I failed today. I only M & O'd and vow not to return to P. Going to brush myself off. Understand my motivations for this blip and pick myself up and carry on. I gave in to my dopamine addiction because I was lonely, frustrated and angry. BUT I did not look at the damaging P and i'm proud of myself for that. Resetting my counter and back to the beginning.
Checking in. Tomorrow will be 180 days, six months since my last relapse. I'm incredibly proud of this given the life challenges I've been through these past six months, but the journey has really just begun. Be well everyone.
Went from easy 2 days ago, medium yesterday, to really hard today. On top of that have a leaky roof after some work was performed last week. Housing stuff always stresses me out since I don't know much about it and have very few resources in the area who I can rely on to help out. Makes me feel very alone. Will definitely be a challenge to stay the course today, but I have my good habits mapped out as a plan to resist. I know in times like this I need to take care of myself first. Overcoming this addiction is priority #1 and in the long run all other areas of life will benefit so for now they can wait.
Starting again...struggling a lot emotionally recently and P has come back in but needing strength so starting a new streak
Checking in. I had a reset today. Right now, I'm working on understanding that whatever my triggers are, they're an explanation for my behavior, not and excuse. After all, I'm an addict--there will always be a reason to use.
Checking in on day 180! I've written a few times in the past about what has been working for me, and since I've mostly been staying the course on those strategies I won't rehash. But I will say that checking in here daily is a huge part of it. As with a lot of my milestones, the urges and brain-assaults started ramping up considerably as I neared the six month mark. Almost like the addiction is testing whether I really mean it. Yes, you little bastard, I do. I'm looking forward to the next six months of sobriety but also keenly aware that one moment of weakness will put me on my knees, humbled, so continuing to stay vigilant. Be well everyone, and my hopes are with all of you struggling right now.
@artifact It’s much appreciated and I can’t thank you enough for setting up the group, and group members for their support. I definitely couldn’t have done it on my own!
180 days is an incredible achievement- respect! It’s useful to know that the urges are still strong even at that far out timepoint, so as to be prepared.
I can totally relate. I was fine for a while and then bam, the urges and fantasies just started up again. Almost as if the addiction is silently waiting to take full advantage of any vulnerability it can find. A few repeated triggers, some poor sleep, a new health issue or stressful life event..anything can set it off. It's absolutely critical to stay vigilant and to continue educating oneself about this, no matter how long you've abstained. All the best to you, everyone, and never give up.