day 25, i did my usual workout this morning, i woke up at 5:10AM school day went fine when i think of it... but i still have my obsessions, i talk to girls now and then, but i my awareness of myself is still strong. i had some dream about "love" before waking up... about my carefulness that i am attracted to someone, but i also need to fix the boat before i go sailing the stormy waters of human emotions... thank you.
day 26 workout at wake up, at 5:XX AM. i had a dream of me watching porn. I DID not do it for real. YES ! i don't feel the need to touch myself, but honestly i feel like i could do this stupid thing and relapse really easily. so i must still pay attention, make one with the Force. i can keep on.
Day 1 - Youngling Yesterday was a horrible day and an all time low. I woke up, and went on edging for a solid six hours. I used drugs (speed) to get the dopamine more pumping. I even spend money on a streaming servers. After I was done and realized what is was doing I felt like I just wanted to disappear. I am very ashamed of what happened and feel horrible about it. Later on in the even I went to see DUNE with some friends in the cinema. This character, Mother Superior had a wonderful line that I will remember dearly: "A man who is being lead by his impulses is nothing more than an animal" I'm glad I got out of the house and spend some time with my friends. I don't wanna be an animal anymore.
i am watching Jordan Peterson's lectures about personality (2017) on YouTube, and he mentioned something about addiction, that it is one out the sub personalities that you are made of and that it LIVES ! so yes, this part of me expressed itself through a dream (because dreams are a way of your mind to tell yourself strange stories) ! and that must be your case as well !