Prostitution

I find it pessimistic that you assume hard mode is not an option or against (biological?) will. Perhaps it is, or perhaps it isn't. But aren't you just giving yourself an excuse or motivation to put the time and energy you previously invested into porn now into prostitutes?

As a reader, to me it seems like replacing one drug with another.

That you feel a need to explicitly mention that you're a faithful Christian to me also sounds a bit like you're saying 'I know prostitution is bad, but I mean well'. Won't visiting a prostitute make a porn relapse also more likely?

 

Thanks for opening a thread for that. From my experience, getting sex for money worsens anxiety and social self-isolation a lot. Even probably more than porn does. I need several weeks to recover from that. Subsequently it gets more difficult to get to know a woman if you are single. Also, when I see other punters, I can immediately see on their faces how insecure and anxious they are. I believe, that solicitation is a cause to isolation not the remedy.

 

Well said sir!

 

I would not consider using the services of a prostitute as a viable option towards healing/recovery.

 

That's an interesting point. I read some stuff on heroin addiction and how methadone can be used from an article written by a former heroin addict. Here are quotes that you may find interesting from the it: (some names of drugs removed in case that helps anyone struggling with a drug addiction who is reading this.)

• "Heroin detox with prescription medication

Some heroin addicts decide to go to a ... or Methadone clinic. There are mixed opinions on the effectiveness of this practice. Some experts cite a significant reduction in the rates of relapse. Others note that the person is simply swapping one addiction for another.
I wonder if these experts have heard the phone calls I’ve received from men and women desperate to get off maintenance medications. The withdrawal symptoms, particularly in the case of Methadone, are more severe than heroin (see opiate withdrawal timeline chart above)."

I've heard people on here talk about the troubles they've had with exchanging porn addiction for prostitution addiction, and I wonder if there really is a way to indulge in moderation. There's also another section that sounds a little bit more like what you're proposing.

• "Heroin detox “warm-turkey”

Many heroin addicts attempt this method with minimal success. The term “warm-turkey” refers to the use of lesser drugs, like ... or weaker opiates, to taper off of heroin.
The problem with this approach is a drug addict usually ends up abusing both heroin and the lesser drug. That happened to me when I tried to quit IV heroin by using ..., a drug from the ... family.
I also tried using ..., commonly known on the street as “...” or “...”, to quit heroin. This method also failed miserably.
I’ve never heard of this practice working. The only stories I’ve heard are ones similar to mine, where the problem was compounded by adding an additional substance to the mix."

In the end, he suggests two options, which you may be interested in reading. http://www.discoveryplace.info/quit-heroin-comprehensive-guide-heroin-recovery

You are, of course, free to pursue whatever course you decide, but I disagree with the premise you are currently operating on.
Nobody needs an orgasm. I say that as someone who has laid in bed, paced the room, done pushups, watched TV, etc. for hours in efforts to avoid relapsing, but in the end, usually relapsed. I didn't relapse because I had to. I relapsed because I chose to, rather than endure the discomfort.

When it comes to PMO addiction, everyone has a breaking point if they believe that they have a breaking point. But if someone had held a gun to the head of a loved one and told me they would shoot if I P, M, or O'ed at all, I believe that I would have been strong enough, even if the urge didn't subside. It just has to matter enough to make the decision. If it doesn't matter enough to you, solve that problem and success will follow.

I could go off on another tangent, but I think I'll end with this quote that I find really inspiring instead.

“The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness." (Pope Benedict XVI)

 

Not at all.

No professional/recovery expert would condone this.

 

Nice post!

 

Prostitution is like the oldest profession in the world they say right? There is some novelty to trading a yak or pair of slippers for some sex in the old days, but prostitutes with 10 customers a week is pretty gross if you think about it. It's a money move, love and sex are monetised anno 2017.

I would personally toss a girls salad, eat her out good, not to mention french kissing... something like long foreplay or intimate sex takes hygiene. I guess you have these high companionship prostitutes that also shower with you and stuff like that but meh.

Prostitution is like a step up from masturbation or flesh light or whatever.

