I'm not doing Hard Mode. I'm married, I love her, and that's just the way it is. However, as a casual observation today, I've had images from porn that really excited me, bubble up like the fizz in a champagne flute. Is it because it's day 3, or is it because even relationship appropriate sex is a trigger? If so, if anyone here, with 30 days of porn sobriety, would care to answer; is there a way to combat that, or is this just one of those things time will have to straighten out? Thanks.
Uhmm this is a tricky one. You are not doing Hard Mode. I would recommend going Hard Mode. Why? Because you would be able to reboot completely, make a fresh start. And when you orgasm once again after your recovery process, your wife will be the owner of that feeling. And yes, you might be in the "Chaser Effect" part of the process. You aren't looking at porn anymore so your brain thinks about those pictures trying to get the same state of excitement when you were. Be strong. Don't fall into temptation. Do it for you and for her.
It's pretty normal to have those porn images still in the beginning. It took my bf about 4 weeks for the porn to leave his thoughts during sex. He started going more vanilla then. A lot of guys get the chaser effect you will just have to wake her up or solider on.
It's normal, just accept them and let them be. You will miss the PMO as you did it for so long, try stopping smoking or drinking stone cold and see how easy it is. Have intimacy and sex with her. Don't PMO. Give things time.v
When you O. You release endorphins into your brain. This happens when you masterbate, And when you have real sex. Your mind is taking the real sex you just had and telling your body that you need that rush. It will be difficult, but with time it can pass. I'm day 25 and having real sex definetly makes you feel like relapsing. But. With time and willpower, possibly a sig other. You can keep yourself from relapsing. The days are just drops in the river.
Hey man, Like you , I'm married, in deep love, and we've always enjoyed sex. I'm not advocating hard mode, as we're all on our own path, but I would say (10 days in) that if I wasn't in hard mode, I know I'd be finding life a whole lot more difficult. For now at least, it feels easier not to be doing or thinking anything sexual with her during my re-boot, than attempting to fully clear my head out whilst still doing those things.
I have the same problem. Read up on the Chaser Effect. If you understand it and know how it works, you will find it easier to overcome. The male body likes to orgasm. So when you have great sex with your wife, your body wants to orgasm again. Problem is your wife may not be available as a sexual outlet as much as you want her to be and porn is almost always available. It's a terrible dilemma. When do we want our wives more? After her period (a week of no sex)? Or the very next night after an evening of passionate sex? The answer will always be both. Although the answer is not so simple, when we have sexual urges and our wives are unable or unwilling, we have to accept that just because we're horny, our wives may not be. We have to overcome our selfishness and let the sexual urge pass. The longer we abstain from porn, the easier this becomes.
I sometimes get this but I just do not give in to it. It's like having a healthy wholesome meal and then afterwards you want to follow it up with a sickly, excessive, calorie laden desert. It doesn't happen as much but it's the trade off between wanting a healthy sex life but not going back to this stuff..
We are sexual beings. We're wired that way. It feels good. When I became addicted to sex to cover my pain and loss it became a drug not a part of my relationship w/ my wife. I get to choose, be in relationship w/ my wife, or w/ P. Sex, sex addiction, slippery slope. You get to choose. Yes at times it can be hard... stay here, stay in touch, I'm glad your here.