Hi NoFap, EDIT: If you lie on the poll above, you are only hurting yourself. Please be honest. Many of you know me and have read my posts. Many of you have been offended by my posts as sometimes I have chosen to take a blunt approach with addressing you all. If you had read my initial 10 day journal that I wrote, I thank you - although I quit doing it as I didn't feel people were really reading it and I was able to vent what I needed to for my progress, I don't feel I need that anymore. That being said, I began to PMO in probably 6th or 7th grade. Spoiler: I got experimental (triggers inside) and tried on my moms underwear. I got of humping my bed and that was the beginning of this curse in my life. Spoiler: I began to experiment more in high school and college (triggers inside) I began to get off by looking up craigslist ads, wondering if I was gay I would try to set up posts for men. My porn addiction had increased to hardcore things. Bondage, transwoman, gangbang, everything that is not normal. I began to have serious fantasies about men, about being submissive. It became a huge issue. I had 2 instances where, scared out of my mind I acted upon those Craigslist ads and met people. Those 2 mistakes I regret more than anything, but were definitely porn induced fantasies, and luckly I didn't catch anything other than regrets. In college, I met a girl, I loved that girl, we dated for 1.5 years, she dumped me. This was the beginning of my journey. I transferred to a Christian school because by religious background made it feel like home, even though I wasn't a "Christian." Heartbroken I began doing some serious self-development. At the beginning of the year I took an initiative to quit porn and masturbation. A friend explained it to me as the reason he fights it is because it isn't fair to our future wives. I went 2 months cold turkey, only to fail because I didn't set myself up for success. I didn't have NoFap. I let myself fall to the infamous, "I wonder if my johnson works..." It lead to PMO and I was right back where I was. From there forward I struggled. July 20th, I worked up the courage, swallowed my pride, and joined NoFap. I read everything, I journaled, and I went all out to it. Today marks 21 days of success since NoFap. If you are unsure how I have come about doing it, please check out my quite controversial post here so that you can begin your journey "one and done" Here are the things I have experienced since I quit PMO and made it a life long milestone, not a goal. Benefits: I am not horny all the time. (Maybe guys today think about sex every 5 seconds BECAUSE OF PORN?) I quit trying to objectify my girlfriend. I quit trying to look at my girlfriend sexually. I don't have any mood swings anymore. Some days are more boring than others however. When I am bored I don't immediately default to wanting to masturbate. When I am showering, I actually want to shower because it is nice and I want to be clean. Showers are no longer a excuse to fap. I have never felt closer to God. I don't feel guilty when I am with my girlfriend anymore. I feel attractive, fit, and healthy. I feel confident. My acne is clearing up (strange... could be other things that caused that, but whatever, NoFap FTW!) I have a much higher respect for women. I have successfully trained my eyes to divert WHENEVER something sexual is around. Girls walk by, they are just another attractive individual trying to live their life. They are not a sexual object, they are not something to banter at, they are people. I know that I am putting more and more time behind this ugly part of my past every day. Urges are few and far between. I am more productive, less lazy, and my mind is clearer. I am able to ask better questions and focus more. Negatives: I have none. I have no regrets for quitting. Fellow fapstronauts, the list goes on and on. Success is defined by the individual making the change. This last weekend I was at a conference. One of the speakers had a quote that its home. "My past is history, my future is destiny." If you are one who continues to relapse. I feel and understand your pain, don't mistake me for that. I relapsed over and over for 4-5 months before I came to NoFap. However, we are blessed with this community which provides us the safe, outlet and way to express ourselves, stay accountable, and hold strong. This community provides the tools to be successful. I hope that you to can continue. For me, NoFap is a "one and done" approach. If I can't beat PMO with NoFap, I never will. So I will not let myself relapse. A relapse when the necessary tools are available is just a lack of desire to succeed. God Bless.
Congrats! One question though, when did you begin to see improvements in your everyday life? Just curious.
To be honest, day 1-3 were the hardest, day 5 and 7 were difficult to. Once I finished day 8 I began to really see the improvements, ever since then they have continuously grown. Don't get me wrong, ever time I have had temptations they exist, but each time the become less and less of a big deal, less and less damaging or strong.
Hey how do I hide the link to my journal like you did behind the Here button? Just to make it look more attractive on my signature. Thanks!
If you look in the bar above the text box when editing your signature ^^^ with the Bold, Italics, etc. The 7th button over, looks like a paper clip, is the hyperlink button. Highlight the text, then click the hyperlink and copy your link in. So you would type "Here," highlight it, and click the hyperlink button and then paste your link. The button to the right of that removes a link.
The urges honestly don't seem to control me any more. Now that I have worked consistently for 3 weeks to build that mind set, they are becoming more and more of an after-thought. I had an urge while showering the other day. Normally that would be a done deal. However, I just acknowledge it was happening, I have to shower and kept on showering. Urges do not have to control us and by training our mind to protect us is the best defense I think.