 

My experience as a wife of a man who escalated from porn to prostitutes --- my perspective is this is extremely harmful to a relationship. He chose sneaking around, 3 secret cell phones, a hidden life, etc., while all I wanted was more intimacy (and yes, more sex). The planning and prepping gave him dopamine rushes, I'm sure. He deprived me of intimacy and a loving sex life b/c of his addiction. It rips our hearts out.

He said afterwards (seeing whores) that he felt great shame. I can't see how that would help a sex addict at all.

Porn addiction often escalates - sometimes to sex chats, web cams, and more - including prostitution (easily available at "massage parlors" everywhere).

 

Lol 3 secret cellphones... dude was bustin all kinds of nut. It's a crime he didn't even touch you, it wasn't like you weren't horny. He rather got himself used women instead? Damn. What a douche no offense! Guys are such wimps these days.

 

Yeah, everyone who brings something like this up always gets an avalanche of advice, personal stories, etc. None of us here are saints (if we were, we'd be dead) but we're all working our way there, or away from there.

In my post, I was careful to avoid the word motivation, but I see why you referred to it, since most people do use that word (if that's a response to me.) 'Motivation' really doesn't work. It's all based on feelings, and feelings get all jumbled up and aren't any use when urges strike. It's fine short term, but when you're most in need, it deserts you. What I'm talking about is a decision, and many more decisions to follow the original decision. I think discipline would be the right word for what I'm talking about.
It's late where I am, so that could be a part of it, but I don't think I understand what you're saying here

What are your thoughts on nonsexual releases of energy/sources of pleasure? I've found that when I commit to regular exercise, my urges may not go down right away, but I feel a greater ability to move past them. It's like I've filled the 'need' for sexual gratification with something different, so even though I still have a desire for sex/PMO, I don't feel like I need it to fill an emptiness or a need inside of me, but just as something that I would enjoy. I don't know if that's because of endorphins or something else.

Another thing I started doing a little while ago is a weekly treat. Just something I enjoy. Every Saturday or Sunday, I'll go kayaking, sit outside in the sun, take a nap, or something else. The idea behind doing these things is that I PMO because life can really suck sometimes, even if nothing bad is really going on, so I take some time and make it special. That way my mood is better and I realize that there really, truly are enjoyable things out there for me, besides sex.

 

Brother, I almost made a mistake a few hours ago, when I contacted a prostitute I saw last year. I'll call it a mistake because I would consider getting a sollicitation out of a urge. I'm in my 2 week without PMO and I woke up today lonely as fuck, just craving for any sort of attention. I'm pretty sure If I had meet a prostitute, It would had been a relapse. But interesting discussion you brought up to the table. If you do it in a proper way (not out of a urge), why can't you take advantage of the possibility of emulating real sex? I just had an ideia of planning myself to hire this sort of services and simply tell the person my problem, and how I'm using it to try to improve my condition. That would be a very singular experience. Thanks for the insight bro. If I do it I'll make sure I write something about here.

 

Not necessarily true. Some escorts enjoy their job. Others like the lifestyle that the job brings.

 

@Wakeem: I am currently on a 15-day streak. My last relapse was because I solicited a prostitute. I am writing all these just so you know I am by no means a saint nor do I want to tell anyone what's the right thing to do in this situation. To be honest, I don't know what the right course of action is. In fact, since yesterday I've been battling with urges. My purpose here is to tell you my own relationship with prostitution and hopefully help you (and me) reach our own conclusions.

