Day 7! After today it will be a full week of not fapping. The past few weeks I made it to 7 days and usually relapsed by not having urges, but being stupid and doing it anyway. This time around I have those urges. Lastnight was close sjnce I was looking at triggers that really was too much for me. Fortuneately I didn't relapse. I will try and keep myself busy today. Overall I feel good despite not sleeping much lastnight, but I am horny as hell now. Another quick note is I should get back into excersizing. I feel I am getting a beer belly. I will update more later.
Good job on 7 days! What do you mean by "looking at triggers"? Does that mean looking at P or P subs?
Well, yeah. It was a bit intentional since I was laying in bed but it only lasted 10 minutes or so. Just some images nothing more and I won't count it as a reset since I didn't relapse. I knew what I was doing was wrong and would lead to relapsing so I stopped. If anything I will just reset my other counter.
Yeah. There is a difference between seeing an image that just pops up and then looking for them I find that it has been easy to justify the seeking. The old slippery slope ... That's the main reason I have ended up resetting my counter several times - it starts off with looking for images, then ....
It all actually started with wanting to listen to music then got side tracked. I will have to reset my P ticker. At least I have my PMO one going ! Still have this urge. More than likely I will go for a walk and let it pass. Could be the whole 5 day peak of T as well.
Day 8. I ended up resetting my P counter after my little mishap. Fortuneately it was not my PMO one. Today seems like a tough day, physically. 85F, my legs hurt and I am tired/sleepy. I walked around earlier and tried to do some work. Overall I feel Quite well. I get a few moments here and there where I feel a little indifferent, but as long as I am happy and feeling good about myself is what's the most important to me. Still get urges on/off. Not sure if it has to do with my T levels peaking, or the fact I haven't fapped in 7.5 days. The good thing is if I do something else and focus on that it goes away until I think about it again. A friend sent me a YouTube movie earlier today of some girl who would dance and bounce her boobs around. I guess she is famous on YouTube for making movies like that. It just made me feel bad for her if that's what she chooses to do in her life. I wouldn't want to marry a girl like that. I didn't find it "sexy" or anything either. Oh, and lastly... I honestly feel that I have an addiction. If I didn't then I wouldn't be having a hard time trying to quit pmo. I always thought I had a habitual habit, but I am not so sure anymore. And I am not sure if it is an MO, or a P, or PMO problem I have. My last streak I felt like I didn't have as bad of a problem as others. I still think some are in a hard place, but it isn't so easy for me either. I think this may be my last journal entry for today unless something else happens I will add it here. Oh! I can feel the eye thing again where my eyes glow and stand out too.
Day 9 By God do I have these strong urges today. Lastnight I could have relapsed since I was home alone for a while, but I didnt. I will try and see if I can go for a run today. As long as the sun isn't out. Yesterday was 85F, today is nearly the same. Otherwise I will run early evening when the mosquitoes are out. I am hoping these urges go away. More than likely my glimpse of P didn't help at all and it's keeping the urges in tact for a little while longer. I remember last streak having a similar thing happen where the urges stook for a few days longer.
Cl5k12 -- Keep going, you're doing great! A few thoughts, if you don't mind: > It sounds like you may be Catholic. If so, go to confession. It helps so much! > As someone else said, with urges, it's best to turn to something else. Take a walk, eat a snack, call a friend, do something you really like. > For me, I have figured out that certain moods, and certain days and times of day, are trouble. So I watch out for them. I make plans. > About moods: it's when I'm angry/frustrated, and when I'm bored, that I get in trouble. You may be able to identify your moods, and if so, plan for how you can short-circuit the mood-reaction thing. If you recognize you're frustrated, deal with that. Go find something to punch, or yell in the closet, or whatever. It feels SO good when you realize, you're taking control!
It's funny how you guessed me being catholic. I would go to confession, just our priest switched the confessional around where you have to look at him face to face. It's too personal for me - and mix that with a small town where everyone knows each other it makes it uncomfortable. I started my last streak during Easter time so I'd attend church every Sunday and it helped me through. As for fighting the urges I have been trying to occupy myself today since it's been the hardest. The weather isn't sunny anymore, more cloudy and we had a big storm so it's generally a lazy day. I may try for a run and loosen up. I appreciate your words of encouragement! This is my best streak since my big relapse in May and I'd hate to lose it. I know that these urges are sitting because I looked at P the other day. Otherwise it would have passed or not been so severe. Just ran 3km. Feeling awesome now! Thanks again!
Ok. I have had a really long absence from the forums. Unfortunately I don't have much to brag about other than I hit rock bottom and realize that "hey, this has to stop" Life got busy and then I got addicted to fapping nonstop. I can't remember what led to my relapse, but I was doing it constantly just all august. Even if I morally knew it was wrong I kept at it, subconsciously. That is when you know you have an addiction when you do it anyway even if it is wrong. Anyway, this past week I got into kik. I've never used it and I started looking for dirty kik chats. I actually ended up getting scammed out of $100. But this was my wakeup call. I am making a promise that I will stop completely if this all gets resolved with no issues. I got in touch with my AP and we are both at the same point where decided we really need to stop. I apologize for just a long message but here is my determination to rid this awful addiction once and for all! Hoping my recent decisions will resolve themselves. Day 1 here I go!
Good thing is that you learnt your lesson and will never ever think of using kik. Such hard experiences will make you better. Good luck for your new goal of beating your previous best. Go go go, you can do it!
Let's start focussing on what is important in life, concentrate on what we want to become and leave our old self behind us!
Day 2. I didn't get much sleep yesterday so I felt like I was running with a back burner. Surprisingly, I did do quite well which may have been adrenaline pumping. Today I got plenty of rest and I am feeling great. I have a lot to do to keep me busy and until I know I am well into my streak, I will spend the evenings with my family when I am most vulnerable. Also have all my bookmarks/history deleted.
Day 4 Feeling pretty good still. I have been busy so occupying myself, and spending time with friends and family. I know being alone and not doing anything is what will cause a relapse. And once I relapse I know I will start binging like crazy and it will be hard to stop and recontinue my streak. I am feeling great mentally and physically and I honestly believe I will get my streak all out. Feeling the same motivation as I had back in April when I made it 40 days. Since then my best was 10 and I failed by doing stupid stuff. Have a lot of things planned the next few months to occupy myself.
Stay cool bro.... never give up. You can fight it... all the way. Don't let the monsters dictate the rest of your life
Day 6 Nothing new to report. Started the day a little "out of focus" but it's probably due to the weather. Just had a hard time getting started. Been a busy day but still feeling good overall. Going to bed now. Not expecting to relapse . Each time I will get an urge I'll have to remember "I hit rock bottom".
Day 8 Nothing new to add really. Just the holiday weekend has been keeping me busy. As far as I see it, I am still in good shape. I had a bit of a mental urge lastnight but I did not pursue it and instead laid in bed and fell asleep. I am completely exhausted again. I haven't had a streak like this going since before summer so I am happy about it. I can feel my self control back and I feel relaxed again. Concentration is well too. Not sure what else to add. One more day down!