30 days completed. 1/3 of the hard mode milestone complete! Feels good to be so far away already and seeing it just get more and more distant.
"Beware of the light at the end of the tunnel. It just may be a train."- unknown Beware and be aware. Congrats, 8bits.
Interesting read. I'm just curious now, as a wife of a P addict. On the opposite side of the fence, a lot of us are expecting relapse from our mate. We're seeing it as a journey that will include ups and downs. It would be a dream come true for DH to wake up one day and be so determined to stop. I watched a program one day a few years ago that said not to give an ultimatum in your relationship unless your were seriously ready to walk out, especially in an addiction situation, because the person will most likely fail several times before succeeding. I gave an ultimatum in the beginning, but have since decided it was a bad idea since I am most likely not going anywhere. What do you think? Are we being too easy on our mates for not demanding they stop now and never do it again? How long should someone stay and watch DH go through the same old stuff? Just curious what your (or anyone's) thoughts are.
That is a really good question and firstly I want to say I am sorry you are having to go through this with your Husband. It is not easy. Secondly, I struggled with quitting PMO for about 5-7 months before I had the "nerve" to join NoFap. I relapsed over and over, when I first started trying to quit at the beginning of the year, I was staying busy and I went about 50-60 days cold turkey my first shot. Why? Because I started a serious relationship that I wanted to be pure in, and I wanted as much distance between that and my future wife as I could, but I didn't tell anyone about it and I did not set up the proper tools to be successful. It was a change of "I want" but there was no game plan other than just don't PMO. Well I ended up getting severely injured, had surgery and a few weeks of down time. I relapsed due to boredom and I struggled with it since. Now, that isn't meant contradicting what I am saying that they can't just walk away. As soon as I committed to NoFap, I committed. NoFap gave me the tools and anonymous support necessary to quit. I am not saying it is an end all be all for everyone, because it really isn't. However, I do not agree with relapses over and over for the same reason and people just saying "time to start again tomorrow! This time I will go X days." That mentality really frustrates me. When it comes to PMO, I believe in "milestones" not "goals." Goals are a finish-line and I certainly don't ever see a time in my future where I won't have to be conscious of PMO trying to sneak its way in again. I completely agree with the program you saw. You never want to make a threat that you will not follow through with, especially when it is something like walking out on a relationship. The reason being is, if you give an ultimatum, its either PMO or you. If I relapse, and you don't leave me, now I know you that your push-over, and I can push my luck, you as the supporter lose a ton of respect if you don't follow through. It is a tricky situation with marriage, because I believe marriage is not something to take lightly and pretty much everything up to "murder" (just kidding) should be tried to have a healthy marriage. Honestly, I truly believe with my whole heart that if you want to quit, you have the motivation to quit, and you set up the proper tools, anyone can quit on a "one and done" attempt. Hundreds of people do it every year with drugs and alcohol. They want to quit, the need to quit, they have the determination to have the better life, they set up the proper tools to do it, and they quit. It is an incredibly difficult journey for sure, but I do think it is possible. I don't know if people are being to easy on SO's or not. I think if I came to you, and you had a problem and I said "you stop that right now and never do it again," your going to tell me to screw off. Because frankly, no matter who I am - I don't get to tell you what you have to do. But, you could advocate for your point of view. Express your distaste for it, explain how it hurts, explain how you think it is disgusting (because it is), and advocate your reasoning against it. By doing that, you might spark the will in their own mind for them to choose to walk away, and then you can be there to help with the proper tools and support. I don't believe anyone should be a doormat. I don't believe in hollow threats. I don't believe PMO has to be a part of our life, no matter how long it has been in our history. I believe there is a thresh-hold of where if you are continuously relapsing than you probably are not serious about this or there is something holding you back in your own mind. I will end with this though. I tell everyone this. You can't change people. People only genuinely change when it is self driven. We have seen that in the PMO area as wives have come out and said "he promised me he wouldn't, and then X days later he was again." That change wasn't self driven. If your mom tells you to pick up your room, do you do it? Not unless you want to. The same goes for everything else, especially in self-development and change. It is exactly that, self. Nobody else can do it for you. They can provide support, tools, and care, but ultimately people only change when they themselves decide it is time, that it is who they do not want to be. For me, my biggest motivation was I plan to get engaged in December. I want as much distance between this disgusting, vile, repulsive, addiction, as I can between that and my marriage. If I don't marry this girl, I still want the distance between whoever I do marry someday. I don't want anything to do with it. Do I still have urges? Absolutely. Do I still have that voice that says "just once" in mind even after 30 days? Absolutely. Do I lust occasionally? Absolutely, but I am trying hard to stop, I turn away every time it comes into my realm. Do I relapse? Not anymore. Why? Because I really want this change in my life, I want to be a better man and an amazing future husband. Does that help a little? I hope it does.
