just kinda of dropped their alcoholic tenancies.

The trick for me is just doing a little bit, and when it's oh so hard to begin with I start by simply correcting myself when I think of negative things and telling myself.

Anyhoo so I'm very social these days. But I feel for you in your situation. I often need some sort of starting point (meeting people through work or sports) to begin to even get out there. But from there it's easy for me to make friends.

Best of luck man, if you have any questions about anything send me a message! I'd love it I hardly interact with people here enough.

 

You can change bro. Baby step it.

 

Being stuck in the house is one of the worst things you can do. You are stuck inside and left alone with your lingering thoughts of depression and what not. What you need is to go outside, get some sun, and get some vitamin D.

It's true what everyone else is saying. It all starts with yourself; make a better version of your current self,what you always wanted to be. There are many things you can do outside;

-workout at a gym (ask people questions about lifting, just say a simple hello to women, get ripped/more energetic)
-run at a park (I see a lot of people there and say hello; plus the eye candy is amazing)
-listen to some good tunes (pumps you up for anything in life)
-Invest in some good clothes (women love a well dressed man) (I've had women come up to me at the mall telling me how they like my style, suspenders, tie) (There! Just started a conversation)
-Go window shopping (Even if you don't shop, being around people makes me feel alive; plus you can see if there are possible sales coming soon)
-Find a hobby you like: mine is cycling, I met a lot of people through a cycling get-together called Critical Mass and rebelliously ride around downtown.
-Sign up for school if you want (Get an education-2 year degree, random class, or whatever; on the plus side there's a lot of women)
-Go to a bookstore (ask people about books: if they can give recommendations etc,. )

If you are stuck inside for some reason, please don't waste your time on T.V. or the internet, unless it's something productive. I don't even watch T.V. anymore or have cable for that matter. Very rarely use social media.

Things to do inside your house
-Jump rope for 10 minutes every morning
-Clean the house, dishes, mow the lawn, do some exercises like push ups/ab exercises (Youtube)
-Clean your car, save money, learn something new (science, historically, or financial)
-Cook or learn to cook
-Make a to do list or a list of future goals in life.
-Summary: Become more knowledgeable, have stability, and know where you want to go. Once you have all that, the females and confidence will follow. (You get asked a question, you will know it, have confidence to respond, and women respond very well to a man who knows where he wants to be in the future. Hopefully this can help start up your journey,I wish you luck.

 

Do you seriously think the point of your life is to "get girls"?

What the hell, man.


We are not here, trying to quit PMO, to "get girls" or avoid ED. We are here because PMO is a waste of time and time is the most precious thing we have.


Quit wasting your own time. Quit PMO, quit watching TV, quit surfing Internet mindlessly. Do something useful with your life. You don't need to go out a lot, earn crapload of money, become a party animal or have sex with hundreds of girls to be "successful". You are only successful if you do something good for yourself and for people around you, if you are at peace with yourself.


Go and plant a tree. It's a good start.

Then do more good things.


Soon, doing good things will become your new habit and you will see that people around you start to notice you. Girls too. Maybe even the girl of your dreams.


I'm not talking out of my ass, I'm introvert myself but one day I decided that I don't want to go on like that.
Thousands of people did a change like this in their lives, there's no excuse for us to not do the same.


Best of luck, mate.

 

peregrinnus and the rest of people here are right , just get out , in fact right after this i am going to go out as well , in my view one of the best places to visit and think and find yourself is in the museum around good works of art. Walk around look for beauty in everyday life. It will take time to tune in to the real world and not be so caught up in desire and your obsession with satisfying yourself / dealing with life with the dick in hand.

As for the post "if you cant get in real life, whats the point ?" If you you cant love yourself there is no way you are going to let someone else love you. Forget finding love, learn to love yourself make your mind a fertile place where love can grow. It will happen .. Belive in the higher powers that balance everything out. I believe in can't handle a relationship so my struggle apart from the porn addiction is to make myself ready and mature enough emotionally to handle a relationship. Once you do that mental conditioning you just wait , walk around look and pray that you ll meet that someone. Lets pray we all find love ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu47peLCKD8

lets all pray for each others happiness.

 

"Once you do that mental conditioning you just wait , walk around look and pray that you ll meet that someone. Lets pray we all find love .... "

I disagree with that. If you want to be with a nice girl..you go and find her. You don't just wait hoping it comes to you, or else you might wait a long time, it may even never come.

 

I know its hard to stop obsessing about not having or getting any attention from women but you have to put yourself above everything else. Even women. Where you are is at the beginning of the hardest path you're ever going to walk down and once you get going you're going to love it. Do you have a job? If not get one. You need money. Start going to the gym or buy some kettle bells and get your health in control. Start implementing little changes everyday, like dietary choices and walking everyday. Start with pretending to be confident by just throwing smiles at every woman you walk by, just a big confident smile. I guarantee after a few days or weeks you're going to let slip a Hi or Hello. Groom yourself everyday, and buy nice clothes. Focus on you and your strengths. Strengthen your strengths and you will become more interesting to people around you when they see how passionate you are about life. Being a man means taking care of your life and focusing on what you need to do to get through it. Have confidence in your abilities and don't bow down to women. A good life comes from positive choices you make now. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and change shit up.

 

kkbrighton
let me give you an example of your logic
let's say somebody is obese and can't play basketball
then they say: I was never good at basketball anyway, so why does it matter if i'm obese
do you feel my point?
being obese is bad for your health. so is masturbation.
and you're saying that you don't care about your health because you can't get girls.
They're two different things.
Girls is secondary in your life. You can live without them. Sure, you're biologically attracted to them, just like some people are attracted to money, fame, fancy cars, fashion. But you don't need them in your life.
What you need in your life is a purpose. Something for you to live for, that benefits not only yourself but other people.
You asked which self help book you should read. I say start with The Way of the Superior Man. This should help you point in the right direction of finding a purpose.
Good luck bro. Leave your hands off that penis.