Day 7 Still in emotional autistic crisis, but holding on. No big urges until yesterday, but today it feels like my body is starting to ask for PMO for stress relief. My last day as an orc, and I feel like getting out of the pit. I am a Samara orc. Seven days, folks!
Checking in. A good weekend. Accomplishing small goals, chatting with my wife. Simple pleasures, but real pleasures, as opposed to the fake pleasure of pmo.
It all comes down to self-reliance vs help some go to the psychotherapists and take drugs to become indifferent-uninterested in temptations, some put their trust in God and Faith, some look for the support of the company of like minded people like we are here. The problem though is that many of us fail on our way, maybe because although we support each other we are more or less in the blind leads the blind situation for very often our plans glitch somewhere along the way and we fall and every time it happens it shatters our believe in ourselves, in our own abilities , maybe it's because we are not whole in our approach, because we haven't set our whole life to be free from lust, gluttony, greed and other sins. Yeah I think that's the only way to be a victor for we cannot serve two masters: God and Devil , virtue and sin, Love and Hate, Unity and Separation, Light and Darkness. If we have chosen chastity over lust why we turn the blind eye and lying ourselves with what lust is , here is a definition to check yourself-'Lust is an excitement -arousal in the reproductive organs caused by any means other then by out of pure mutual desire to have children with your wife( yes not a girlfriend , not a cohabitant, not anything but wife) because marriage is an oath to love and protect not only your wife but and your children. And this is a simplified definition. So sex, even with wife, not out of pure mutual desire to have children but for the sake purely of experiencing excitement-arousal in reproductive organs it's a Lust and a permission to yourself to do PMO for it is but one of the way to feed the lust and keep it alive in your life...
I learned how to deal with my woods. Just relax. A relaxed, calm, peaceful body tends to be smooth and soft, not hard. Reached Uruk - Hai.
Day 16 Struggled with minor urges this morning, was sat at my desk alone writing a sermon which brought on some feelings of angst which didn’t help my focus - thankfully managed to work through it and continue writing.
27 - Hobbit Today I’ve done some heavier workout, spontaneously meditated (happened couple times this week while bored) and had some nice thought provoking conversation-as result adding yet another side quest related to that meditatin’. I was able to not drink alcohol when in pub with friends and won two arm wrestling challenges. —Side Quests— Workout - Check ColdShower - Check HealthyDiet - Check Learning - Fail SideProject - Fail Gratitude - Check Meditating - Check NoAlcohol - Check NoYoutube - Check
My friend, I would advise your AP that edging is horrible along the journey, as is peeking. This keeps the addiction alive. Especially for edging, it's hitting the dopamine release button, without end. Your AP definitely attached his day counter to an "ego" and did not want to give up a false image.
Checking in Fellowship Friends! 398 free of Porn and 326 Free of MO. Not much to say today, forgive me. It was a busy weekend and I am tired. But I took the time to take it easy, for that I am proud of myself. In moments of stress, I always remind myself to return to my breath. Remain present, as this assists regardless of the emotion or feeling I face. Stay strong my friends! Congrats to @kaerhal for making to Hobbit! Congrats to @MS PBH for becoming a fellow Dwarf King!
Checking in day 29. Finished fast (managed to go through 40 hours), walked 13k steps today and prayed...not that much really. Yeah just now I remembered a saying that most of us who can become addicted to PMO and other bad stuff have an all or nothing kind of mentality which promotes some sort of obsessions with whatever we are interested in. Well this is certainly true in my case and setting some limit of our involvement in what we love to do would help us to see other life areas cared for and life more balanced....
Yeah pride comes before fall-it’s good to keep that in mind for sure. If you are addressing that arm wrestling then it was just fun but tbh being sober gave me unfair advantage for sure too. Still thanks for allowing me to rethink that-I would say that I am at times highly competitive person and had struggle too many times with overgrown ego-something I definitely need to be careful about.