For the past 3-4 years, I think porn for me was a type self-medication to avoid soliciting prostitutes. I'm not sure if my porn or prostitute addiction started first and the soul searching necessary for solving this chicken-or-egg question is beyond the scope of this post. I wish I could tell you that the reason I was trying to avoid prostitutes was a moral one (I'm a Christian myself), but it was mostly because of financial and social reasons. And, of course, shame. Some background first: in my current country of residence prostitution is legal, unless of course one is forced into prostitution. Unfortunately, this is such a grey area it is nigh impossible to establish if a woman is forced into prostitution or not. Even women that are convinced that want to do this, might have been victims of abuse in an earlier age or might have been "groomed" into becoming prostitutes their whole lives. Again, I wish I could tell you that this would stop me from soliciting a prostitute should I relapse in the near future, but I'm afraid it won't. Now, just to be clear, I don't believe prostitution should be illegal: Nature is ruthless and as such, human beings that are physically deformed, crippled or plain old will find it very difficult becoming intimate with another human being. I am by no means implying that there are no exceptions to this rule and I admire people that manage to see the true beauty of another human being behind ones' deformities. In fact, if I ever want to overcome this addiction I will have to be more like that myself. However, at times prostitutes are the ones that become intimate with these fellow humans of ours and I find this a noble act. Now, you and me, are also handicapped: we are socially crippled and emotionally deformed. I came to realize that the reason I'm visiting prostitutes is because I don't feel good enough for (or worthy of) a "normal" relationship. You can't grow a new limb. Repairing a facial disfigurement takes years of surgeries upon surgeries and, even then, the results can be disappointing. We live longer, but we don't get younger. Our emotional deformities, on the other hand, can actually heal. Again, it takes years and effort and pain and it leaves scars behind, but, it's the kind of scars that make us beautiful. I know it sounds cliché and I almost can't believe it my self: I'm a 36-year old that has been paying for sex half of his life. I still don't believe any "normal" person (especially a woman) will see anything great in me in that I kicked the habit. But, I've been doing this 18 years now and it has created nothing but trouble for me, in more than one area in my life. So, it doesn't hurt giving cold turkey a shot and if it doesn't work out for me, hey: it's the oldest profession in the world, I'm pretty sure they'll be around five years from now.

PS: If you think you'll waste less time with a hooker than with porn, I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you: Provided that you make an appointment over the internet, you will first do a 1-2 hour research to find someone that fills your needs. Then, you'll have to make an appointment and go there. Even if you don't waste time ruminating over it (which I always did), it'll be at least four hours of your day.

PSS: As a person that has been in two long-term relationships where sex was an integral part of them, I will have to admit that comparing sex with a hooker to sex (not even making love) to a person you can be vulnerable with, it's like comparing playing a racing simulator on a 15-year old game console to flying a real-life fighter jet (... I think. I never flew a fighter jet and I was really crappy on racing games)

 

"The vast majority escape from themselves. But by escaping from yourself, you have become dependent. Dependence grows stronger, escapes more essential, in proportion to the fear of "what is". The wife, the book, the radio, become extraordinarily important; escapes come to be all-significant, of the greatest value. I use my wife as a means of running away from myself, so I am attached to her. I must possess her, I must not lose her; and she likes to be possessed, for she is also using me. There is a common need to escape, and mutually we use each other. This usage is called love. You do not like what you are, and so you run away from yourself, from what is.

Have you ever tried to be alone? When you do try, you will feel how extraordinarily difficult it is and how extraordinarily intelligent we must be to be alone, because the mind will not let us be alone. The mind becomes restless, it busies itself with escapes, so what are we doing? We are trying to fill this extraordinary void with the known. We discover how to be active, how to be social; we know how to study, how to turn on the radio. We are filling that thing which we do not know with the things we know.

We try to fill that emptiness with various kinds of knowledge, relationship or things. Is that not so? That is our process, that is our existence. Now when you realize what you are doing, do you still think you can fill that void? You have tried every means of filling this void of loneliness. Have you succeeded in filling it? You have tried cinemas and you did not succeed and therefore you go after your gurus and your books or you become very active socially.

Have you succeeded in filling it or have you merely covered it up? If you have merely covered it up, it is still there; therefore it will come back. If you are able to escape altogether then you are locked up in an asylum or you become very, very dull. That is what is happening in the world."

- J. Krishnamurti, Commentaries on Living Series I Chapter 75 Fear and Escape

 

Did a feminist make that quote? lmao In all realness, I use prostitutes once in a while, and it sure as hell beats PMO by a mile or two. You just can't compare real sex with PMO folks.