Day 2 I got the shopping done and reviewed the webinar as promised. The webinar was like six hours, so it took all night and I got to go to bed soon. One step at a time, but there are some other things I was hoping to get done tonight. The topic was on identifying inner trauma, so a heavy topic. I did run into an old friend briefly while shopping. She seemed a bit more... off. I don't know. Most of the people I used to be around have a lot of issues. On another note we can finally take masks off where I live now. After like... over two years. It was nice to walk around a store without it. I'm gonna get ready to head to bed now as I'm trying to keep to a bed time and been doing a killer job of going to bed and getting up on time, two things I historically struggle with. Gotta keep up momentum!
6 days Girls checked out: 0 This working well, I feel no chaser. I'm now also trying not to think about porn. Today is gym day so will be a challenge. Coffees: 3 Video games: 0 Cold shower: one yes, one no Well done @kaerhal
Day 383 no PMO. Had a good day yesterday. We are at a resort and my family and I were in the hot tub. It’s very hard to not quickly “check out” the bodies of the women I see. I obviously didn’t stare or fantasize but will there ever be a day when I don’t take a quick curious look? Changing topics… I have noticed (and my wife has noticed) that I complain a lot about service providers now. It’s like I’m some grumpy old man that is always complaining about something. I need to get that under control. I’m only 44 so if I’m already complaining like an old grouchy man now imagine how bad it will be by the time I’m actually old. It feels like a lot of people are having to reset lately. I’ll be praying for you guys. Try to stay strong. I know a lot of you guys are young and don’t have wives and families yet. It would be so much better if you kicked this thing before you have a wife. My wife was so disappointed in me when I finally came clean to her and it still has negative impact years later. Kick this thing now if you can.
Day 50 today. Dwarf. Mind becoming clearer and becoming a lot less impulsive, starting to feel normal now.
Dawn of the 1st day. It's been a porn roller coaster this past month. I made some more changes after yesterday mornings session. My desktop wallpaper now contains the St. Francis prayer and my browser start page points to the third step prayer. Last night I extended my OpenDNS blacklist to include some internet stomping grounds such as a couple gaming forums, a gaming website and a Star Trek and other sci-fi review site. I believe I've out grown them and visiting them leads me astray. There are chapters of my life such as these which seem necessary to close. NoFap.com will be on that list in the future as well. Another thing I found is the "Unhook" browser addon that allows a person to hide things like recommended videos, comments and video stats on YouTube. If so desired, a person can remove everything but the the video player.
Checking in Fellowship! Not a good day, it was suppose to be a resting day, but ended up in a severe family fight. things are better now, i think. But i don´t feel much talkative right now. Have a good day my friends. Be well.
Checking in. Unproductive day so far, little bit of struggles but i try my best to persevere. Will try to put some study hours on before the day's end. Strenght & Honor!
Day 71 Been slightly stressed preparing a sermon for next week, pushing me into my old mindset of thinking I need to relapse or have a drink to reduce my anxiety, two things which obviously in the long-term increase stress and anxiety! I’m worried that my urges will return in force if I begin a relationship - was in my local coffee shop today and kept catching the eye of a girl that I’ve spoken to before. I don’t like that my mind rushes to sexual thoughts when I’m attracted to someone, I know it’s only natural but I’d like it to be at a healthier level. I’ll keep going on this journey, practising patience and reframing my perspective.
As a fellow 44-year-old, I applaud your admission of these moments of objectification. I have wondered the same thing--will I ever NOT notice women's physical characteristics first? Will I ever just see people instead of evaluating attractiveness at first glance? Will I ever be naturally unphased by exposed female skin or form, instead of naturally curious or allured? It is embarassing to admit that I struggle in this way; it raises feelings of shame, thoughts that I am some kind of raging bag of hormones or lust-monster masquerading as a calm and controlled caring human. But it helps to remind myself that biology and neurology are both hard at work encouraging males of our species to notice potential reproductive partners (or potential objects of fantasy and fapping in substitution for procreation), and it is what I do with those physiological nudges that matters. Having the chemical inducement to check out women does not make us less worthy of respect. Your decision NOT to stare or fantasize makes you MORE worthy of it. Keep going with your inspiring streak! Welcome to the the dwarven ranks--soon I go to prepare for your arrival as warriors of Gondor! That is my check in today. Stay strong, friends!