Edged to subs I want to blame taking a piece of my dad's erection drug that was entirely unnecessary but I was setting myself up by having no intention of engaging in positive constructive habits last night not sure I will be clean this week thinking ahead heavy substance use imminent might go off the rails better stay outta this thru next week Monday may The Force be strong with you please know how sick I am have an inpatient rehab calling me in a couple days just to check in virtually as I don't start outpatient for a couple more weeks but the ways of the Sith are overpowering me now
I can't just leave with that. I don't want to keep failing this and I feel for me the dark side has too strong a grasp on me already I might need to go to a secret Jedi master faraway from here as it was made clear only a few can give me the help I need. If I stay here and try to grow strong I might make myself less confident due to being incompetent and then revolt by joining the Sith? I must leave you now I may not be back but if I develop in The Force I will make it known elsewhere around here not sure what will happen if the dark side consumes me.
Day 35 Performed a few card tricks today for a blushing card trick I asked a girl to blow a kiss to her card in order to make the card supposedly "blush", she did it and for a bit I was like she's kinda cute you know. Glad I'm finding real girls attractive rather than looking at the hypersexualised pornstars on the screen.