That is who I have been the past 4 months. After completing back to back 30+ day streaks I have been simply preaching nofap and how real sexually transmutation is. Yet in the dark I contradict my own word and relapse again and again. Longest streak I've had the past four months is 5 maybe 6 days. I have reached the point where I don't even trust myself. I tell myself alright this is IT. Our ninety day streak starts now, etc, etc. So at this point in time I am not even focused on tackling and deep diving into my sex addiction. First I have to learn how to trust myself. I am hoping this will help with that--- if you are reading this please do not hesitate to reach out-- I would love to hear some of your stories, tips, advice, etc.
So, do you understand why you failed? You’re right, you do need to be able to trust yourself. But, do you understand how your brain is working against you that makes this so difficult? Watch the backwards bicycle to get a visual representation of wanting to do something but having to un learn your addiction while learning new ways to cope and replace it. Saa has free group meetings, you can get accountability partners, if you can afford it counseling without a csat.
For me it is a matter of patterns. I'm usually aware of when I make the choice to follow the same pattern which leads to relapse evantually because we often are not as strong as we think we are with will power hence why eliminating distractions are so important. I've just reached the point where I am tired of my own bullshit which I think is the most powerful place to be, with correct management. I wouldn't mind an accountability buddy, but I can not afford one at the moment and even if I could I wouldn't pay for something like this. This is a journey that is solo. NO one is coming to save you or me or the next man down the line. Our accountability buddy is with Jesus Christ during prayer.
Accountability partners are not people you would pay for. My husband has 6 and not one is paid, they all hold each other accountable-iron sharpens iron, men need other men.